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The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)

Started by Doktor Howl, November 15, 2017, 01:33:15 AM

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Fujikoma

#420
I don't feel bad, not in the slightest. There are no sacred cows anywhere. Also it was a joke you awful chode.

EDIT: Also Nullified, sorry about the "awful chode" comment. I'd call someone much worse than a chode if I were truly upset, it was another joke, I need a new sense of humor.

Doktor Howl

Molon Lube

altered

My bad, I had just woken up at the time and didn't tailor the reply to the audience appropriately. Entire thing made in a good-natured spirit, edit included (I will not apologize for hating Rowling though).
"I am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me."

There's over 100 of us in this meat-suit. You'd think it runs like a ship, but it's more like a hundred and ten angry ghosts having an old-school QuakeWorld tournament, three people desperately trying to make sure the gamers don't go hungry or soil themselves, and the Facilities manager weeping in the corner as the garbage piles high.

Doktor Howl

So, it looks like we will be sharing the grounds with a growery.  Because nothing makes more sense than hostile technology on one end of the facility and hippies on the other.  And given that we don't boot people for pot on drug screens, this pretty much assures that the people advancing the surveillance society will be all fucked up on drugs.  Which is as it should be.

This is truly the best of all possible timelines.
Molon Lube

The Johnny


Now you guys just need to actually start growing food, install a bunker and a confederate flag, and you're all set to fight the Chinese/Russian invasion, lead the resistance against the deep state takeover or win the con/lib civil war  :lulz:
<<My image in some places, is of a monster of some kind who wants to pull a string and manipulate people. Nothing could be further from the truth. People are manipulated; I just want them to be manipulated more effectively.>>

-B.F. Skinner

Doktor Howl

Quote from: The Johnny on October 30, 2019, 09:15:11 PM

Now you guys just need to actually start growing food, install a bunker and a confederate flag, and you're all set to fight the Chinese/Russian invasion, lead the resistance against the deep state takeover or win the con/lib civil war  :lulz:

Confederate flag?  This was a union territory and everyone hates the confederacy.
Molon Lube

Cain

Quote from: Doktor Howl on October 30, 2019, 06:34:21 PM
So, it looks like we will be sharing the grounds with a growery.  Because nothing makes more sense than hostile technology on one end of the facility and hippies on the other.  And given that we don't boot people for pot on drug screens, this pretty much assures that the people advancing the surveillance society will be all fucked up on drugs.  Which is as it should be.

This is truly the best of all possible timelines.

If it was good enough for the CIA in the 1950s...

Doktor Howl

Billy:  "...And then HR says that you can't fire someone for being a dickhead."

Me:  "Makes you wonder what the point is, right?"

Billy:  "I can't understand it.  Is there a better reason to fire someone?"

Me:  "Well, yes.  'Not getting the job done' comes to mind."

Billy:  "Getting the job done should be implied by the very fact that we are here."

Me:  "So what are you going to do?"

Billy:  "I'm going to go buy 5 loaves of bread."

Me:  "..."

Billy:  "Then I'm gonna chop the bread up."

Me:  "..."

Billy:  "Then I'm gonna throw it all over the roof."

Me:  "But then the pigeons will..."

Me:  "Oh."

Billy:  "Then a certain DICKHEAD will have to clean up pigeon shit until he quits."

Me:  *sniffle*  "My little Billy is all grown up."
Molon Lube

Doktor Howl

Billy:  "You did what?"

Me:  "I sold the facility to pot farmers."

Billy:  "You sold your own workplace?  You can't do that!"

Me:  "I can.  I did."

Billy:  "So what happens to us?"

Me:  "We use the North building rent free for 24 months while we locate and move to a more appropriate facility."

Billy:  "How did you manage that?"

Me:  "The day I can't out-negotiate a half a dozen venture capitalists and a couple of hippies is the day you are morally-obligated to SHOOT ME IN MY FACE."

*boss walks in*

Boss:  "Did I just hear that someone is jumping head in line to shoot Dok in his face?"

Billy:  "I have known him longer."

Boss:  "I outrank you."

Me:  "I'm kinda STANDING RIGHT HERE, GUYS."

Billy:  "For the moment, anyways."




Molon Lube

altered

I yearn for the day people argue about who gets dibs on murdering me. That's what real success looks like!
"I am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me."

There's over 100 of us in this meat-suit. You'd think it runs like a ship, but it's more like a hundred and ten angry ghosts having an old-school QuakeWorld tournament, three people desperately trying to make sure the gamers don't go hungry or soil themselves, and the Facilities manager weeping in the corner as the garbage piles high.

Doktor Howl

At work today:

Me:  "My revenge will be of a nuclear savagery powerful enough to slam you back in time and explode you in your mother's womb."
Molon Lube

altered

I can top that, for once.

Me: [Outsourced CS company] can be trusted only to ensure we keep our jobs. Nowhere else will you find people whose idea of customer service is to fucking cancel an order a customer asked to expedite.

Coworker: We should launch them into the damn sun.

Me: ARE YOU CRAZY

[blank stares]

Me: THE SUN WOULD GO OUT! They're not fit for fuel!
"I am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me."

There's over 100 of us in this meat-suit. You'd think it runs like a ship, but it's more like a hundred and ten angry ghosts having an old-school QuakeWorld tournament, three people desperately trying to make sure the gamers don't go hungry or soil themselves, and the Facilities manager weeping in the corner as the garbage piles high.

Doktor Howl

Quote from: nullified on November 18, 2019, 11:16:08 PM
I can top that, for once.

Me: [Outsourced CS company] can be trusted only to ensure we keep our jobs. Nowhere else will you find people whose idea of customer service is to fucking cancel an order a customer asked to expedite.

Coworker: We should launch them into the damn sun.

Me: ARE YOU CRAZY

[blank stares]

Me: THE SUN WOULD GO OUT! They're not fit for fuel!

:lol:
Molon Lube

Doktor Howl

Molon Lube

Doktor Howl

Molon Lube