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The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)

Started by Doktor Howl, November 15, 2017, 01:33:15 AM

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chaotic neutral observer

Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 04, 2018, 09:59:46 PM
Kevin:  "Did he ever do any refrigeration work?"

Me:  "Nope.  Electronics."
I'm finding it a bit difficult not to employ the "no-true-scotsman" fallacy, here.  I mean, wouldn't a real electronics guy know that big things have big tradeoffs?

Quote
Kevin:  "Is he really that arrogant?"

Me:  "Engineer."
We're not all bad.  I have a degree in electrical engineering, but I'm the first to admit you shouldn't let me try to fix your blender.  Not unless you have the schematics for it.

It's reasonable to assume arrogance by default, though.  ERTW is part of the culture, or at least it was, back when I was in school.

Quote
Me:  "But we aren't going to fix it, at least until he has rolled in his own poop for a while.  Engineers can't learn without pain and humiliation."
This is true.  It might even take more than one incident.

Quote
Me:  This is all normal, Billy."
"Situation normal" is one of my pre-canned responses to "How's it going?"  I'm trying to train the project manager to wince whenever I use it.  I have a manic grin to go along with it.
Desine fata deum flecti sperare precando.

Doktor Howl

Quote from: chaotic neutral observer on September 05, 2018, 03:13:19 AM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 04, 2018, 09:59:46 PM
Kevin:  "Did he ever do any refrigeration work?"

Me:  "Nope.  Electronics."
I'm finding it a bit difficult not to employ the "no-true-scotsman" fallacy, here.  I mean, wouldn't a real electronics guy know that big things have big tradeoffs?

Quote
Kevin:  "Is he really that arrogant?"

Me:  "Engineer."
We're not all bad.  I have a degree in electrical engineering, but I'm the first to admit you shouldn't let me try to fix your blender.  Not unless you have the schematics for it.

It's reasonable to assume arrogance by default, though.  ERTW is part of the culture, or at least it was, back when I was in school.

Quote
Me:  "But we aren't going to fix it, at least until he has rolled in his own poop for a while.  Engineers can't learn without pain and humiliation."
This is true.  It might even take more than one incident.

Quote
Me:  This is all normal, Billy."
"Situation normal" is one of my pre-canned responses to "How's it going?"  I'm trying to train the project manager to wince whenever I use it.  I have a manic grin to go along with it.

There are two kinds of engineers. 

Ron is the third kind.
Molon Lube

Doktor Howl

I mean, I have worked with some deranged assholes in my time, but this guy is the all time champion.
Molon Lube

Doktor Howl

Also, Engineers do not rule the world.  Engineers function at the whim of the people who carve up the budget.

The money people.  LMNO.  You know when they're around because your money panics in a moment of existential dread.  Your stocks go sideways and they will teach you to NEVER again stick your junk in the bond market, if you know what I mean.  And I think you do.  When money people are around, all the radio stations start playing Abba, except the religious AM stations, and those just start howling about "improper physics" or maybe about how "WE GOT YOUR FRIENDS WE GOT YOUR FAMILY IA IA IA!". 

Engineers design things, given enough motivation (pain, humiliation, astonishingly small bonuses, and maybe a convention or two that they falsely assume is a chance at mating).  Engineers in their resting state do whatever they can to prevent anything from actually being built or repaired, because YOU'RE DOIN' IT WRONG YOU HORRIBLE LITTLE MAINTENANCE OBJECT.  Their radios only play David Mustaine, because they're edgy like that.

MY people, on the other hand, are terminally-lazy, half-educated people that are good with their hands if you poke them with the stun wand a time or ten.  They have a deep-seated phobia of work and react to new knowledge and techniques with spastic horror.

Everybody sucks. 
Molon Lube

LMNO


Doktor Howl

Quote from: LMNO on September 05, 2018, 08:56:34 PM
...and what's wrong with ABBA?

Nothing is wrong with Abba.  It was the absolute exemplar of the British music scene.
Molon Lube

Capeditiea

Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 05, 2018, 08:55:13 PM
Also, Engineers do not rule the world.  Engineers function at the whim of the people who carve up the budget.

The money people.  LMNO.  You know when they're around because your money panics in a moment of existential dread.  Your stocks go sideways and they will teach you to NEVER again stick your junk in the bond market, if you know what I mean.  And I think you do.  When money people are around, all the radio stations start playing Abba, except the religious AM stations, and those just start howling about "improper physics" or maybe about how "WE GOT YOUR FRIENDS WE GOT YOUR FAMILY IA IA IA!". 

Engineers design things, given enough motivation (pain, humiliation, astonishingly small bonuses, and maybe a convention or two that they falsely assume is a chance at mating).  Engineers in their resting state do whatever they can to prevent anything from actually being built or repaired, because YOU'RE DOIN' IT WRONG YOU HORRIBLE LITTLE MAINTENANCE OBJECT.  Their radios only play David Mustaine, because they're edgy like that.

MY people, on the other hand, are terminally-lazy, half-educated people that are good with their hands if you poke them with the stun wand a time or ten.  They have a deep-seated phobia of work and react to new knowledge and techniques with spastic horror.

Everybody sucks. 


you may need to invest in some essential equipment (nipple electrical shocker thing, a few dozen whips, black nylon rope, fuzzy handcuffs, a three foot long dildo that attaches to the table or wall, and duck tape.)

after you obtain these items, you can start using them effectively, :D before you know it you will be promoted to CEO. I garantee it.
The Goddess of Discord = 67 = Eris Kallisti Discordja = 67 = Gnosis Goddess of Art and Creativity = 67 = Capeditiea = 67 = Goddess of Enigma
[GoN]

Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 05, 2018, 10:21:16 PM
It was fucking horrible.  Do not trust your younger self.

Doktor Howl

Quote from: Capeditiea on September 05, 2018, 09:11:10 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 05, 2018, 08:55:13 PM
Also, Engineers do not rule the world.  Engineers function at the whim of the people who carve up the budget.

The money people.  LMNO.  You know when they're around because your money panics in a moment of existential dread.  Your stocks go sideways and they will teach you to NEVER again stick your junk in the bond market, if you know what I mean.  And I think you do.  When money people are around, all the radio stations start playing Abba, except the religious AM stations, and those just start howling about "improper physics" or maybe about how "WE GOT YOUR FRIENDS WE GOT YOUR FAMILY IA IA IA!". 

Engineers design things, given enough motivation (pain, humiliation, astonishingly small bonuses, and maybe a convention or two that they falsely assume is a chance at mating).  Engineers in their resting state do whatever they can to prevent anything from actually being built or repaired, because YOU'RE DOIN' IT WRONG YOU HORRIBLE LITTLE MAINTENANCE OBJECT.  Their radios only play David Mustaine, because they're edgy like that.

MY people, on the other hand, are terminally-lazy, half-educated people that are good with their hands if you poke them with the stun wand a time or ten.  They have a deep-seated phobia of work and react to new knowledge and techniques with spastic horror.

Everybody sucks. 


you may need to invest in some essential equipment (nipple electrical shocker thing, a few dozen whips, black nylon rope, fuzzy handcuffs, a three foot long dildo that attaches to the table or wall, and duck tape.)

after you obtain these items, you can start using them effectively, :D before you know it you will be promoted to CEO. I garantee it.

I feel as if I should point out that I have infested this planet for 50 years this October, and there is absolutely nothing you can shock me with when it comes to depravity.  If you were not around for the Reagan years, you cannot truly understand perversion and should find a different approach.  LMNO will back me up on this, he is almost as hideously old as I am, and would have fucked a mud puddle if it wiggled, back before he found Jesus.

Doktor Howl,
Old and vile and covered in fleas.
Molon Lube

Capeditiea

Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 05, 2018, 09:14:13 PM
Quote from: Capeditiea on September 05, 2018, 09:11:10 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 05, 2018, 08:55:13 PM
Also, Engineers do not rule the world.  Engineers function at the whim of the people who carve up the budget.

The money people.  LMNO.  You know when they're around because your money panics in a moment of existential dread.  Your stocks go sideways and they will teach you to NEVER again stick your junk in the bond market, if you know what I mean.  And I think you do.  When money people are around, all the radio stations start playing Abba, except the religious AM stations, and those just start howling about "improper physics" or maybe about how "WE GOT YOUR FRIENDS WE GOT YOUR FAMILY IA IA IA!". 

