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The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)

Started by Doktor Howl, November 15, 2017, 01:33:15 AM

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Doktor Howl

Quote from: nullified on October 07, 2019, 06:40:21 PM
Never mind, I take all the good things about Billy back.

No man who can enjoy a horse can be a friend of mine.

Also, :lulz: at the boss's parting words. "I'll show those fuckers normal" is extremely on brand for you.

I have that effect, I am told.
Molon Lube

Doktor Howl

Quote from: nullified on October 07, 2019, 06:44:45 PM
Quote from: LMNO on October 07, 2019, 06:43:02 PM
Quote from: nullified on October 07, 2019, 06:40:21 PM
No man who can enjoy a horse can be a friend of mine.

If I'm not on your Nemesis list yet, put me on there now.

When inevitably we meet, since I live and work in the Boston area, we shall do battle.

This is gonna be better than Gojira.  I believe I wrote up the last time someone came after LMNO at work.
Molon Lube

LMNO

Quote from: nullified on October 07, 2019, 06:44:45 PM
Quote from: LMNO on October 07, 2019, 06:43:02 PM
Quote from: nullified on October 07, 2019, 06:40:21 PM
No man who can enjoy a horse can be a friend of mine.

If I'm not on your Nemesis list yet, put me on there now.

When inevitably we meet, since I live and work in the Boston area, we shall do battle.

I, for one, will be on horseback.  You fucker.

altered

A foolish decision, as I will be on a motorboat. No, I don't care that we will be on land. The sounds of the engine will terrify and derange your steed while I throw plants at you. My success is assured.
"I am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me."

There's over 100 of us in this meat-suit. You'd think it runs like a ship, but it's more like a hundred and ten angry ghosts having an old-school QuakeWorld tournament, three people desperately trying to make sure the gamers don't go hungry or soil themselves, and the Facilities manager weeping in the corner as the garbage piles high.

Doktor Howl

Boss:  "...And then we realized that Baby Engineer was never taught the difference between capital and expense, so none of the allocations were made."

Me:  "Yeah, they were."

Boss:  "When?"

Billy:  "Last night, between 3 PM and 11 PM."

Boss:  "You sorted 600 invoices?"

Me:  *slides flash drive across table*

Boss:  "Who told you to do that?"

Me:  "I knew it had to be done."

Boss:  "Well, you know what the reward for hard work is?"

Billy:  "A bottle of rum and a fat bag of crank?"

Boss:  "No, more work.  I need you guys to cost out the new cooling system."

Me:  "Done."

Boss:  "..."

Billy:  "We were bored this morning."

Boss:  "How much?"

Me:  "Labor.  All parts are on hand."

Boss:  "We do not have those parts."

Billy:  "We do.  We totally do."

Boss:  "Where?"

Me:  "We're gonna use the two spare chillers from the machine department, a couple of 300 gallon totes, a sump pump, and one of the old Watlow controllers."

Billy:  "We made it out of scrap.  In a cave."

Boss:  "It's that easy?"

Me:  "For proof of concept.  A productions system, on the other hand, is very expensive.  Lots of R&D."

Boss:  "But this IS the R&D, and it's labor only."

Me:  "..."

Billy:  "..."

Boss:  "..."

Billy:  "Lots of money."

Boss:  "You are wizards but you should be wizards somewhere else."

Billy:  "Huh?"

Me:  "He's throwing us out of his office."

Billy:  "Oh, okay.  That's normal."
Molon Lube

Doktor Howl

Things that got said at work today:

Billy:  "If I can't have an employee shot for malingering, what is the *point* of being an acting department manager?"

Me:  "Not everything has to explode.  I mean, everything *should*, but sometimes you can just get by with delivering a nerve agent.  Or a psychotropic drug.  I mean, sure, you can blow your enemy up or poison him to death, but you can also watch him run down the road buck naked, screaming that rats are eating his brains.  Why are you all looking at me like that?"

