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The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)

Started by Doktor Howl, November 15, 2017, 01:33:15 AM

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altered

I've already made my offer, but the cold truth is that Tucson doesn't need a customer service professional or a fountain of useless trivia. It needs evil scientists and fearless gods covered in the feces of their defeated enemies, neither of which is in my portfolio.

I think you'd fit though, CNO.

As for theme songs, I am best known at my workplace for honest to god music withdrawals*, and lurking in the smoker's alley listening to stuff like this: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=D42dVfscV90

But if I had to pick a theme song? Shit, there's really only one choice. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=SpsfkOGfPS8


* when my supervisor notices my metrics slipping he actually asks me "did you listen to something while you were on your break?" I've been sent out on another break more than once for answering no. The numbers do not lie, and the extra break time pays for itself.
"I am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me."

There's over 100 of us in this meat-suit. You'd think it runs like a ship, but it's more like a hundred and ten angry ghosts having an old-school QuakeWorld tournament, three people desperately trying to make sure the gamers don't go hungry or soil themselves, and the Facilities manager weeping in the corner as the garbage piles high.

Doktor Howl

Quote from: nullified on August 24, 2019, 05:47:01 AM
The main sign to me is that you have a pack of people as willing to flaunt their horrible things in public as you are. You got three people to dance out that door with you and only one was Billy. That's only a good sign or the beginning of the apocalypse. (No, Trump doesn't count towards apocalypse, he lacks the vision.)

Dancing at work is a sign of a productive staff.
Molon Lube

altered

Quote from: Doktor Howl on August 25, 2019, 04:25:11 AM
Quote from: nullified on August 24, 2019, 05:47:01 AM
The main sign to me is that you have a pack of people as willing to flaunt their horrible things in public as you are. You got three people to dance out that door with you and only one was Billy. That's only a good sign or the beginning of the apocalypse. (No, Trump doesn't count towards apocalypse, he lacks the vision.)

Dancing at work is a sign of a productive staff.

You know that. I know that. The employees do not know that until it's too late.
"I am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me."

There's over 100 of us in this meat-suit. You'd think it runs like a ship, but it's more like a hundred and ten angry ghosts having an old-school QuakeWorld tournament, three people desperately trying to make sure the gamers don't go hungry or soil themselves, and the Facilities manager weeping in the corner as the garbage piles high.

Junkenstien

It's also handy to find out if they'll stick around.

I've seen it declared to new starts more than once that "JUNGLE IS MASSIVE" followed by 90 seconds of intense Drum and bass. Dancing optional but far from unusual. Then resume as though nothing at all has occurred.

Those that come back for week two are then granted names.


I'm working with ex-army soldiers and a range of monsters. It's lovely.

Doktor Howl

The new guy is working out.  It occurs to me that all of the ones that DO work out have beards.  English Paul did not have a beard and looked like a skinny Winston Churchill; he was doomed to failure.
Molon Lube

P3nT4gR4m

How the fuck does anyone pull off a skinny Churchill? I say you hang onto him just on the strength of that alone. I don't mean on the payroll, I mean like a pet or a mascot.

I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

Faust

Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on August 27, 2019, 11:41:07 PM
How the fuck does anyone pull off a skinny Churchill? I say you hang onto him just on the strength of that alone. I don't mean on the payroll, I mean like a pet or a mascot.
All I can imagine of churchill without the fat is a talking hat smoking a cigar
Sleepless nights at the chateau

Junkenstein

#367
Quote from: Doktor Howl on August 27, 2019, 08:03:16 PM
The new guy is working out.  It occurs to me that all of the ones that DO work out have beards.  English Paul did not have a beard and looked like a skinny Winston Churchill; he was doomed to failure.

If he's bald, mechanical related and around 6ft, sing "journey" at him. If he joins in on the second line I may know the bastard. It's unlikely enough to be possible in the new horrible times.

ETA - if the above is true ask him about the Halloween he was dressed as Satan and got attacked by (real) nurses when he tried to haul my drunk corpse home.
Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.