Engineers design things, given enough motivation (pain, humiliation, astonishingly small bonuses, and maybe a convention or two that they falsely assume is a chance at mating).  Engineers in their resting state do whatever they can to prevent anything from actually being built or repaired, because YOU'RE DOIN' IT WRONG YOU HORRIBLE LITTLE MAINTENANCE OBJECT.  Their radios only play David Mustaine, because they're edgy like that.

MY people, on the other hand, are terminally-lazy, half-educated people that are good with their hands if you poke them with the stun wand a time or ten.  They have a deep-seated phobia of work and react to new knowledge and techniques with spastic horror.

Everybody sucks. 


you may need to invest in some essential equipment (nipple electrical shocker thing, a few dozen whips, black nylon rope, fuzzy handcuffs, a three foot long dildo that attaches to the table or wall, and duck tape.)

after you obtain these items, you can start using them effectively, :D before you know it you will be promoted to CEO. I garantee it.

I feel as if I should point out that I have infested this planet for 50 years this October, and there is absolutely nothing you can shock me with when it comes to depravity.  If you were not around for the Reagan years, you cannot truly understand perversion and should find a different approach.  LMNO will back me up on this, he is almost as hideously old as I am, and would have fucked a mud puddle if it wiggled, back before he found Jesus.

Doktor Howl,
Old and vile and covered in fleas.

so, you're saying the other folk at the place you work is of a similar age? :O

*nods, this body was born during the Reagon Reign. :D
The Goddess of Discord = 67 = Eris Kallisti Discordja = 67 = Gnosis Goddess of Art and Creativity = 67 = Capeditiea = 67 = Goddess of Enigma
[GoN]

Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 05, 2018, 10:21:16 PM
It was fucking horrible.  Do not trust your younger self.

Doktor Howl

Quote from: Capeditiea on September 05, 2018, 09:16:59 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 05, 2018, 09:14:13 PM
Quote from: Capeditiea on September 05, 2018, 09:11:10 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 05, 2018, 08:55:13 PM
Also, Engineers do not rule the world.  Engineers function at the whim of the people who carve up the budget.

The money people.  LMNO.  You know when they're around because your money panics in a moment of existential dread.  Your stocks go sideways and they will teach you to NEVER again stick your junk in the bond market, if you know what I mean.  And I think you do.  When money people are around, all the radio stations start playing Abba, except the religious AM stations, and those just start howling about "improper physics" or maybe about how "WE GOT YOUR FRIENDS WE GOT YOUR FAMILY IA IA IA!". 

Engineers design things, given enough motivation (pain, humiliation, astonishingly small bonuses, and maybe a convention or two that they falsely assume is a chance at mating).  Engineers in their resting state do whatever they can to prevent anything from actually being built or repaired, because YOU'RE DOIN' IT WRONG YOU HORRIBLE LITTLE MAINTENANCE OBJECT.  Their radios only play David Mustaine, because they're edgy like that.

MY people, on the other hand, are terminally-lazy, half-educated people that are good with their hands if you poke them with the stun wand a time or ten.  They have a deep-seated phobia of work and react to new knowledge and techniques with spastic horror.

Everybody sucks. 


you may need to invest in some essential equipment (nipple electrical shocker thing, a few dozen whips, black nylon rope, fuzzy handcuffs, a three foot long dildo that attaches to the table or wall, and duck tape.)

after you obtain these items, you can start using them effectively, :D before you know it you will be promoted to CEO. I garantee it.

I feel as if I should point out that I have infested this planet for 50 years this October, and there is absolutely nothing you can shock me with when it comes to depravity.  If you were not around for the Reagan years, you cannot truly understand perversion and should find a different approach.  LMNO will back me up on this, he is almost as hideously old as I am, and would have fucked a mud puddle if it wiggled, back before he found Jesus.

