The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)

[Doktor Howl]

I have gained two more research monkeys, Kyle and Cassie.  Kyle is me with less horrible (he's young).  It's actually kinda creepy how much he reminds me of me.

Cassie is a hillbilly from some godforsaken state, but she's smart as hell.  Only when she walks in the room all the young guys get dumb as hell.  Thank God I'm ancient and vile and cannot be swayed by that sort of shit anymore.  Cassie has also apparently wrecked 3 cars in 5 months, so she is excused from driving me to meetings across town.

Besides, I like having Norton drive, because he flinches when I say fucked up shit, and that can make things interesting on the on-ramp.  Neither Kyle nor Cassie seem to have any sort of flinch reaction at all, and regularly say worse shit than I say.

At some point, I went from being "the crazy bastard in the North annex" to "running a lab" which frankly I never saw coming.

My bosses are all hiding at home from the plague.  I have a mob of research assistants and a shit ton of funding. 

Don't you wish you were me?

AND NORTON IS DRIVING CAR.

Well, I'm not driving.  I'm the boss.

[Doktor Howl]

Tucson just went full lockdown.

I am waiting for the nature of our work to exempt my team, but that will take a couple of days.  So vacation time.

[Doktor Howl]

Today, at work

Norton:  "So we're essential people?"

Me:  "Some of us are."

[Doktor Howl]

Also today at work:

Norton:  "So if we're the important guys, how come we're working and the non-essential people are staying at home and still getting paid?"

Me:  "Oh, somewhere in this favoured land the sun is shining bright, The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light; And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout,
But there is no joy in Mudville—Because I am the mayor of Mudville and fuck you."

[Cain]

how come we're working and the non-essential people are staying at home and still getting paid?

It sounds like Norton isn't down with capitalism.

[Doktor Howl]

how come we're working and the non-essential people are staying at home and still getting paid?

It sounds like Norton isn't down with capitalism.

Norton is entirely too down with Morrissey or some shit.

It's a fucking pandemic.  NO WHINING.

[Doktor Howl]

Apparently the phrase "sounding like a covid ward beat box" is rude or some shit.

[Cain]

Only if it's not true.

[Doktor Howl]

In the effort to improve social distancing, we have replaced handshakes with rude gestures and a hearty "FUCK YOU" from down the hall.

[The Wizard Joseph]

In the effort to improve social distancing, we have replaced handshakes with rude gestures and a hearty "FUCK YOU" from down the hall.

Now that's a healthy response to a shit situation.

[Cain]

You should insist on communicating only by semaphore.

[altered]

Semaphore and howling.

You can communicate intensity by volume, and mood by pitch. Plus you don't need to risk people walking into each other around corners if they're howling like dying animals the entire time they wander around.

If visitors aren't concerned about animal cruelty then it isn't loud enough.

[Junkenstein]

Semaphore and howling.

You can communicate intensity by volume, and mood by pitch. Plus you don't need to risk people walking into each other around corners if they're howling like dying animals the entire time they wander around.

If visitors aren't concerned about animal cruelty then it isn't loud enough.

I support this concept. Prove you are fit to work via barbaric YALP.

[Faust]

Sometimes the spam bots use keywords to find target forums: we just had one trying to peddle ISO90001, this thread has gotten us associated with tags like "engineering", "science" and "questionable ethics"

[Doktor Howl]

Sometimes the spam bots use keywords to find target forums: we just had one trying to peddle ISO90001, this thread has gotten us associated with tags like "engineering", "science" and "questionable ethics"

I'm so proud.