News:

PD.com: Worse than that time when I conjured a handkerchief from that deaf kid's ear.

Main Menu

The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)

Started by Doktor Howl, November 15, 2017, 01:33:15 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

The Wizard Joseph

You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
- Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

"You program the controller to do the thing, only it doesn't do the thing.  It does something else entirely, or nothing at all.  It's like voting."
- Billy, Aug 21st, 2019

"It's not even chaos anymore. It's BANAL."
- Doktor Hamish Howl

Doktor Howl

Quote from: nullified on September 18, 2019, 11:09:31 PM
How can you be an IDEALIST in ARMS MANUFACTURING? Doug cannot last as he is, he will die or be transformed, Tetsuo The Iron Man style. It's just the facts.

I am an idealist. 

It's just that my ideals are bad.
Molon Lube

altered

Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 19, 2019, 01:18:32 AM
Quote from: nullified on September 18, 2019, 11:09:31 PM
How can you be an IDEALIST in ARMS MANUFACTURING? Doug cannot last as he is, he will die or be transformed, Tetsuo The Iron Man style. It's just the facts.

I am an idealist. 

It's just that my ideals are bad.

How can you be an idealist? You have an ideal vision for our future, it's true, but you don't simply assume that future will come about on its own. No, you know we must MAKE the vindaloo and then make everyone actually WANT the resultant death farts before your future can come about.

Idealists are out of touch with reality, and assume that it works the way they want it to already. Any evidence to the contrary is everyone else Being Wrong, or else Trying To Ruin It, and such evidence will never change their minds on the matter.


Really, it's basically like libertarianism. The idealist thinks things should just naturally be a certain way, cannot fathom the idea that they are wrong, and enjoys sucking the farts out of their own ass and into their nose at high speed with a diesel powered pump. All they're missing is Ayn Rand and a face like a boot print.
"I am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me."

There's over 100 of us in this meat-suit. You'd think it runs like a ship, but it's more like a hundred and ten angry ghosts having an old-school QuakeWorld tournament, three people desperately trying to make sure the gamers don't go hungry or soil themselves, and the Facilities manager weeping in the corner as the garbage piles high.

Fujikoma

I dream of world conquest... my dreams, even, are tainted. I don't have dreams or nightmares anymore, as I immediately realize I am dreaming and I control everything. I begin to thirst for bigger and better things. Anyway, story still rocks, thanks Doctor Howl.

Juana

"I dispose of obsolete meat machines.  Not because I hate them (I do) and not because they deserve it (they do), but because they are in the way and those older ones don't meet emissions codes.  They emit too much.  You don't like them and I don't like them, so spare me the hysteria."

Doktor Howl

Molon Lube

Doktor Howl

I went back to work today.  I am still sick with the fucking plague, but I had meetings I had to attend.  So I drove 15 miles in, went into my office, skyped over to the meeting room (My remote desktop was fucked because IT guy forgot to move the password change thingie to "never" and it expired on Sunday, and dumbass ALSO has the flu).

Boss:  "You there, Hamish?"

Me:  "Good morning, angels."

Boss:  "Goddammit."
Molon Lube

Doktor Howl

Things that got said at work today:

Billy (to Baby Engineer):  "The C in engineering stands for 'can do'."

Baby Engineer (to machine shop guy):  "When I say I need your help, I mean that I need your help.  I don't need you flapping your face meat at me while you're doing it."

Me (to Alfred, aka 'filthy apprentice'):  "When you move slowly, it's like the whole world is slow.  And it's Friday.  So how about you move your ass?"
Molon Lube

altered

Billy said my new favorite phrase. You've made fine monsters.
"I am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me."

There's over 100 of us in this meat-suit. You'd think it runs like a ship, but it's more like a hundred and ten angry ghosts having an old-school QuakeWorld tournament, three people desperately trying to make sure the gamers don't go hungry or soil themselves, and the Facilities manager weeping in the corner as the garbage piles high.

Doktor Howl

Quote from: nullified on October 04, 2019, 09:06:04 PM
Billy said my new favorite phrase. You've made fine monsters.

I have to admit, Billy has shaped up nicely. 

But if you tell him I said that, I'll say that you're lying.
Molon Lube

altered

Alfred, on the other hand, has a time dilation effect large enough to reach Boston. I had a three hour lunch and still the clock said I only took 45 minutes when I sat back down.
"I am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me."

There's over 100 of us in this meat-suit. You'd think it runs like a ship, but it's more like a hundred and ten angry ghosts having an old-school QuakeWorld tournament, three people desperately trying to make sure the gamers don't go hungry or soil themselves, and the Facilities manager weeping in the corner as the garbage piles high.

Doktor Howl

Boss:  "What the hell are you two listening to?"

Billy:  "Something Hamish put together."

Boss:  "It sounds like someone dying."

Me:  "No, it's just a voice recording of me coughing when I had the flu a couple of weeks back, looped in with some dubstep."

Boss:  "..."

Me:  "Sometimes you need more than UNF UNF UNF."

Billy:  "I *like* the part where it goes UNF UNF UNF."

Me:  "That's like saying you like the horse in Guernica, so you can just leave the rest of the painting out."

Boss:  "..."

Billy:  "I would.  The screaming people detract from the screaming horse."

Me:  "You're a Goddamn philistine.  See what I have to work with, Boss?  How am I supposed to get anything done with a savage like this guy working for me?"

Boss:  "Um.  *Are* things getting done?"

Me:  "We're a week ahead of schedule."

Billy:  "And 15% under budget."

Me: "You're not supposed to tell him that."

Boss:  "I am standing right here, Hamish."

Me:  "And now you are also grossly over-informed."

Boss:  "Whatever.  The people over in ballistics are bitching about the noise."

Me:  "Are THEY ahead of schedule and under budget?"

Boss:  "You know they aren't.  They are a money sump that no productive results can escape."

Me:  "Then I'd say the problem isn't our music.  It is with lazy engineers who are probably getting all weird with the ballistics gel again."

Boss:  "You're right.  I shall go scream at them."

Billy:  "Sounds like a plan."

Boss:  "Of course it does.  I thought of it."

Boss:  "Oh, and turn the music up.  I will show those fuckers 'normal'.  Lazy bastards."  *walks out*

Billy:  "I think I like this guy."

Me:  "Philistine."

Molon Lube

altered

Never mind, I take all the good things about Billy back.

No man who can enjoy a horse can be a friend of mine.

Also, :lulz: at the boss's parting words. "I'll show those fuckers normal" is extremely on brand for you.
"I am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me."

There's over 100 of us in this meat-suit. You'd think it runs like a ship, but it's more like a hundred and ten angry ghosts having an old-school QuakeWorld tournament, three people desperately trying to make sure the gamers don't go hungry or soil themselves, and the Facilities manager weeping in the corner as the garbage piles high.

LMNO

Quote from: nullified on October 07, 2019, 06:40:21 PM
No man who can enjoy a horse can be a friend of mine.

If I'm not on your Nemesis list yet, put me on there now.

altered

Quote from: LMNO on October 07, 2019, 06:43:02 PM
Quote from: nullified on October 07, 2019, 06:40:21 PM
No man who can enjoy a horse can be a friend of mine.

If I'm not on your Nemesis list yet, put me on there now.

When inevitably we meet, since I live and work in the Boston area, we shall do battle.
"I am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me."

There's over 100 of us in this meat-suit. You'd think it runs like a ship, but it's more like a hundred and ten angry ghosts having an old-school QuakeWorld tournament, three people desperately trying to make sure the gamers don't go hungry or soil themselves, and the Facilities manager weeping in the corner as the garbage piles high.