Are you ready for the finals?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

1.  When you wake up screaming, it's because
 A.  Donald Trump really IS president.
 B.  Nazis really ARE walking around in broad daylight.
 C.  Weasels ran off with your spouse.
 D.  All of the above.

2.  The collection cup for date night is now collecting
 A.  Vomit.
 B.  Blood.
 C.  Your fingernail clippings.
 D.  Someone else's fingernails.

3.  You are running because
 A.  Insane cops.
 B.  Nazi death creatures from the hollow earth.
 C.  More weasels.
 D.  You still have legs.

4.  You are crying because
 A.  You vaguely remember having loved ones.
 B.  Tear gas.
 C.  Nobody witnessed you all shiny and chrome.
 D.  "irregardless" made it into the dictionary.

5.  You won't eat your pudding because
 A.  You didn't eat all of your meat.
 B.  You knew the guy the pudding used to be.
 C.  You no longer have the required orifices.
 D.  It's frozen solid, like everything else for a hundred miles in any direction.

6.  Even though the Earth is vomiting up the dead, and the government hasn't issued any edicts in weeks, you
 A.  Are safe in your buried storage container, eating your previous relatives, offspring, etc.
 B.  At least still have your guns.
 C.  Managed to save your waifu pillow
 D.  All of the above.

7.  Your neighbors are all raptured, leaving you behind with the weasels.  You
 A.  Help yourself to their stuff.
 B.  Console yourself that at least that crooked Hillary didn't win.
 C.  Run to the nearest church and explain to God that he has overlooked your exceptionalism.
 D.  Dance while the weasels rip your flesh.

8.  You are placed in charge of morale.  Your slogan is
 A.  Fallout is the new confetti.
 B.  Whiteboard your optimized personal demise.
 C.  Weasels are just fun with fangs.
 D.  I'm not crying.

9.  Your house is surrounded by zombies.  You
 A.  Don't notice.
 B.  Don't care.
 C.  Are green with envy.
 D.  Are a member of the zombie horde.

10.  Starvation has given you visions.  You realize
 A.  The Mormons - of all people - had it right.  You scream your rage to the universe.  It doesn't care.
 B.  You have run out of relatives and your storage container's air is getting pretty manky.
 C.  That tickling sensation?  Weasels.
 D.  You're late for work.  Again.

[Eater of Clowns]

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Davidson,

I'm writing you on behalf of the school board in regards to your son, Jeremy Davidson. There has been a severe disciplinary issue regarding Jeremy's performance in the Finals.

As you know, here at Saint Reagan's Preparatory Academy (Go Gippers!), we take Finals very seriously. So seriously that they can't be failed. That is, so long as they're taken.

Jeremy has remained immobile, unblinking, at his desk for three days. Our nurse assures us that he's quite healthy, and merely uncooperative. Not even the weasels are going near him. Rest assured that he faces severe penalties on his waking from this state, and we shall be sending a bill for the gouges left in the desktop.

Yours,

HEADMASTER

[P3nT4gR4m]

Was doing fine until I got to question nine and couldn't find the - Grab nearest chainsaw and try not to get raging boner caught in the crossfire - option. Now I'll never know if I'm ready!

[Cain]

D to everything except 8, which is clearly C

[Ziegejunge]

 D.  "irregardless" made it into the dictionary.

 

[The Good Reverend Roger]

For every D, give yourself a point.  At 12 points, you get into the bunker.

[Cain]

I don't want to get in the bunker though.

[Chucklemaster]

I don't want to get in the bunker though.

Come with me, then. I didn't get into the bunker in the first place. Apparently write-in answers weren't acceptable.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I don't want to get in the bunker though.

We have Martin Skrelli in here and there's no cops.