News:

Several times a month, I will be in a store aisle reaching for something and feel a hand going up the inside of my thigh. When I turn around to find myself alone with a woman, and ask her if she would prefer me to hold still so she can get a better feel for the situation, oftentimes she will act "shocked" claiming nothing had happened, it must be somebody else...

Main Menu

Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.

Started by Frontside Back, October 22, 2017, 03:18:42 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Frontside Back

Once upon the time there was an alien species living on a planet not unlike ours. They were worried about pretty much same aspects of life as humans are: famine, war, sickness and the root of all this nonsense: Death. So they embarked on a journey to defeat their cruel master, forming a society producing brilliant scientists who one blow at the time killed the Death itself.

   But in their fear of Death these poor creatures overlooked even greater horror: fear of living. With no time limit, no ultimate deadline the phrase "I'll do it tomorrow" quickly evolved into "I'll do it next century" or "I'll do it next millenium". And so their society crumbled, and all the luxuries people living had gotten used to seized to exist making their lifes miserable again, but this time for eternity. Reintroducing dying wasn't a possibility, Death was dead for good and wouldn't bless their species ever again.

   Even still, something had to be done. So they introduced a system. Every child that was born was immortal, but wouldn't know it if they weren't told. So the rest of them found a purpose making this illusion more real, they would take voluntary cosmetic surgeries every few years to fake effects of aging and even change their whole appearance and move away, leaving behind only an obituary in local newspaper. And the system worked, of course most of the children found out eventually their eternal fate by accidents, suicide attempts living to 150 and other ways, but often not before truly living their life as ones running away from nonexistence tend to do.

  So I say this to humankind, do not seek the Eternal, it's not for your eyes. Seek for those tiny moments which make dying feel almost bearable. Oh fuck who am I kidding, just give me my life extension pill already (made of cyanide 50% of time), you have engineers working on fucking fidget spinners.
"I want to be the Borg but I want to do it alone."

Eater of Clowns

Hi mortality, nice to meet you and welcome to PD.
Quote from: Pippa Twiddleton on December 22, 2012, 01:06:36 AM
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 07, 2014, 01:18:23 AM
EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

Quote
the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

The Wizard Joseph

You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
- Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

"You program the controller to do the thing, only it doesn't do the thing.  It does something else entirely, or nothing at all.  It's like voting."
- Billy, Aug 21st, 2019

"It's not even chaos anymore. It's BANAL."
- Doktor Hamish Howl

Fin

#3
I was born and Life came up to introduce herself. "Hi, I'm Life".  "Hey" . "My calling card".  I took it and held it up. Written on it was one word. Death. "Uh, hey Life. Your calling card says 'Death'". "Yes it does". "The calling card of Life is...Death?" "Yes". "How can that be?" "It's my other side" she said as she turned around.  She had a very nice backside.
"Fuck off and die in a car accident or something"  Dr. Howl

Doktor Howl

I motorized a fidget spinner, for efficiency's sake.

I should go back and work on it, so that it lasts longer than I do.  And that's all the "eternity" any of you fuckos will ever need...The knowledge that a tiny monument to stupidity will outlive you.
Molon Lube

Fin

Quote from: Doktor Howl on January 07, 2018, 04:24:49 AM
I motorized a fidget spinner, for efficiency's sake.

I should go back and work on it, so that it lasts longer than I do.  And that's all the "eternity" any of you fuckos will ever need...The knowledge that a tiny monument to stupidity will outlive you.
Do you need a hug?
"Fuck off and die in a car accident or something"  Dr. Howl

Fin

"It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he get's out of it alive".  W.C. Fields
"Fuck off and die in a car accident or something"  Dr. Howl

Doktor Howl

Quote from: Finn on January 07, 2018, 05:30:29 AM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on January 07, 2018, 04:24:49 AM
I motorized a fidget spinner, for efficiency's sake.

I should go back and work on it, so that it lasts longer than I do.  And that's all the "eternity" any of you fuckos will ever need...The knowledge that a tiny monument to stupidity will outlive you.
Do you need a hug?

Yes.  A great big hug.  And maybe a fuckin' lullaby.  I love those.
Molon Lube

Nephew Twiddleton

Quote from: Doktor Howl on January 07, 2018, 04:24:49 AM
I motorized a fidget spinner, for efficiency's sake.

I should go back and work on it, so that it lasts longer than I do.  And that's all the "eternity" any of you fuckos will ever need...The knowledge that a tiny monument to stupidity will outlive you.

Just out of curiosity.. how did the thought to motorize a fidget spinner occur to you?
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Doktor Howl

Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on January 28, 2018, 03:37:02 AM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on January 07, 2018, 04:24:49 AM
I motorized a fidget spinner, for efficiency's sake.

I should go back and work on it, so that it lasts longer than I do.  And that's all the "eternity" any of you fuckos will ever need...The knowledge that a tiny monument to stupidity will outlive you.

Just out of curiosity.. how did the thought to motorize a fidget spinner occur to you?

I am reasonably sure I was bombed on benzodiazapine and had a "moment".
Molon Lube

Nephew Twiddleton

Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Cramulus

Quote from: Doktor Howl on January 07, 2018, 04:24:49 AM
I motorized a fidget spinner, for efficiency's sake.

I should go back and work on it, so that it lasts longer than I do.  And that's all the "eternity" any of you fuckos will ever need...The knowledge that a tiny monument to stupidity will outlive you.

You really are doing Goddess' work.

I've always wanted to create some little sound player or automated gizmo with a lonnnnnng battery life, and leave it inside of a wall or something for people to find like 50 years later.

POFP

Quote from: Cramulus on January 30, 2018, 02:42:11 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on January 07, 2018, 04:24:49 AM
I motorized a fidget spinner, for efficiency's sake.

I should go back and work on it, so that it lasts longer than I do.  And that's all the "eternity" any of you fuckos will ever need...The knowledge that a tiny monument to stupidity will outlive you.

You really are doing Goddess' work.

I've always wanted to create some little sound player or automated gizmo with a lonnnnnng battery life, and leave it inside of a wall or something for people to find like 50 years later.

With just slightly more work, you could probably just mount an outlet in the wall and have the device plugged in. And it should totally play a sound snippet from the Cha-Cha Slide song where he goes "Now... It's time to get funky-unky-unky..." every 30 minutes or so.

Shit would get funky so often, there's no way they could avoid disco. They'd end up on this forum after only a couple days.
This Certified Popeā„¢ reserves the Right to, on occasion, "be a complete dumbass", and otherwise ponder "idiotic" and/or "useless" ideas and other such "tomfoolery." [Aforementioned] are only responsible for the results of these actions and tendencies when they have had their addictive substance of choice for that day.

Being a Product of their Environment's Collective Order and Disorder, [Aforementioned] also reserves the Right to have their ideas, technologies, and otherwise all Intellectual Property stolen, re-purposed, and re-attributed at Will ONLY by other Certified Popes. Corporations, LLC's, and otherwise Capitalist-based organizations are NOT capable of being Certified Popes.

Battering Rams not included.

minuspace

Spectre of perpetuity in haunted hause, I like it.

Cramulus

Quote from: PoFP on January 30, 2018, 04:24:02 PM
With just slightly more work, you could probably just mount an outlet in the wall and have the device plugged in. And it should totally play a sound snippet from the Cha-Cha Slide song where he goes "Now... It's time to get funky-unky-unky..." every 30 minutes or so.

best prank, I think, would be to only play like 1x per month - so it's impossible to anticipate and most of the time, you miss it. But I swear I heard it! You gotta believe me!