Boss:  "Product dropped and we have only 600 units back ordered.  I don't know whether to give the production department a raise or have the sales department shot."
Molon Lube

chaotic neutral observer

Quote from: Doktor Howl on October 21, 2019, 05:07:31 PM
Boss:  "Product dropped and we have only 600 units back ordered.  I don't know whether to give the production department a raise or have the sales department shot."
Have the production department shoot the sales department.  It will be good for morale, and will save the expense of a pay raise.
Desine fata deum flecti sperare precando.

Doktor Howl

Quote from: chaotic neutral observer on October 22, 2019, 01:43:28 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on October 21, 2019, 05:07:31 PM
Boss:  "Product dropped and we have only 600 units back ordered.  I don't know whether to give the production department a raise or have the sales department shot."
Have the production department shoot the sales department.  It will be good for morale, and will save the expense of a pay raise.

You're in the wrong business.   :lulz:
Molon Lube

Doktor Howl

Boss:  "So I'm thinking Billy is going to be the new maintenance manager, because I have other things for you to do."

Me:  "Okay, like what?"

Boss:  "Get control of the money."

Billy:  "Oh, he can do money."

Boss: "Billy, you will still report through him.  Because that's one less person I have to look at."

Me:  "What's my new job title?"

Boss:  "Wizard.  You are now the director of wizard."

Me:  "I am drunk with power."

Billy:  "Here we go."

Me:  "This is all normal, mortal."

Molon Lube

altered

Oh my god.

If they give you a placard I DEMAND PICTURES.
"I am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me."

There's over 100 of us in this meat-suit. You'd think it runs like a ship, but it's more like a hundred and ten angry ghosts having an old-school QuakeWorld tournament, three people desperately trying to make sure the gamers don't go hungry or soil themselves, and the Facilities manager weeping in the corner as the garbage piles high.

Fujikoma


Doktor Howl

Quote from: nullified on October 26, 2019, 12:10:24 AM
Oh my god.

If they give you a placard I DEMAND PICTURES.

I guess Monday is the day I highjack the laser engraver.
Molon Lube

Doktor Howl

The Tucson Rules:

1. Tucson is everywhere. Everywhere is Tucson.
2. This being Tucson, your petty laws do not apply.
3. Some physical laws may also not apply. This is often situational.
4. If the police are all throwing up, don't look.
5. If you leave Tucson from the North, you enter Tucson from the South. Like in Pac Man.
6. Don't ask why all the bar stools are covered in bite marks if you don't want to know. Why do I even have to say this?
7. It is still 1979 in Tucson, only with smart phones.
8. Trump may be your president, but ours is Neil Sedaka, and breaking up is hard to do.
9. Accelerate out of trouble.
10. Save your brightest smile for hell, darlings.
Molon Lube

Fujikoma

Quote from: Doktor Howl on October 26, 2019, 07:06:08 AM
Quote from: nullified on October 26, 2019, 12:10:24 AM
Oh my god.

If they give you a placard I DEMAND PICTURES.

I guess Monday is the day I highjack the laser engraver.

Do eet. Fucking do it. It should read "Head Wizard". Somewhere, Dumbledore is turning over in his grave, they weren't supposed to just turn Hogwarts over to the dark lord.

altered

Quote from: Fujikoma on October 26, 2019, 02:01:13 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on October 26, 2019, 07:06:08 AM
Quote from: nullified on October 26, 2019, 12:10:24 AM
Oh my god.

If they give you a placard I DEMAND PICTURES.

I guess Monday is the day I highjack the laser engraver.

Do eet. Fucking do it. It should read "Head Wizard". Somewhere, Dumbledore is turning over in his grave, they weren't supposed to just turn Hogwarts over to the dark lord.

How fucking dare you defile this Holy Place with J.K.Rowling tripe.

ETA: This is supposed to be a joke but J. K. Rowling is still trash and you should still feel bad.
"I am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me."

There's over 100 of us in this meat-suit. You'd think it runs like a ship, but it's more like a hundred and ten angry ghosts having an old-school QuakeWorld tournament, three people desperately trying to make sure the gamers don't go hungry or soil themselves, and the Facilities manager weeping in the corner as the garbage piles high.