You have your Discordia, and I have my Discordia. My Discordia is driven by the urge to see maximized human potential. I don't expect or want perfection, but I DO think we can do better than kiddie gulags, casual racism that isn't so casual anymore, and an abandoned space program. Humans were meant to do grotesque things, and we have settled for the banal. I think that has to change, and that's why I am a Discordian. This dissatisfaction with humans that are content to be humans is an irritant to most people I run into. That's okay, your approval is not my concern.
What IS my concern is that things should be BETTER FASTER SEXIER MORE OVER THE TOP. Widescreen and loud as hell.
I am a funhouse mirror. You look at me, you see yourself, only far more manic, more into it, and maybe with a beard that you haven't got. My beard is strictly there to protect YOU, the citizen, from my dangerous levels of GUAPO. You should take a moment to thank it; it is all that stands between you and DEATH BY SEXY. It's also worth mentioning that your reflection is doing the safety dance while you yourself are standing there with a briefcase and a latte, wondering how you are going to finish your insane workload before deadline.
BE THE DEADLINE. BE what John Q Public lives in dread of (finished that with a preposition, DARE ME TO DRIVE?). Be the vague, formless terror in the breakroom. Humans really can't function without that, and there just ISN'T ENOUGH TO GO AROUND without YOUR help. I am MIGHTY, but even I can't DO IT ALONE.
I am a dataist. I am a mad scientist. I am laughing maniacally while the world saves me the trouble by DESTROYING ITSELF. I'm gonna go ON RECORD, though, as saying MY apocalypse is WAY cooler than this one...You are pensively waiting to be drowned by the rising ocean; MY apocalypse has REALLY FUCKING BIG GIANT SQUID coming in with the remorsely advancing tide. Your apocalypse has financial collapse; mine has ARMIES OF RADIOACTIVE GORILLAS. Your apocalypse is the banal failure of the machine; mine is of BIG GODDAMN NEON SIGNS saying "THESE SYSTEMS ARE FAILING."
Pick your poison. Ignominious extinction, or FIGHTING NESSIES IN THE SEWERS.
Stop that shit. Put that briefcase down. EXPLAIN YOURSELF. HOW, in this day and age, are you not ON FIRE? Why are you not THROWING YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR AND HOWLING? The world is your Pripyat Amusement Park. GET ON THE FUCKING RIDE, OR KILL ME RIGHT IN THE FACE.
I mean, seriously. Just look at You People.