Doktor Howl,
Old and vile and covered in fleas.

so, you're saying the other folk at the place you work is of a similar age? :O

*nods, this body was born during the Reagon Reign. :D

Yes.  We are all old and cranky, and hate young people.  Especially that bastard Kevin.
Molon Lube

Capeditiea

Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 05, 2018, 09:18:07 PM
Quote from: Capeditiea on September 05, 2018, 09:16:59 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 05, 2018, 09:14:13 PM
Quote from: Capeditiea on September 05, 2018, 09:11:10 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 05, 2018, 08:55:13 PM
Also, Engineers do not rule the world.  Engineers function at the whim of the people who carve up the budget.

The money people.  LMNO.  You know when they're around because your money panics in a moment of existential dread.  Your stocks go sideways and they will teach you to NEVER again stick your junk in the bond market, if you know what I mean.  And I think you do.  When money people are around, all the radio stations start playing Abba, except the religious AM stations, and those just start howling about "improper physics" or maybe about how "WE GOT YOUR FRIENDS WE GOT YOUR FAMILY IA IA IA!". 

Engineers design things, given enough motivation (pain, humiliation, astonishingly small bonuses, and maybe a convention or two that they falsely assume is a chance at mating).  Engineers in their resting state do whatever they can to prevent anything from actually being built or repaired, because YOU'RE DOIN' IT WRONG YOU HORRIBLE LITTLE MAINTENANCE OBJECT.  Their radios only play David Mustaine, because they're edgy like that.

MY people, on the other hand, are terminally-lazy, half-educated people that are good with their hands if you poke them with the stun wand a time or ten.  They have a deep-seated phobia of work and react to new knowledge and techniques with spastic horror.

Everybody sucks. 


you may need to invest in some essential equipment (nipple electrical shocker thing, a few dozen whips, black nylon rope, fuzzy handcuffs, a three foot long dildo that attaches to the table or wall, and duck tape.)

after you obtain these items, you can start using them effectively, :D before you know it you will be promoted to CEO. I garantee it.

I feel as if I should point out that I have infested this planet for 50 years this October, and there is absolutely nothing you can shock me with when it comes to depravity.  If you were not around for the Reagan years, you cannot truly understand perversion and should find a different approach.  LMNO will back me up on this, he is almost as hideously old as I am, and would have fucked a mud puddle if it wiggled, back before he found Jesus.

Doktor Howl,
Old and vile and covered in fleas.

so, you're saying the other folk at the place you work is of a similar age? :O

*nods, this body was born during the Reagon Reign. :D

Yes.  We are all old and cranky, and hate young people.  Especially that bastard Kevin.


:3 interesting. :D well, as a goddess i am probably around 100 times your age. :D 4004. *nods.
The Goddess of Discord = 67 = Eris Kallisti Discordja = 67 = Gnosis Goddess of Art and Creativity = 67 = Capeditiea = 67 = Goddess of Enigma
[GoN]

Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 05, 2018, 10:21:16 PM
It was fucking horrible.  Do not trust your younger self.

Doktor Howl

Quote from: Capeditiea on September 05, 2018, 09:20:20 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 05, 2018, 09:18:07 PM
Quote from: Capeditiea on September 05, 2018, 09:16:59 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 05, 2018, 09:14:13 PM
Quote from: Capeditiea on September 05, 2018, 09:11:10 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 05, 2018, 08:55:13 PM
Also, Engineers do not rule the world.  Engineers function at the whim of the people who carve up the budget.

The money people.  LMNO.  You know when they're around because your money panics in a moment of existential dread.  Your stocks go sideways and they will teach you to NEVER again stick your junk in the bond market, if you know what I mean.  And I think you do.  When money people are around, all the radio stations start playing Abba, except the religious AM stations, and those just start howling about "improper physics" or maybe about how "WE GOT YOUR FRIENDS WE GOT YOUR FAMILY IA IA IA!". 

Engineers design things, given enough motivation (pain, humiliation, astonishingly small bonuses, and maybe a convention or two that they falsely assume is a chance at mating).  Engineers in their resting state do whatever they can to prevent anything from actually being built or repaired, because YOU'RE DOIN' IT WRONG YOU HORRIBLE LITTLE MAINTENANCE OBJECT.  Their radios only play David Mustaine, because they're edgy like that.

MY people, on the other hand, are terminally-lazy, half-educated people that are good with their hands if you poke them with the stun wand a time or ten.  They have a deep-seated phobia of work and react to new knowledge and techniques with spastic horror.

