Dear Mr. and Mrs. Davidson,
I'm writing you on behalf of the school board in regards to your son, Jeremy Davidson. There has been a severe disciplinary issue regarding Jeremy's performance in the Finals.
As you know, here at Saint Reagan's Preparatory Academy (Go Gippers!), we take Finals very seriously. So seriously that they can't be failed. That is, so long as they're taken.
Jeremy has remained immobile, unblinking, at his desk for three days. Our nurse assures us that he's quite healthy, and merely uncooperative. Not even the weasels are going near him. Rest assured that he faces severe penalties on his waking from this state, and we shall be sending a bill for the gouges left in the desktop.
Yours,
HEADMASTER