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The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)

Started by Doktor Howl, November 15, 2017, 01:33:15 AM

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Doktor Howl

Molon Lube

LMNO


Doktor Howl

Quote from: LMNO on April 06, 2018, 01:00:30 PM
When's Billy's last day?

Today was his last day.  There's a good story in this, but it will have to wait until my blood sugar is where it needs to be.

Monday he gets the first two tons of shit.
Molon Lube

Doktor Howl

I am on this "energy committee" thing at work. It hasn't even actually been formed yet, nobody has been confirmed as a member. I am already being emailed by people who are *most likely* going to be members, and all of them are saying, "These are our conclusions, please warp the data to fit."

Also, the engineer involved is hilariously condescending. Today, he tried to explain to me what a kilowatt hour is, because I am obviously a trogdolyte who thinks that electricity is magic given to us by the Gods.

And here I am, with no Billy to assist me in my horrible mockery.   :cry:
Molon Lube

LMNO


Doktor Howl

Kevin: "I can't understand it. I checked everything, and the fiber optics still aren't working."

Me: "You sure you checked everything?"

Kevin: "I walked the entire building."

Me: "Oh. I probably should have told you...Someone ran the node over. Again."

Molon Lube

Vanadium Gryllz

Completely flattened it!

Do these people just drive off after smashing the nodes?
"I was fine until my skin came off.  I'm never going to South Attelboro again."

LMNO


Doktor Howl

Quote from: LMNO on April 13, 2018, 12:45:00 PM
I like how you strung Kevin along on that one.

Troubleshooting sometimes includes noticing the obvious.  Like a gigantic truck full of sand repeatedly driving over your signal source, forever.
Molon Lube

Doktor Howl

Quote from: Vanadium Gryllz on April 13, 2018, 02:09:47 AM
Completely flattened it!

Do these people just drive off after smashing the nodes?

The first truck driver did.  I heard he made bail.

The second guy just stood there looking sheepish until the cops showed up, so it was just an insurance thing.
Molon Lube

Doktor Howl

#70
My new office has the following dimensions:

Height:  15 feet
Wall 1:  6.5 feet
Wall 2:  16.5 feet
Wall 3:  13 feet
Wall 4:  11 feet
Wall 5:  21 feet.

Also, the angles don't add up. 

Hounds of Tindalos?  NEVER HEARD OF THEM.
Molon Lube

Doktor Howl

Things I said at work today:

1.  "The reason you dislike your job is because you have not yet been exposed to academia."
2.  "No, we cannot post ads in the paper about your missing boa constrictor.  How the hell did you lose a boa constrictor?  How big was it?  Oh, this should be an interesting week or so."
3.  "Boss, I don't feel it's fair to ask me to keep a straight face about a homeowner losing a 12 foot boa constrictor in a town full of cranky & slow old MAGA people.  This is how I get my happy thoughts, you knew that when you hired me."
Molon Lube

LMNO

Quote from: Doktor Howl on April 14, 2018, 08:32:44 AM
My new office has the following dimensions:

Height:  15 feet
Wall 1:  6.5 feet
Wall 2:  16.5 feet
Wall 3:  13 feet
Wall 4:  11 feet
Wall 5:  21 feet.

Also, the angles don't add up. 

Hounds of Tindalos?  NEVER HEARD OF THEM.

I completely forgot to ask how you ended up with a pentagon for an office.

Doktor Howl

Quote from: LMNO on May 16, 2018, 10:59:18 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on April 14, 2018, 08:32:44 AM
My new office has the following dimensions:

Height:  15 feet
Wall 1:  6.5 feet
Wall 2:  16.5 feet
Wall 3:  13 feet
Wall 4:  11 feet
Wall 5:  21 feet.

Also, the angles don't add up. 

Hounds of Tindalos?  NEVER HEARD OF THEM.

I completely forgot to ask how you ended up with a pentagon for an office.

I am apparently not designed to be viewed by the general public, and my henchmen are worse.

So they found an extradimensional space for our exile.

CALL ME ZOD, HUMANS!
Molon Lube

Doktor Howl

Kevin:  "You should stop laughing, boss.  This isn't funny."

Me:  "There are no possible conditions under which this isn't funny."

Kevin:  "She was seriously injured."

Me:  "Yes.  She was seriously injured because she was walking on the Spanish tiles on a roof on which she had no business being, trying to catch waiters fucking off out back for a smoke.  How the hell did she even get up there?  I don't know.  You don't know.  Nobody fucking knows, and she ain't saying.  So instead of doing her flying nun routine, she fell.  And she fell because God hates a busy-body snitch who has no better way to spend her retirement than criminal trespassing in an attempt to get a minimum wage employee fired."

Kevin:  "Well, when you say it like that..."

Me:  "Damn right.  God hates snitches, I hate snitches, and every right-thinking human being hates snitches."

Kevin:  "Harsh."

Me:  "Remember Judas Iscariot?  Neither do I."
Molon Lube