Doktor Howl

Quote from: Junkenstein on August 28, 2019, 02:25:14 AM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on August 27, 2019, 08:03:16 PM
The new guy is working out.  It occurs to me that all of the ones that DO work out have beards.  English Paul did not have a beard and looked like a skinny Winston Churchill; he was doomed to failure.

If he's bald, mechanical related and around 6ft, sing "journey" at him. If he joins in on the second line I may know the bastard. It's unlikely enough to be possible in the new horrible times.

ETA - if the above is true ask him about the Halloween he was dressed as Satan and got attacked by (real) nurses when he tried to haul my drunk corpse home.

This guy is 50, thinks Trump is great and wants the NHS to be abolished.
Molon Lube

altered

I'm surprised you didn't make him sort the carbon media with chopsticks, given that description.
"I am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me."

There's over 100 of us in this meat-suit. You'd think it runs like a ship, but it's more like a hundred and ten angry ghosts having an old-school QuakeWorld tournament, three people desperately trying to make sure the gamers don't go hungry or soil themselves, and the Facilities manager weeping in the corner as the garbage piles high.

Doktor Howl

Quote from: nullified on August 28, 2019, 05:45:05 AM
I'm surprised you didn't make him sort the carbon media with chopsticks, given that description.

There is no line item for chopsticks, or I might have.
Molon Lube

chaotic neutral observer

Quote from: Doktor Howl on August 28, 2019, 02:06:51 PM
Quote from: nullified on August 28, 2019, 05:45:05 AM
I'm surprised you didn't make him sort the carbon media with chopsticks, given that description.

There is no line item for chopsticks, or I might have.
Issue him a two-by-four and a hacksaw.  He can make his own chopsticks.
Desine fata deum flecti sperare precando.

Doktor Howl

SO.  Baby Engineer hired up a mean girls squad to do layout on the new product, and they have tripled output.

Suddenly, the machines *I* am building are the bottleneck.

Boss:  "Oh, and we moved the release date 3 weeks closer."

Me:  "Oh you bastard."

Baby Engineer:  "Oh, hey, even WIZARDS can get caught up in the clockwork."

Me:  "Oh, we can totally do this."

Boss:  "That's what I wanted to hear."

Me:  "But it's gonna cost you."

Boss:  "That's NOT what I wanted to hear."

Me:  "It is what it is.  I now have 3 weeks to do 6 weeks of work.  This doesn't happen without cost."

Boss:  "What kinda cost?"

Me:  "50% overtime and a sickass pair of sound bars."

Boss:  "Sound bars?"

Me:  "Music means productivity."

Boss:  "..."

Me:  "$500 and some overtime vs a dropped ship date."

Boss:  "Where I come from, we call this 'strong-arming'."

Me:  "Where *I* come from, we call it 'extortion.'  But here we are."

Boss:  "Can you really do this in 3 weeks?"

Me:  "Oh, that's easy, but what ISN'T easy is the NEXT bottle neck, which is figuring out how to cool down aluminum at 3C/minute from 135 to ambient."

Boss:  *looks at Steve in Boss*

Steve (to me):  "I hate you."

Me:  "Clockwork, meet Steve.  Steve, meet clockwork."

Brian:  "Wait.  What just happened?"

Steve:  "Well, we HAD a three day weekend coming."

Me:  "This is all normal, Steve."
Molon Lube

Doktor Howl

Baby Engineer makes things that WORK. He just doesn't think 3 steps ahead yet, because he is young, and the young are weak.

Whereas I can survive for a week on an unwary pigeon.
Molon Lube

The Wizard Joseph

Quote from: Doktor Howl on August 28, 2019, 11:19:55 PM
Baby Engineer makes things that WORK. He just doesn't think 3 steps ahead yet, because he is young, and the young are weak.

Whereas I can survive for a week on an unwary pigeon.

:spittake:
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
- Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

"You program the controller to do the thing, only it doesn't do the thing.  It does something else entirely, or nothing at all.  It's like voting."
- Billy, Aug 21st, 2019

"It's not even chaos anymore. It's BANAL."
- Doktor Hamish Howl