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The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)

Started by Doktor Howl, November 15, 2017, 01:33:15 AM

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LMNO


Doktor Howl

More year end hijinks

Me:  "Annnnnd the financials are done."

Jeff:  "NOPE."

Me: "What?"

Jeff:  "You got ahead of me, and you have to eat another $25K in labor and $4K in accrued vacation."

Me:  "How do these bastards even get vacation?"

Jeff:  "You don't think people should get vacation?"

Me:  "Sure, but some other time."

Billy:  "He and I worked 17 hour days for days on end and he offered to feed me dead rats when I complained."

Me:  "So I gotta eat $29K MORE?"

Jeff:  "Yep.  This is all normal."  *walks out of room*

Me:  *slumps down on chair*

Billy:  "What do you know?  Even the Doktor can get stuck in the clockwork like everyone else."

Me:  "I am defeated.  My budget is garbage and the coffee is shit and the drugs do nothing."

Billy:  "Cheer up.  We still have the weekend to redo everything we spent the last 17 days doing."

Me:  "You're turning into me, you know."

Billy:  *stares at me for 2 seconds too long* 

Me:  "Don't you fucking say it."

Billy:  "This is all normal, Dok."
Molon Lube

P3nT4gR4m


I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

Doktor Howl

Molon Lube

The Wizard Joseph

 :lulz: :magick:  :lulz:

Your power to inspire is awesome. 'This is all normal' is now my favorite home brewed meme!
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
- Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

"You program the controller to do the thing, only it doesn't do the thing.  It does something else entirely, or nothing at all.  It's like voting."
- Billy, Aug 21st, 2019

"It's not even chaos anymore. It's BANAL."
- Doktor Hamish Howl

chaotic neutral observer

Quote from: Doktor Howl on January 18, 2019, 04:04:49 PM
Are you suggesting I'm responsible for this?  :crankey:

You should be proud.  It is in the nature of a true villain to corrupt the youth, and sow the seeds of destruction for future generations.
Desine fata deum flecti sperare precando.

Doktor Howl

Molon Lube

altered

Quote from: Doktor Howl on January 31, 2019, 03:52:18 AM
Me:  "They called me MAD."

Billy:  "..."

Can we have context, or would it spoil the party?
"I am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me."

There's over 100 of us in this meat-suit. You'd think it runs like a ship, but it's more like a hundred and ten angry ghosts having an old-school QuakeWorld tournament, three people desperately trying to make sure the gamers don't go hungry or soil themselves, and the Facilities manager weeping in the corner as the garbage piles high.

Doktor Howl

Quote from: nullified on January 31, 2019, 09:24:02 AM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on January 31, 2019, 03:52:18 AM
Me:  "They called me MAD."

Billy:  "..."

Can we have context, or would it spoil the party?

It would spoil it.  It was the only funny bit.
Molon Lube

Doktor Howl

At work today:

Me:  "Vinnie, you are as of 10 minutes ago not a janitor."

Vinnie:  "What, are you firing me?"

Me:  "Optimist.  You're the new database admin."

Vinnie:  "I don't know anything about databases."

Me:  "That's the beauty of it.  I don't have to un-train you.  You just learn to do it right the first time."

Me:  *Gestures at Billy*  "You have met the human-shaped mass of corruption that is Billy?"

Billy: "What's up?"

Vinnie:  *stares*

Me:  "Don't look so beat up.  Your salary just doubled."

Vinnie:  "It did?"

Me:  "On the downside, you report to Billy now, though I'll be the one training you, and the IT guy will track your progress."

Vinnie:  "I have three bosses now?"

Me:  "No, you have four bosses now.  Jeff also needs updates on the financial side. "

Billy:  "Welcome to the deep end, kid.  It's full of poop."

Me:  "Don't listen to Billy, he's a pessimist."

Vinnie:  "But you said I report to Billy."

Me:  "Billy reports to me and he never listens to a fucking word I say."

Billy:  "True, true."

Vinnie:  "Do I get a choice in all of this?"

Billy & Me:  *laughs*

Billy:  "We have a saying about choices."

Vinnie:  "...."

Me:  "This is all normal, Vinnie."

Vinnie:  "It is?"

Billy:  Welcome aboard, kid."

Me:  "We're going to do great things."



Molon Lube

chaotic neutral observer

A janitor promoted to database admin...?

Well, I suppose both jobs technically involve cleaning up other people's messes, and if he is self-aware enough to say he doesn't know anything about databases, he's already better than 80% of the IT people out there.
Desine fata deum flecti sperare precando.

Doktor Howl

Quote from: chaotic neutral observer on February 07, 2019, 12:37:55 AM
A janitor promoted to database admin...?

Well, I suppose both jobs technically involve cleaning up other people's messes, and if he is self-aware enough to say he doesn't know anything about databases, he's already better than 80% of the IT people out there.

I believe that you should promote people who show initiative. 

Either they will exceed your wildest expectations, or they will explode violently in the breakdown lane.  I win either way.
Molon Lube

chaotic neutral observer

Quote from: Doktor Howl on February 07, 2019, 01:25:24 AM
I believe that you should promote people who show initiative. 

Either they will exceed your wildest expectations, or they will explode violently in the breakdown lane.  I win either way.

That management strategy sounds like something from the evil overlord list.  I'm starting to get this image of you leaving behind a trail of crushed dreams and nascent supervillains everywhere you go.
Desine fata deum flecti sperare precando.

Doktor Howl

Quote from: chaotic neutral observer on February 07, 2019, 01:06:22 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on February 07, 2019, 01:25:24 AM
I believe that you should promote people who show initiative. 

Either they will exceed your wildest expectations, or they will explode violently in the breakdown lane.  I win either way.

That management strategy sounds like something from the evil overlord list.  I'm starting to get this image of you leaving behind a trail of crushed dreams and nascent supervillains everywhere you go.

YASSS
Molon Lube

P3nT4gR4m

Quote from: chaotic neutral observer on February 07, 2019, 12:37:55 AM
...and if he is self-aware enough to say he doesn't know anything about databases, he's already better than 80% of the IT people out there.

QFT

I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark