Author Topic: A Rare Moment of Introspection  (Read 161 times)

Doktor Howl

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A Rare Moment of Introspection
« on: August 09, 2018, 08:07:21 pm »
What if, hypothetically-speaking, all the things I believed about myself weren't true at all?  What if all the personal reconstruction I've been working on since 2002 or so just left me dumb in a different way?  180 degrees different from the dumbasses, but 360 degrees the same?  For all I know, it is impossible to actually be a feminist if you're a guy or an "ally" if you're straight (not that I will claim or admit to being anyone's ally).  You might THINK you are, but do the women or Gays or blacks or whatnot think of you that way?  Or are you coming across as just another fetishist of their culture?

I've been thinking about this a lot in the last couple of years.  I have not yet reached a conclusion.  Or rather, I have, but then events arrange for me to discard that conclusion and start all over again.  But in the meantime, I have to know how to act, so that I don't accidentally turn into something I don't want to be.  And the way I act is, "follow a set of principles, even if some or many or even MOST of the people involved mean absolutely nothing at all to me."  As an interim solution, at least.  I don't like 99% of the people I meet, but I like watching people punch down even LESS than I like the person being punched.  I am essentially just a really, really disappointed Catholic, at least figuratively speaking.

For example, if I were to see a half dozen po'buckers hassling a transgender person, I'm going to step in, even if it means getting my ass kicked (only in Jackie Chan flicks do 2 people beat 6 people in a fight).  I hate the po'buckers and I hate their victim on account of all 7 people are stupid jumped-up primates on a 3rd rate planet around a mediocre star, but if you added up that hate, it would pale in comparison to my hatred of the idea of six people attacking one person for stupid fucking reasons and/or behavior that doesn't affect the po'buckers in the slightest.  And THAT hate pales next to my hate of 6 Goddamn primates suddenly deciding that they are brave because they have 6:1 odds, when alone they would be your bog-standard gutless wonder wearing a MAGA hat in the unemployment line. For similar reasons, I hate most cops.  Especially right now.

I hate cowards.  That's what it really boils down to.  There have been many times in my life that I've wanted to fuck someone up real bad, but have declined to do so because they are smaller than me or much older than me or just plain stupid drunk.  They were not worthy targets.  Not because I am a saint (I am not), nor because I'm the baddest motherfucker on the block (I am old and my bones are made out of glass), but because I have an aversion to mob psychology and the notion of looking in the mirror and seeing something small.

This has led me to do some truly stupid shit over the years and will probably get me killed some day...But we're all gonna die sooner or later, and why not go down swinging? In any case, don't mistake principle for loyalty...If I jump into a fight or even just an internet debate on your side, it's most likely not because I'm your pal.

Another thing I have been thinking about, and it's somewhat connected is "How do I know that my 'rationality' really IS rationality, and not just a different brand of dumbassery like Trumpsters and chemtrail freaks?  I mean, dumbasses don't know they're dumbasses...which is one of the things that makes them dumbasses. I know that I believe loads of things that just aren't so, but how important are all of those things?  Does my dumbassery screw up my priortities, or is it really just occasional mind garbage?

At this point, at least three people I know of are going to jump in to tell me WHAT.  Save your breath...I don't take advice from people that hate me.  I am at least that rational.  I don't have any use for criticism from people who think I am less than human.  Neither should you, so shut up.

Lastly, does this monstrous ego make my ass look big?  Because that's a thing, too.

"THUS SPAKE THE DESERT PROPHET ROGER, HIS EYES AGLAZE, HIS BALLS AFIRE, HIS HAIR RECEEDED DUE TO YOUR INABILITY TO SHUT UP"
- Junkenstien

"Locals and authorities are quick to act on suspicions that wartime arms may be lurking in their midst. Even police were convinced by one elderly German who reported finding an old bomb in his backyard, only for bomb clearance staff to conclude that the item was, in fact, a zucchini."
- Newsweek, 8/9/18

rong

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Re: A Rare Moment of Introspection
« Reply #1 on: August 09, 2018, 10:51:43 pm »
You should've been a cop
"he was a smart feller who felt smart"

Doktor Howl

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Re: A Rare Moment of Introspection
« Reply #2 on: August 09, 2018, 11:43:39 pm »
You should've been a cop

Amazingly enough...

