Open Bar: Fake News, Fake Bar

[tyrannosaurus vex]

No no, not just any Italian guy. He has to be a mechanic. Plumbers are fine.

ETA: Maybe it isn't the Italian part, maybe it's the mechanic part. The guy just happened to be Italian this time. Is "mechanic" a race?

[Cain]

It's actually a plane of existence.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

After putting it off for 7 years, I finally got eyeglasses.

I can now drive using something other than the force as my guide.

I fear for other drivers and pedestrians everywhere. We were all probably safer when you were aiming blindly, the idea that you can target effectively now is chilling.

Those green and white smudgy things are SIGNS.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

It's actually a plane of existence.

My life's goal is to have this much free time. Seriously, what the fuck.

[The Wizard Joseph]

I'm having a low-energy, paralyzed-with-anxiety kind of day. I have five readings and four reviews to write, plus my progress report, plus a statement of ethics. I have done none of these, but I have made it to the store and started some French Onion soup, so I guess I'm not totally useless.

I am supposed to be on my way to my best friend's house to help her paint her new ADU, but my onions are still caramelizing so...

As a person suffering crippling depression and social anxiety I approve of your choice in soup and wish I had access to a stove and suitable utensils fit to achieve such a marvelous thing as french onion soup. I'm just saying if all you can do is make soup, it's doing better than some of us soupless bastards out there.

[Junkenstein]

After putting it off for 7 years, I finally got eyeglasses.

I can now drive using something other than the force as my guide.

I fear for other drivers and pedestrians everywhere. We were all probably safer when you were aiming blindly, the idea that you can target effectively now is chilling.

Those green and white smudgy things are SIGNS.

Don't you mean targets? I was told the state hobby is shooting such intrusions of big gubment

[Junkenstein]

It's actually a plane of existence.

My life's goal is to have this much free time. Seriously, what the fuck.

Consider for a moment how many people can tell you minute details of an endless list of fantasy worlds. It's terrifying.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

After putting it off for 7 years, I finally got eyeglasses.

I can now drive using something other than the force as my guide.

I fear for other drivers and pedestrians everywhere. We were all probably safer when you were aiming blindly, the idea that you can target effectively now is chilling.

Those green and white smudgy things are SIGNS.

Don't you mean targets? I was told the state hobby is shooting such intrusions of big gubment

Those are mostly stop signs.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I'm having a low-energy, paralyzed-with-anxiety kind of day. I have five readings and four reviews to write, plus my progress report, plus a statement of ethics. I have done none of these, but I have made it to the store and started some French Onion soup, so I guess I'm not totally useless.

I am supposed to be on my way to my best friend's house to help her paint her new ADU, but my onions are still caramelizing so...

As a person suffering crippling depression and social anxiety I approve of your choice in soup and wish I had access to a stove and suitable utensils fit to achieve such a marvelous thing as french onion soup. I'm just saying if all you can do is make soup, it's doing better than some of us soupless bastards out there.

It was not such a terrible day, I admit. And now we have soup.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Today Salty and I urban-hiked down to Swan Island, up through the University of Portland campus, down to the McCormick & Baxter parcel of the Portland Harbor Superfund site, across to the Willamette Cove parcel, and out to St. Johns through the mostly-invisible remnants of the abandoned business park or whatever it was. Then we took the bus home, which went through the New Columbia Villa, Portland's dirty little secret ie. ghetto. It's like a whole little city inside a city, just for brown people!

Now we are home and drinking delicious shandies like bourgeoisie scum.

[Cain]

So, I've been looking into the South Sudan civil war, because the SPLA have, unsurprisingly, killed a whole bunch of civilians, and raped and tortured a bunch besides.

Breaking news: the Nuer White Army are trash.  The SPLA are trash.  The SSLM are trash.  Cobra Command, despite having an awesome name, are definitely trash.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

So, I've been looking into the South Sudan civil war, because the SPLA have, unsurprisingly, killed a whole bunch of civilians, and raped and tortured a bunch besides.

Breaking news: the Nuer White Army are trash.  The SPLA are trash.  The SSLM are trash.  Cobra Command, despite having an awesome name, are definitely trash.

American news media is, as usual, giving coverage of unrest in African countries pretty much zero coverage, so I know next to nothing about this.

[Cain]

It's sort of been slow-burning for a while too, which doesn't help.  Basically, the South Sudanese President and Vice-President have been feuding from back in the days when they were all guerrillas hiding out in the Sudanese badlands.  The President fired the VP in 2013, along with the rest of his cabinet.  Later on that same year, a militia group closely associated with the VP started some serious fighting in the capital.  The President says the VP is attempting a coup.  The VP says the President is a dictator.

Cue lots of fighting, though UN peacekeepers manage to deter the worst of it, in the early days. 

Everyone also decides this is the best time to settle any ethnic or tribal disputes, because of course they do.  Militias eventually work their way up to "killing hundreds of people inside mosques" before the leaders decide to sit down and talk.

Cue lots of ceasefires in name only and general bullshittery.

Eventually, last year, the VP and President agreed on terms.  Only, while the ink hasn't even dried on the paper, the President overhauls the entire political system to further his own ethnic chauvinist goals, at the expense of two of the main ethnic groups among the rebels led by the VP.  Fighting breaks out again in the capital, and the VP flees.

The army follows the VP's trail to a town, and slaughters over a hundred people, burns down three villages, and then settles down for some good old-fashioned raping, looting and torturing.  Which is exactly what the army did 7 years ago while supposedly disarming rebels.  Meanwhile, the VP goes from the DRC to North Sudan to South Africa, where in a rare display of common sense the South African authorities put him under house arrest.

All this happened last year, but the UN finally compiled its report on the massacre, so...

[Freeky]

Jesus fuck, Cain. 

[Freeky]

Today Salty and I urban-hiked down to Swan Island, up through the University of Portland campus, down to the McCormick & Baxter parcel of the Portland Harbor Superfund site, across to the Willamette Cove parcel, and out to St. Johns through the mostly-invisible remnants of the abandoned business park or whatever it was. Then we took the bus home, which went through the New Columbia Villa, Portland's dirty little secret ie. ghetto. It's like a whole little city inside a city, just for brown people!

Now we are home and drinking delicious shandies like bourgeoisie scum.

That sounds so awesome! Well, the hike in general.