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Ten Songs and They are All Lies

Started by Mr. Gone, May 03, 2017, 02:36:37 AM

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Mr. Gone

May 03, 2017, 02:36:37 AM
You had the chance...it was right there in your greasy fucking palms. 

Opportunity.

That's right...Opportunity.

We all have a chance to hold it, and then to run with it. We don't all get to run in the same direction though, some paths are different.  Yes, some will be shinier, with better pavers...some may be cobblestone...some may be dirt and rubble. But we all have pathways to take us to a better pla...

Oh, fuck...no...actually that's not true.  Yes, I was going to suggest everyone gets a chance to get to a better place in life.  That happy, Hollywood, tearjerker, Good News(tm) happy ending.  But the truth is there are some men who make it their goal in life to crush and destroy these pathways.  To utterly destroy any opportunities for betterment and joy...and also the opportunities to take in oxygen...

But, there is a special place in Hell for yet other "men".  You know who they are...maybe you are one of them...

..."Not My Problem"...

"I've got bills."
"I've got a bad back"
"I've got to watch Orange is the New...'

Shut the fuck up you and your fat mug full of Grade A, Natural, Organic Trigger Warnings.

Wash and scrub your hands of it all you will, they will still be dripping with sarin-steeped blood.

POFP

#1
May 05, 2017, 03:47:09 PM
I like the argument being made, and I like what you've got as a base.

Part of me feels like you had a particular event or situation in mind when writing about this, which really helps with depth and feeling.

It might just be me, but I didn't read it as a rant as much as I read it as a poem. And if you want it to have more power, more UMPH, use more metaphor. Be less direct. It allows you to portray all of the emotion and the message with less words, and helps with flow.


This is just my two cents. I understand that I've just walked up to someone and suggested that they express themselves in a different way to make it more appealing, which is a dick move, to say the least. Feel free to tell me to fuck off, and all that. But I figured I'd give you some feedback. I, personally, hate expressing myself and being given no response whatsoever. Even if the lack of response is due to general forum slowness and lack of activity.
This Certified Pope™ reserves the Right to, on occasion, "be a complete dumbass", and otherwise ponder "idiotic" and/or "useless" ideas and other such "tomfoolery." [Aforementioned] are only responsible for the results of these actions and tendencies when they have had their addictive substance of choice for that day.

Being a Product of their Environment's Collective Order and Disorder, [Aforementioned] also reserves the Right to have their ideas, technologies, and otherwise all Intellectual Property stolen, re-purposed, and re-attributed at Will ONLY by other Certified Popes. Corporations, LLC's, and otherwise Capitalist-based organizations are NOT capable of being Certified Popes.

Battering Rams not included.

Mr. Gone

#2
May 06, 2017, 11:28:54 PM
No worries friend.  Feedback is appreciated.

It was just feelings and reflections in a moment. 

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