It's the worst job in the world.
"THUS SPAKE THE DESERT PROPHET ROGER, HIS EYES AGLAZE, HIS BALLS AFIRE, HIS HAIR RECEEDED DUE TO YOUR INABILITY TO SHUT UP"
- Junkenstien

"Locals and authorities are quick to act on suspicions that wartime arms may be lurking in their midst. Even police were convinced by one elderly German who reported finding an old bomb in his backyard, only for bomb clearance staff to conclude that the item was, in fact, a zucchini."
- Newsweek, 8/9/18

Doktor Howl

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Re: A Rare Moment of Introspection
« Reply #3 on: August 10, 2018, 12:04:41 am »
Also, it's not really a 2018 PD thread until Rong comes in and spews his personality disorders all over it.
"THUS SPAKE THE DESERT PROPHET ROGER, HIS EYES AGLAZE, HIS BALLS AFIRE, HIS HAIR RECEEDED DUE TO YOUR INABILITY TO SHUT UP"
- Junkenstien

"Locals and authorities are quick to act on suspicions that wartime arms may be lurking in their midst. Even police were convinced by one elderly German who reported finding an old bomb in his backyard, only for bomb clearance staff to conclude that the item was, in fact, a zucchini."
- Newsweek, 8/9/18

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Re: A Rare Moment of Introspection
« Reply #4 on: August 10, 2018, 01:03:57 am »
i'm like that toenail fungus you thought you had cured
"he was a smart feller who felt smart"

Doktor Howl

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Re: A Rare Moment of Introspection
« Reply #5 on: August 10, 2018, 01:40:15 am »
i'm like that toenail fungus you thought you had cured

You are basically the public version of my PM inbox.
"THUS SPAKE THE DESERT PROPHET ROGER, HIS EYES AGLAZE, HIS BALLS AFIRE, HIS HAIR RECEEDED DUE TO YOUR INABILITY TO SHUT UP"
- Junkenstien

"Locals and authorities are quick to act on suspicions that wartime arms may be lurking in their midst. Even police were convinced by one elderly German who reported finding an old bomb in his backyard, only for bomb clearance staff to conclude that the item was, in fact, a zucchini."
- Newsweek, 8/9/18

LuciferX

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Re: A Rare Moment of Introspection
« Reply #6 on: August 10, 2018, 06:55:25 am »
 
Quote
Lastly, does this monstrous ego make my ass look big?  Because that's a thing, too.

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Re: A Rare Moment of Introspection
« Reply #7 on: August 10, 2018, 06:28:57 pm »
I feel you on doubts about whether or not you're just fooling yourself in a different fashion and that perhaps, just maybe, there's no real difference between yourself and the other dumbasses. I've had only one real epiphany about it.

Thusly
Quote
   
But in the meantime, I have to know how to act, so that I don't accidentally turn into something I don't want to be.  And the way I act is, "follow a set of principles, even if some or many or even MOST of the people involved mean absolutely nothing at all to me." 

It hit me watching Full Metal Jacket. The part where the one fella is like "Sir, I have realized that whatever my response is it will be wrong, and so I have decided to stick to my guns, sir!" Or words to that effect. The dude gets promoted. That's what struck me. That instructor had only one job, to teach those men how to die trying! I therefore have news for you that may save you undue rumination.

Doktor Howl you are wrong. Whatever your beliefs, they are also wrong. This applies to every single human on earth and you are one of us.


There's real freedom in this epiphany if you're strong and wise enough. You can laugh off almost anything. You can be wrong in whatever fashion you prefer. Nothing is True, so do as you see fit. The old Illuminated dogma may be a paradox but it is not incorrect. Paradoxes are part of reality. "I know only that I know nothing" was the most correct paradox Socrates, or anyone, ever uttered, but nobody likes it. Nobody realizes what that really means. It means Science is wrong and trying to correct what it can not by means of logic and reduction. All art is a fucking beautiful lie trying to cover up wrongness(often successfully). All faiths are vanity and a chasing after the wind. Even Nihilism and similar worldviews are straight up dead ends that may lead to a wasted life.

So what to do? Whatever seems best to you. Exactly what the fools do, but instead of a hollow smirk you have a knowing GRIN. You can be wrong HARDER, FASTER, BETTER than they ever will. Taking on 6 to 2 odds for example is stupid even for a trained fighter, but you'd DO IT anyway on PRINCIPAL. That's what the fools will not have, principals. Not real ones anyway. Yours can be MORE solid for your realization that you are wrong and have chosen to "stick to your guns." Principals are a weapon. The hardest of two otherwise equal weapons tends to prevail.

So yes you are wrong about yourself.
Yes, you are one of the dumbasses.(welcome to the club)
Yes you may come across as a tourist to various subcultures no matter what your intent.
Your "rationality" may well be as wrong as chemtrails, anti-vaxxers, Libertarians, or whatever. (I don't think this of you but it's quite possible)

That you are wrong is unimportant in itself, but realizing it poses a paradox all its own. If a dumbass realizes they are a dumbass are they still a dumbass?

I know only that I am a dumbass. Knowing that, I act anyway but with that tiny scrap of wisdom. This dumbass hopes that this was helpful to you in some way. Either way I said my piece on something I have thought about much of my life.


You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

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