The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)

[Juana]

Did Norton not know what he was walking into? You can't work for a weapons manufacturer and be moral.

[Doktor Howl]

Did Norton not know what he was walking into? You can't work for a weapons manufacturer and be moral.

Well, yeah.  I mean, if it was world war two, working for a weapons manufacturer was a virtue.

Now we're working on ways to ensure that the victims of our policies can't even fight back.  It's even worse than it appears.  Say you get invaded by the USA, and you're not really wild about it.  So you and some like-minded individuals start talking about it.  In person, because your phone and your laptop are spies.

But there's another spy, about the size of a spider that crawled in and parked on the underside of a piece of furniture, live-streaming your conversations, imaging your face and body mass, etc.

Then one day, when they've learned all they can about your organization and you are of no further use as an intel source, a different kind of thing follows you home.  And that, as they say, is that.

There are no conditions that make this moral.

[Doktor Howl]

And you don't stop rocking.

[The Wizard Joseph]

Shit they did everything but put tits on Santa.

[Doktor Howl]

Funny thing is, Norton started out with a sense of humor about all this stuff.

Then one day, he noticed he was the only one laughing.   

[chaotic neutral observer]

Norton:  "And you guys think by alternating, you can balance the ledger out?"

Norton seems to be suffering from a misconception.

Good and evil don't cancel each other out, they're independently cumulative.  If you "accidentally" spill a cup of salt into the soup, you can't take it out again, even by adding a cup of sugar.

[Doktor Howl]

Norton:  "And you guys think by alternating, you can balance the ledger out?"

Norton seems to be suffering from a misconception.

Good and evil don't cancel each other out, they're independently cumulative.  If you "accidentally" spill a cup of salt into the soup, you can't take it out again, even by adding a cup of sugar.

I think he thought WE thought that you could do that.

[Doktor Howl]

What's funny here is that you can trace my career arc in this thread from "we need to fix shit" to "how can we help the humans off themselves?"

[Doktor Howl]

So Norton asked me, today, what exactly was wrong with me.

Nothing is wrong with me.  Something is wrong with EVERY OTHER BASTARD.  This is really simple.  We came up as a cooperative species who now cannot cooperate on anything because they've bought that ridiculous "rugged individualist" poison, as if you cannot be an individual *and* a member of society.  We went to the moon and then just stopped.  We set off nuclear devices inside of our own atmosphere.  We are good at nothing but engineering and all of our engineering is dictated by the most crass, horrible aspects of our limited monkey brains.

So I guess maybe there IS something wrong with me.  I'm a misanthrope that would make Goddamn AGENT SMITH come across as a mamby-pamby bleeding heart hippie son of a bitch. 

If humans can't act right, I guess we have to start all over again with something else...But while I know, as you know, that humans are arranging their own extinction quite handily, I prefer something that will speak to alien archaeologists.  It will specifically say "shit your pants, you bug-eyed freak".  I mean, it's not TOO much to ask that some of the work I have had a hand in might remain dormant but functional long enough for some up and coming pack of idiotically-optimistic aliens to come along.

They will say "Whatever happened to this proud and noble species of primate?  And did you hear something just now, back by the aft hatch?"

Yeah, just like in countless science fiction/horror films, where humans activate some ancient alien horror, only this will be REAL horror, because that sort of thing is what HUMANS are good at.  It's like leaving landmines in farm fields after a war ends.  We do that pretty good, too.

[Juana]

Did he get a little wild eyed?

[The Wizard Joseph]

So I guess maybe there IS something wrong with me.  I'm a misanthrope that would make Goddamn AGENT SMITH come across as a mamby-pamby bleeding heart hippie son of a bitch.

I know you're dead serious about this, but you have given me joy here.

If he tries to cite any of that in a social move against you you must of course deny any accurate recollection, you've had a case of the brain flukes after all(if it gets litigious you're LITERALLY telling the truth hete and can back it up with certified medical records if forced to allow limited release of your proprietary information, won't that be a pleasant surprise) and immediately accuse him by implication of trying to misportray your words. If asked to say what you think you may have meant from there the sky's the limit. It's the flukes that make you do it.

Remember the gluestick. This is like a magic gluestick.
I'm...
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[Doktor Howl]

Did he get a little wild eyed?

He seemed a little startled.   

[Doktor Howl]

So I guess maybe there IS something wrong with me.  I'm a misanthrope that would make Goddamn AGENT SMITH come across as a mamby-pamby bleeding heart hippie son of a bitch.

I know you're dead serious about this, but you have given me joy here.

If he tries to cite any of that in a social move against you you must of course deny any accurate recollection, you've had a case of the brain flukes after all(if it gets litigious you're LITERALLY telling the truth hete and can back it up with certified medical records if forced to allow limited release of your proprietary information, won't that be a pleasant surprise) and immediately accuse him by implication of trying to misportray your words. If asked to say what you think you may have meant from there the sky's the limit. It's the flukes that make you do it.

Remember the gluestick. This is like a magic gluestick.
I'm...
I'm almost
Afraid to tap
Post

At what point do you think my bosses would frown on that sort of insanity? 

[chaotic neutral observer]

Did he get a little wild eyed?

He seemed a little startled.   

So, is Norton not going to make it?  It sounds like he's beginning to crack under the strain.

"No live organism can continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of absolute reality."

[The Wizard Joseph]

So I guess maybe there IS something wrong with me.  I'm a misanthrope that would make Goddamn AGENT SMITH come across as a mamby-pamby bleeding heart hippie son of a bitch.

I know you're dead serious about this, but you have given me joy here.

If he tries to cite any of that in a social move against you you must of course deny any accurate recollection, you've had a case of the brain flukes after all(if it gets litigious you're LITERALLY telling the truth hete and can back it up with certified medical records if forced to allow limited release of your proprietary information, won't that be a pleasant surprise) and immediately accuse him by implication of trying to misportray your words. If asked to say what you think you may have meant from there the sky's the limit. It's the flukes that make you do it.

Remember the gluestick. This is like a magic gluestick.
I'm...
I'm almost
Afraid to tap
Post

At what point do you think my bosses would frown on that sort of insanity? 

I mean... call me a contingency kinda thinker