Author Topic: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)  (Read 8106 times)

Doktor Howl

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #135 on: August 08, 2018, 04:54:37 pm »
Literally talking about the elephant in the room. I dig it.

I have instructed my staff to ignore it.
"THUS SPAKE THE DESERT PROPHET ROGER, HIS EYES AGLAZE, HIS BALLS AFIRE, HIS HAIR RECEEDED DUE TO YOUR INABILITY TO SHUT UP"
- Junkenstien

"Locals and authorities are quick to act on suspicions that wartime arms may be lurking in their midst. Even police were convinced by one elderly German who reported finding an old bomb in his backyard, only for bomb clearance staff to conclude that the item was, in fact, a zucchini."
- Newsweek, 8/9/18

Q. G. Pennyworth

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #136 on: August 08, 2018, 06:10:31 pm »
I am intensely interested to know whose job it is to deal with the elephant shit.
Overheating Pheremone Pustule of Last Saturday's Jiggle Fun| _xgeWireToEvent: Unknown extension 131, this should never happen.

Don't fucking judge me, I've got tentacles for a face.

Doktor Howl

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #137 on: August 08, 2018, 06:41:35 pm »
I am intensely interested to know whose job it is to deal with the elephant shit.

That I can answer right now:  faithless, treacherous maintenance weasels.
"THUS SPAKE THE DESERT PROPHET ROGER, HIS EYES AGLAZE, HIS BALLS AFIRE, HIS HAIR RECEEDED DUE TO YOUR INABILITY TO SHUT UP"
- Junkenstien

"Locals and authorities are quick to act on suspicions that wartime arms may be lurking in their midst. Even police were convinced by one elderly German who reported finding an old bomb in his backyard, only for bomb clearance staff to conclude that the item was, in fact, a zucchini."
- Newsweek, 8/9/18

Emo Howard

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #138 on: August 09, 2018, 07:21:28 am »
Have you interviewed the elephant?

Doktor Howl

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #139 on: August 09, 2018, 05:12:37 pm »
Have you interviewed the elephant?

What?
"THUS SPAKE THE DESERT PROPHET ROGER, HIS EYES AGLAZE, HIS BALLS AFIRE, HIS HAIR RECEEDED DUE TO YOUR INABILITY TO SHUT UP"
- Junkenstien

"Locals and authorities are quick to act on suspicions that wartime arms may be lurking in their midst. Even police were convinced by one elderly German who reported finding an old bomb in his backyard, only for bomb clearance staff to conclude that the item was, in fact, a zucchini."
- Newsweek, 8/9/18

Doktor Howl

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #140 on: August 09, 2018, 06:54:41 pm »
Sad news:  I just received word that the judge handling the emergency injunctions has stated that the happy couple will have to live without an 11,000 pound mayhem/death beast at their wedding.  In fact, he seemed to be really excited by the very notion that he was asked.  Harsh language may have been involved.

:cry:

Pour a little out, homies.
"THUS SPAKE THE DESERT PROPHET ROGER, HIS EYES AGLAZE, HIS BALLS AFIRE, HIS HAIR RECEEDED DUE TO YOUR INABILITY TO SHUT UP"
- Junkenstien

"Locals and authorities are quick to act on suspicions that wartime arms may be lurking in their midst. Even police were convinced by one elderly German who reported finding an old bomb in his backyard, only for bomb clearance staff to conclude that the item was, in fact, a zucchini."
- Newsweek, 8/9/18

Emo Howard

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #141 on: August 10, 2018, 07:06:07 am »
Have you interviewed the elephant?

What?

Yeah, I dunno. I was kinda buzzed when I typed that.


Something about how the elephant felt about the project


or


:?

Doktor Howl

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #142 on: August 14, 2018, 01:17:51 am »
At work today, giving a talk to the (lol) "energy task force" about the utility bills.  It is worth mentioning that Ron the Dumbass has never dealt with commercial or industrial utilities.

Me:  "So demand is the highest use of power in any 15 minute period, and on-peak charges are based on the highest momentary use of power during peak hours."

Ron the Dumbass:  "No, that's wrong.  There's no momentary charge."

Me:  "But there is.  I have been doing this for many years and the charge is in fact momentary."

Ron:  "You don't know what you're talking about."

Me:  "Okay"  *sits down*

Boss:  "Ron, shut up.  Roger, continue."

Me:  "I was actually done anyway."

State representative via skype:  "So, how come this one peak charge is higher than the daily demand?"

Me:  "Well, I'd say because you only need a half second to establish a peak, but you need 15 minutes to establish a demand, but Ron informs me that this is incorrect, so I'm going to say that the specially-trained monkeys that enter the data at the electric company are all messed up on crack and entering gibberish."

Boss:  "You don't have to be a smartass."

Me:  "Apparently I do."

Ron:  "What's wrong with you?"

Me:  "You are, Ron.  You make me hate data analysis, which is the only thing in the world that I love that loves me back."

State representative:  "Someone shut Ron up while there's still a task force."

And that is how you handle Dunning Krueger in an engineer.  You feed them to state level politicians.



"THUS SPAKE THE DESERT PROPHET ROGER, HIS EYES AGLAZE, HIS BALLS AFIRE, HIS HAIR RECEEDED DUE TO YOUR INABILITY TO SHUT UP"
- Junkenstien

"Locals and authorities are quick to act on suspicions that wartime arms may be lurking in their midst. Even police were convinced by one elderly German who reported finding an old bomb in his backyard, only for bomb clearance staff to conclude that the item was, in fact, a zucchini."
- Newsweek, 8/9/18

Doktor Howl

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #143 on: Today at 05:01:11 am »
Me:  "Billy, you should come over at lunch.  Our main restaurant is sinking."

Billy:  "What?"

Me:  "The ground is subsiding underneath the Northwest corner.  All the windows are warping."

Billy:  "Wow.  How fast is it sinking?"

Me:  "Like an inch in the last 24 hours."

Billy:  "I'll pass."

Me:  "Why?  All the deer outside look like they're standing crooked."

Billy:  "I'm not literally dying for chicken cordon bleu."

Me:  "Buck up, Billy.  You're forgetting something."

Billy:  "What am I forgetting?"

Me:  "You are sitting next to  a tank with 250,000 gallons of shit in it that is directly downhill from what is clearly a moving groundwater issue."

Billy:  "Um."

Me:  "Drown in shit or watch crooked deer while you eat Chef's chicken cordon bleu.  You decide."

Billy:  "What's the side today?"
"THUS SPAKE THE DESERT PROPHET ROGER, HIS EYES AGLAZE, HIS BALLS AFIRE, HIS HAIR RECEEDED DUE TO YOUR INABILITY TO SHUT UP"
- Junkenstien

"Locals and authorities are quick to act on suspicions that wartime arms may be lurking in their midst. Even police were convinced by one elderly German who reported finding an old bomb in his backyard, only for bomb clearance staff to conclude that the item was, in fact, a zucchini."
- Newsweek, 8/9/18

LuciferX

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #144 on: Today at 09:00:15 am »
Quote
What's the side today?

On a deep, prelinguistic, and positively indeterminate level, Billy was shielding himself from the "moving groundwater issue."
Hic Salta?
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