The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)

[Doktor Howl]

So, the new facility is 105,000 ft^2, plus offices.

We need 102,000 ft^2 plus offices.

I have just been told that to help recoup expenses, we will be leasing 25,000 ft^2 out for storage to another firm.  Also, the floor plan we developed based on available utilities and scrubbers has been scrubbed, and the layout will be decided on by everyone except facilities and engineering.  Marketing, for example, has some good ideas about machine tool placement.

This will cost about $759,000 in additional electrical work, plus another $80,000 in permit changes, not to mention the permanent loss of revenue due to decreased efficiency of the production lines (which are more "weird figure 8s" than "lines".)

We now have 422 days total (293 regular workdays) to complete this move.  The machine tools will now take 450 days to move, assuming we want to keep production going during the move.

I should have gone to Wyoming, really.

[Faust]

The math doesnt add upon that floor space if you lease out the 25k  unless the marketing department are planning on sitting in the carpark which sounds like a good idea after the rest of what you have described

[Doktor Howl]

The math doesnt add upon that floor space if you lease out the 25k  unless the marketing department are planning on sitting in the carpark which sounds like a good idea after the rest of what you have described

Well, yeah.  Marketing doesn't care because they're in the office area which isn't impacted.

The thing is, this is a bunch of dick waving while our deadline ticks away.

[Doktor Howl]

Norton is slacking off from work today, receiving his "masters degree" in chemistry.  What's more, he's already been picked up by a multinational, so he leaves on 1 March.

It's just as well...once they have their advanced degree, you can't pay them in Ramen anymore.

So before he leaves, I've been having him draw up some prints on a scaled drawing of the new plant.  When he comes back tomorrow, I will have to let him know that he used the wrong scale.

[Doktor Howl]

Things I said at work today:

1.  "Walter, you are replacing a guy named Norton, who seemed to be in a big hurry to leave when he got his masters.  But never mind that, you'll be fine.  We always treat our grad students with all the respect they deserve."
2.  "Has anyone seen the stealth drone we were ready to test?"
3.  "Did Goldfinger ever have days like this?"

[Doktor Howl]

Today at work:

Me:  "Okay, Walter, we have a technical challenge ahead of us, here.  <explains challenge>."

Walter:  "Sounds doable.  Only one problem."

Me:  "Yeah?"

Walter:  "My name isn't Walter,  it's Brian."

Me:  "We already have a Brian, so I reassigned your name."

Walter:  "..."

Me:  "So, how do you propose we deal with <technical problem>?

Walter:  "..."

John:  "This is how it is now, Walter.  We can't have any confusion."

Walter:  "What will my paychecks say?"

John:  "Brian."

Me:  "But we know differently, don't we?"

Walter:  "..."

Me:  "We're going to do great things."

[Doktor Howl]

Today at work:

Me:  "Holy shit, it mostly works."

Walter:  "I can still see it, but not clearly."

Me:  "We're 20 feet away from it in a well lit room.  I bet you money you won't see it tonight on the range without thermal sights even if you know where to look."

Walter:  "I think you're right.  Um."

Me:  "What's 'um'?"

Walter:  "This is actually kinda bad.  I mean, that it works."

Me:  "How so?  We will have completed our contractual obligations early and thus get a fat bonus."

Walter:  "But this is bad."

Me:  "The time to notice that was when we started."

Walter:  "This could be abused."

Me:  "It can ONLY be abused.  It was designed to be abused.  The entire CONCEPT is abuse."

Walter:  "So we're the bad guys?"

Me:  "Well, we're certainly not the good guys."

Walter:  "I don't know if I can keep doing this sort of job."

Me:  "Well, if you like dull species extinction, quit."

Walter:  "What?"

Me:  "Our species is doomed.  Mostly likely it will happen in a boring way, like drowning in our own waste.  Or we can give the apocalypse a little opera."

Walter:  "..."

Me:  "Dying miserably from starvation during endless storms and droughts, or horrible invisible drones of buzzing death?  You gotta choose."

Walter:  "..."

Me:  "This is all normal, Walter."

Walter:  "My name is Brian."

Me:  "We've talked about this."

Walter: "..."

Me:  "We're going to do..."

Walter:  "Don't say it."

Me:  "Great things, Walter.  Great things."

[Doktor Howl]

It just occurred to me that I actually DO work at HIMEOBS.

[Doktor Howl]

Next phase of the project:  ZOMBIE DRONES.  OMFG, I'M GONNA SQUEE!

This is actually the future I was threatened with as an unruly child promised.

[Faust]

As in cadavers plus actuators?

[Doktor Howl]

As in cadavers plus actuators?

No, it's not THAT cool.

But it's still cool.

[chaotic neutral observer]

Next phase of the project:  ZOMBIE DRONES.  OMFG, I'M GONNA SQUEE!

This is actually the future I was threatened with as an unruly child promised.

In the event of a central control failure, the Drone Group will immediately switch to Autonomous Death Swarm configuration.  All self-preservation protocols will be disengaged, coordination will switch to the "mesh" mode, and the group will swarm the nearest target of opportunity, destroying themselves as necessary.  This protocol is intended as a countermeasure to preclude disabling a Drone Group by destroying its central control.

"Cut off the head, and the body flies at you, mercilessly."

[Doktor Howl]

Next phase of the project:  ZOMBIE DRONES.  OMFG, I'M GONNA SQUEE!

This is actually the future I was threatened with as an unruly child promised.

In the event of a central control failure, the Drone Group will immediately switch to Autonomous Death Swarm configuration.  All self-preservation protocols will be disengaged, coordination will switch to the "mesh" mode, and the group will swarm the nearest target of opportunity, destroying themselves as necessary.  This protocol is intended as a countermeasure to preclude disabling a Drone Group by destroying its central control.

"Cut off the head, and the body flies at you, mercilessly."

That's not a bad idea at all, but it's not what goes on here.

Drones park where they can recharge via induction or whatever, and then they just go dormant, totally passive.  A few here, a few there.  Then they wait until a command from another drone or a human operator tells them to do something.  Whatever that something is, "Hey we have a bazillion cameras right where we need them" for one kind of drone, and "horrible cloud of surprise DEFF" for another kind.

The trick is durability.  This gag only works if they can sit for 3-5 years.

[P3nT4gR4m]

That's not a zombie and you know it. Sure it's cool as fuck and I can't wait to start hacking these things in the field for profit and lulz but damn you all to hell for getting my hopes up!

[Doktor Howl]

That's not a zombie and you know it. Sure it's cool as fuck and I can't wait to start hacking these things in the field for profit and lulz but damn you all to hell for getting my hopes up!

If you can hack them in the field, you deserve to keep them.