The *REAL* Evil in Today's Society

[Doktor Howl]

Okay, so the Good Doktor is just getting over a 6 day bout with the flu, in which I crapped my own body weight and killed the local sanitation department.  In a fit of stupidity, I decided that the best thing to do on day 6 was stop having Jenn stick me with IVs and instead dose up on Imodium.  Just in time for the shits to stop on their own, mind you, with the predictable result. 

Dok hasn't shat in 40 hours, and nothing good can come of this.  I've drank so much water that my throat is raw from chlorine, and STILL NOTHING.  It's just all LURKING there.

I mean, eventually, the spirit is gonna move me, and I can't be held responsible for the results.

Blame Janssen Pharmaceutica.  I'm the VICTIM, here.

[Cramulus]

when it finally happens it's gonna be a LEEEEEROY JENKINS moment

[POFP]

They've found that instant coffee powder has Mu-opioid receptor antagonists, which may help. I mean, the Imodium (Mu-opioid receptor agonist in the peripheral nervous system) is no longer in your system, but any natural Mu-opioid receptor agonism that might be going on will be stopped, which should speed up your bowels. Otherwise, other things which are known to speed up bowel motility usually won't work on the constipation caused by Imodium.

[Don Coyote]

Your bowels are truly the horror that keeps mirthing 

[Doktor Howl]

They've found that instant coffee powder has Mu-opioid receptor antagonists, which may help. I mean, the Imodium (Mu-opioid receptor agonist in the peripheral nervous system) is no longer in your system, but any natural Mu-opioid receptor agonism that might be going on will be stopped, which should speed up your bowels. Otherwise, other things which are known to speed up bowel motility usually won't work on the constipation caused by Imodium.

I just drank water until the residual chlorine made my throat sore.

Then at 2 AM, I had a religious moment.

[POFP]

They've found that instant coffee powder has Mu-opioid receptor antagonists, which may help. I mean, the Imodium (Mu-opioid receptor agonist in the peripheral nervous system) is no longer in your system, but any natural Mu-opioid receptor agonism that might be going on will be stopped, which should speed up your bowels. Otherwise, other things which are known to speed up bowel motility usually won't work on the constipation caused by Imodium.

I just drank water until the residual chlorine made my throat sore.

Then at 2 AM, I had a religious moment.

 

 Hey man, whatever works.

[Cramulus]

Then at 2 AM, I had a religious moment.

Dok's ass larps the Creation Myth

first there was nothing
then there was something
then there was way too much of it
and then, he rested

[Don Coyote]

They've found that instant coffee powder has Mu-opioid receptor antagonists, which may help. I mean, the Imodium (Mu-opioid receptor agonist in the peripheral nervous system) is no longer in your system, but any natural Mu-opioid receptor agonism that might be going on will be stopped, which should speed up your bowels. Otherwise, other things which are known to speed up bowel motility usually won't work on the constipation caused by Imodium.

I just drank water until the residual chlorine made my throat sore.

Then at 2 AM, I had a religious moment.

AHEM

The toilet, sewage system, and 200 senior citizens had a religious moment. You had a moment of extreme clarity.

[Doktor Howl]

Then at 2 AM, I had a religious moment.

Dok's ass larps the Creation Myth

first there was nothing
then there was something
then there was way too much of it
and then, he rested

 

[Doktor Howl]

They've found that instant coffee powder has Mu-opioid receptor antagonists, which may help. I mean, the Imodium (Mu-opioid receptor agonist in the peripheral nervous system) is no longer in your system, but any natural Mu-opioid receptor agonism that might be going on will be stopped, which should speed up your bowels. Otherwise, other things which are known to speed up bowel motility usually won't work on the constipation caused by Imodium.

I just drank water until the residual chlorine made my throat sore.

Then at 2 AM, I had a religious moment.

AHEM

The toilet, sewage system, and 200 senior citizens had a religious moment. You had a moment of extreme clarity.

Yeah, my thoughts were pretty focused.   

[Bruno]

If I'm not careful with my diet, sometimes I have to reach in and pull it out.


This isn't even a metaphor.

The first time I realized this one simple trick, I hadn't shat in at least 5 days. I had been binging on laxative for the previous two, which has only caused the enemy to grow larger, yet more pliable. when I finally laid eyes on its corpulent visage, it was one continuous unit approximately two feet in length, and two inches in girth.

I did not regain control of my bowels for a few hours afterwards. Fortunately, I had already called out sick from work. Even more fortunately, my company's policy did not require that I explain the reason for my absence.