Author Topic: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)  (Read 147462 times)

Doktor Howl

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #990 on: June 10, 2022, 09:08:19 pm »
Today at work:

Me:  "Okay, folks, we have a new project."

Billy:  "It must be Friday."

Me:  "Obviously.  Anyway, we are to track semiconductor trade in the far East."

Tina:  "Wait.  What do we know about commodities?"

Me:  "Absolutely nothing.  But this comes from the deputy director of <agency>, so it's gospel."

Norton:  "Don't they have people for this?  Like people who do this for a living?"

Me:  "This is what we do for a living.  We are Science Pirates, and right now we're pillaging <other agency's> budget."

Tina:  "YARRRRR!"

Sideways Dave:  *GRIN*

Norton:  "..."

Billy:  "Oh, yes, I can definitely take their money."

Norton:  "I am unsure I want 'pirate' on my resume."

Tina:  "I cannot bear the notion of NOT having 'pirate' on my resume."

Me:  "Okay, each of you is being assigned a market.  What we are looking for is unexplained, short price increases in the metals outlined in the file, thus telling us that some of those metals have gone missing or been traded on a shadow market.  Let's assume I made some faux-nautical comments, and everyone get started.  The good news is the markets aren't open on the weekend, so we really start this on Monday.  Just use the rest of today to poke around the markets on the internet and figure out where to look."

Norton:  "But this will take like 2 hours a day.  What do we do with the rest of the time?"

Me:  *stares in boss*

Norton:  "Oh, right.  Another Abba binge."

Tina:  "This is the best job ever."

Me:  "We're going to commit great acts of piracy on the high bureaucracy."
Molon Lube

Doktor Howl

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #991 on: June 22, 2022, 12:36:50 am »
Today at work:

Tina:  "Billy says your title at your last place was 'wizard'."

Me:  "Billy talks too much."

Tina:  "So was your title actually 'wizard'?"

Me:  "Yes.  But I feel I should mention that my boss was under a lot of stress when he did that."

Tina:  "So yes."

Me:  "Yes."

Tina:  "So wizard me a sandwich, bish."

Me:  "..."

Tina:  "This is hungry work."
Molon Lube

Doktor Howl

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #992 on: June 23, 2022, 12:26:39 am »
The ruckus at work today:

So imagine you're a 40 something private security guard who peaked in the Navy in 2000 or so, and you don't really think about the 20+ years of hamburgers between then and now.  And there's this hot new girl up in the <agency> office, fresh out of college.
So you find an excuse to go chat her up.

She doesn't seem to be receiving the message you're sending, and asks you to leave her office.  Heh.  Playing hard to get.  Keep chatting.
But there's a couple of things you didn't know.

1.  Her boss thoughtfully installed a panic button at everyone's desk.

2.  The panic button doesn't go to your clown coworkers.  No.  It goes somewhere else entirely.

And when you look up and down the hallway, there's Hamish coming from one direction, with a US Marshal behind him.

And the other direction has Sideways Dave, dancing to music only he can hear coming the other way.  700 pounds of angry humans are coming to explain to you, in terms you will understand, the error of your ways.

Fade to black.
Molon Lube

Junkenstein

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #993 on: Yesterday at 09:21:26 pm »
If there is no siren or fireman pole involved you're really not squandering that budget hard enough.
Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.

Anna Mae Bollocks

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #994 on: Yesterday at 09:41:26 pm »
Flying dogs would be a nice addition. Not that they're necessary. It's just that in these situations, excess is FUN.

« Last Edit: Yesterday at 09:45:01 pm by Anna Mae Bollocks »
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