Everybody sucks. 


you may need to invest in some essential equipment (nipple electrical shocker thing, a few dozen whips, black nylon rope, fuzzy handcuffs, a three foot long dildo that attaches to the table or wall, and duck tape.)

after you obtain these items, you can start using them effectively, :D before you know it you will be promoted to CEO. I garantee it.

I feel as if I should point out that I have infested this planet for 50 years this October, and there is absolutely nothing you can shock me with when it comes to depravity.  If you were not around for the Reagan years, you cannot truly understand perversion and should find a different approach.  LMNO will back me up on this, he is almost as hideously old as I am, and would have fucked a mud puddle if it wiggled, back before he found Jesus.

Doktor Howl,
Old and vile and covered in fleas.

so, you're saying the other folk at the place you work is of a similar age? :O

*nods, this body was born during the Reagon Reign. :D

Yes.  We are all old and cranky, and hate young people.  Especially that bastard Kevin.


:3 interesting. :D well, as a goddess i am probably around 100 times your age. :D 4004. *nods.

HAH.  I am a Titan.  Like that Cronut guy. 


Therefore WAY older.
Molon Lube

Capeditiea

Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 05, 2018, 09:21:13 PM
Quote from: Capeditiea on September 05, 2018, 09:20:20 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 05, 2018, 09:18:07 PM
Quote from: Capeditiea on September 05, 2018, 09:16:59 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 05, 2018, 09:14:13 PM

I feel as if I should point out that I have infested this planet for 50 years this October, and there is absolutely nothing you can shock me with when it comes to depravity.  If you were not around for the Reagan years, you cannot truly understand perversion and should find a different approach.  LMNO will back me up on this, he is almost as hideously old as I am, and would have fucked a mud puddle if it wiggled, back before he found Jesus.

Doktor Howl,
Old and vile and covered in fleas.

so, you're saying the other folk at the place you work is of a similar age? :O

*nods, this body was born during the Reagon Reign. :D

Yes.  We are all old and cranky, and hate young people.  Especially that bastard Kevin.


:3 interesting. :D well, as a goddess i am probably around 100 times your age. :D 4004. *nods.

HAH.  I am a Titan.  Like that Cronut guy. 


Therefore WAY older.

well... shit
The Goddess of Discord = 67 = Eris Kallisti Discordja = 67 = Gnosis Goddess of Art and Creativity = 67 = Capeditiea = 67 = Goddess of Enigma
[GoN]

Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 05, 2018, 10:21:16 PM
It was fucking horrible.  Do not trust your younger self.

hooplala

Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 05, 2018, 09:09:53 PM
Quote from: LMNO on September 05, 2018, 08:56:34 PM
...and what's wrong with ABBA?

Nothing is wrong with Abba.  It was the absolute exemplar of the British music scene.

We now have an entire album of Cher performing ABBA covers. This age is perfection.
"Soon all of us will have special names" — Professor Brian O'Blivion

"Now's not the time to get silly, so wear your big boots and jump on the garbage clowns." — Bob Dylan?

"Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)"
— Walt Whitman

chaotic neutral observer

Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 05, 2018, 08:55:13 PM
Also, Engineers do not rule the world.  Engineers function at the whim of the people who carve up the budget.
We figure that out a few years into our first job.  The arrogant ones (like your Ron) refuse to face it and become even more arrogant.  The smart ones get themselves a solid technical grounding, and then switch careers to budget carving.  The weaker ones, crushed between the caprices of the business development group and the ruthless Judgement of The Machine God, dissipate into the ether, or go into sales.  The rest succumb to the grind.  A few manage to have fun with it.

Quote
Engineers design things, given enough motivation (pain, humiliation, astonishingly small bonuses, and maybe a convention or two that they falsely assume is a chance at mating).
I design things because I find it vaguely amusing, and it keeps me off the streets.  Unfortunately, the things I design are often pretty stupid.  Ever spent two weeks of your life adding a feature nobody is ever going to use, just because that idiot in the systems department wrote it into the spec?

QuoteTheir radios only play David Mustaine, because they're edgy like that.
Never heard of him.

Quote
Everybody sucks.
No exceptions.
Desine fata deum flecti sperare precando.