Okay, so you have this blue sky project, right? You've been told to force electrons to "tunnel". You don't care why or how, just that they do it. And that loads of them do it in a very short period of time.
So you smack them with lasers pulsing a few hundred thousand times per second, to make this happen (it doesn't, at least not that we could prove.). This may involve side effects of particles going bad (whoopsie, sorry everyone). But it doesn't work.
The goal of all of this lies in an obscure postulation from the 90s. When electrons tunnel, the space surrounding them gets "greasy". Some dumbfuck called it "quantum foam" (this included for LMNO's benefit), which allows you move in different ways (Hello, HP Lovecraft). Like up in time, so long as you return within 1/100,000 of a second ahead of where you left off (in objective time. How long you fucked off for is up to you and your ability to withstand being sand blasted by particles that you pass through fast enough for them to effectively count as radiation (If a bullet hits you at 700 MPH, are you any more dead than you hitting a bullet at 700 MPH?). Oh, and your fuel source. That's kind of important, too.)
Now, once you get upstream, a few things would supposedly happen.
1. The universe has to collapse probability because there is an outside observer. So you get *a* version of the future. Lottery tickets will not help you. This is a potential future.
2. When you can no longer keep the universe greasy, you snap back to where you were. The universe doesn't care what condition you're in, just that the conservation books are balanced.
3. When snapback occurs, the potential universe ceases to exist. An omnicide every trip!
If this sounds like bad science fiction, it is. Except for a few interesting lines of math, this is utter shit, and has been from the beginning. However, we did learn a few new tricks with lasers, only the patent doesn't belong to us.
State Congressman XYZ: "So you're telling me that every time you start that thing up, there is a miniscule chance of getting this "vacuum decay" and wiping out creation?"
Me: "Yes."
SC: "And were you planning on doing that?"
Me: "I have been doing it every day for two weeks. Imagine my disappointment."
SC: "..."
Me: *stares motherfuckerly*
SC: "You're nuts."
Norton: "Oh, shit, here we go."
SC: "What?"
Me: "They called me...mad.
*meeting ends, project scrapped, waiting for new assignment."
