The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)

[Faust]

Nice, congrats man, I've heard of pounds per square inch used, why the fuck change it to foot? To make number bigger?

[altered]

Newton-meters? Newton? Meters? Dok. Dok. Wake the fuck up. SNAP OUT OF IT.

It's Joules, man. Joules!

Anyway that is the best win-win-win ever conceived of.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

I know diddly shit about foot-pounds vs. Newton Meters, but I see what you did there. 

[altered]

Nice, congrats man, I've heard of pounds per square inch used, why the fuck change it to foot? To make number bigger?

Realizing I hallucinated answering this:

PSI and foot-pounds are not the same kind of unit. PSI is a measure of pressure: how much weight you feel in pounds per unit surface area in square inches. Foot-pounds is a measure of energy: 1 foot-pound is the amount of energy required to move a mass of one pound one foot in distance.

PSI is good for tire pressure, you can't sensibly measure that in foot-pounds.

Foot-pounds are good for muzzle energy of a firearm cartridge -- PSI could be used sensibly and is used for chamber pressures, but chamber pressure doesn't tell you anything about how fast the bullet is going (a round could have enough pressure to detonate the gun it's fired through without actually moving that bullet very fast).

The respective SI equivalents are Pascals (pressure) and Joules (energy).

[Faust]

Yeah I am familiar with most metrology, PSI is a common measure of pressure, foot pounds is what, imperial? I've never seen it used before even when we have a mix of SI or Imperial

[Faust]

Makes sense as a common measure for firearms though

[Doktor Howl]

Newton-meters? Newton? Meters? Dok. Dok. Wake the fuck up. SNAP OUT OF IT.

It's Joules, man. Joules!

Anyway that is the best win-win-win ever conceived of.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Newton-metre

The unit is also used less commonly as a unit of work, or energy, in which case it is equivalent to the more common and standard SI unit of energy, the joule.

We use NMs because no matter how many times you say "joules" the neckbeards in engineering spend a half hour sniggering.

[altered]

You could always make them suffer, but I understand that there is science to be done.

(Also, I knew NM is exactly equivalent to Joule, but it's funny to overreact about.)

[Doktor Howl]

Today, at work:

Me:  "Tom, I know that I said all of that addressing would take 3 days."

Tom:  "Um"

Me:  "And here you did it in 10 hours.  AND found the vacuum leak."

Tom:  "Uh...Boss"

Me:  "So here's a positive letter for your file..."

Tom:  *waving a hand up*

Me:  *ignoring the hand* "AND you get tomorrow off with pay, AND here's a $500 bonus."

Tom:  "UM"

Me:  "Take the wife out to dinner or something.  Anyway, excellent work."

Tom:  "UHHH"

Me:  "What is it, man?"

Tom:  "My name is Mike."

Me:  *scratches name out on letter, writes "Rob" over it*  "There, all fixed."

And that, my friends, is how positive reinforcement works.

[Doktor Howl]

My employees are weak, and will not survive the Tucson summer.

They complain about such little things ("I need my insulin, waah") and they make a horrible noise when you kick them and I never had these problems with the employees I used to have.

I have been trying to lure Billy and Norton over, but they have been in Missouri for too long and all they think about is money.  Tina has of course run off to the Federal Marshal's, Sideways Dave is now in charge of the city's drinking water, and I am stuck here in Tucson as the world ends.

So I must put up with my new underlings.  Normally this is not a problem, as new underlings are usually fun.  They are usually full of enthusiasm and grossly naive ideas of how the world works.  But not this mob.  They have permanent decision paralysis, screech when you say the word "work" and spend all the time we SHOULD be making shiny new war crimes huddled around the water cooler and talking about some red-headed madman.

I have this haunting suspicion that they are talking about me.  Which is crap.  I am sweet and reasonable and all I get is abuse.

So, I am not one to complain about problems without offering solutions.  First, I suspended the first person I saw setting up camp at the water cooler today.  Then I interviewed a potential manager for these feeble little hominids, and I got lucky on the first try.

James is a tiny man, but he is a menace.  He is a ball of rage and drive, and I spent the entire interview waiting for him to start gnawing on the table or his own arm or something.  He is truly fascinating, he looks like ALL of the angry Scots in the first big battle scene in that William Wallace flick 20 some years back.  So he will manage the engineers.  It is important to note that he himself is not an engineer, and doesn't even have a degree.  He's from maintenance, as I was, and he holds a bitter loathing for engineers.

The moral of this is of course to not complain about madmen, or the madman might find a bigger madman for you to enjoy.

Anyway, James starts on Monday.  Hilarity shall ensue.

[Doktor Howl]

So today, I hired an engineer named Fatima.  She graduated last Friday, and she's a fucking genius.  She has no use for her parent's religion, nations as a whole, or your economic or political philosophy.  She just wants to make everything faster, self-reporting, and dangerous to domesticated primates.
She had me at hello.

[chaotic neutral observer]

She has no use for her parent's religion, nations as a whole, or your economic or political philosophy.  She just wants to make everything faster, self-reporting, and dangerous to domesticated primates.

The morality of the Machine God admits no notions of good or evil.  There is only the eternal striving towards optimization.  The purest of goals is to make the system faster, more powerful, more efficient, more automatic.  Who cares what the system is for, if it is perfect?

She sounds like a lovely person.

[Doktor Howl]

She has no use for her parent's religion, nations as a whole, or your economic or political philosophy.  She just wants to make everything faster, self-reporting, and dangerous to domesticated primates.

The morality of the Machine God admits no notions of good or evil.  There is only the eternal striving towards optimization.  The purest of goals is to make the system faster, more powerful, more efficient, more automatic.  Who cares what the system is for, if it is perfect?

She sounds like a lovely person.

TESTIFY!

[Doktor Howl]

All I need at work right now is a 30 ton porta-power.

[Doktor Howl]

Today I learned that the worst combination of words is "Naked-assed Tokyo Drift."

Glen is expected to make a full recovery.  Other than that, my day was great.