Hello, I'm, that guy you see in the picture, not really of course, but it would be cool if people thought that, whatever, anyway, let's address the subject of the post.
The last time I was posting here, I was younger, I'm now about 40, which isn't old, but sometimes I can be somewhat immature, when you pull up the carpet and inspect the floorboards, naturally it turns out to be a bit more of a problem than first appearances would suggest. I'm still immature, only a few things have changed, if you're reading this you possibly expect this thread to deliver, something. Hopefully it does, no gaurentees, however.
Since that time, I had periods where I would rarely see another human being, I also had downtime, and no TV, so I had to do something, and I only had one book, The Blue Cliff Record, which I was reading during the time period I posted here. I may've picked something up from it, I may've not, I ended up tossing it though because seriously, that's a pretty large, ancient troll. Still, I struggled to understand, I continued to work hard, because either you work hard, or you starve to death, this is kind of the way of things, no sense in debating the nuances.
I quit my old job, found a new one, kept it about three months, then got fired for being "slow", I was kinda ticked about that, but I looked it up and apparently Georgia is a "right to hire" state which means they can fire you because one time you reminded one person of one of the gremlins in that old film because your haircut was unsnazzy enough, report it to the boss, and the boss has the say, indisputable, don't really blame them though, I did know I had some brain defects but it was kind of alarming to hear someone be so blunt about it.
This does not come without consequences for me, finding a new job when your skills aren't all that great, and writing a resume when you can't even figure out how resumes even work, is difficult. I suppose people like to find some way to take pride in their mental "differences", and I applaud them for trying to find a sense of self-worth somewhere, for me, er, I was finding, a whole lot of nothing. I still tried to make it work, tried to make the puzzle pieces fit together in futility, alas, as is predictable, that's not how it works.
I ended up, without a place to live, food to eat, or a dime in my pocket, in the Atlanta area. Not so glorious a fate for our protagonist here. Unsure what to do, I ended up meandering down backroads with a bag of the only possessions I had, clothes. I was stopped sometimes by beggars, when I explained why I simply had no money to give them, they pointed out the route I needed to go, which I tried to retain, but I couldn't, so got lost again. I spent, a solid 12 hours lugging a sack of clothes around in the middle of the night, until I found myself in downtown Atlanta.
I went to Atlanta Union Mission, it was dawn, I was dead tired, and they told me to come back at four. I was like, wait, every part of me is dead sore, and you want me to wait until the afternoon? Well, ok, your place, your rules. So I went on, some crackheads tried to hustle me, found out I had nothing to hussle, decided we should chill, pretty cool dudes, all things considered, grifters, by their tales, they tried to get me to partake and I said, I don't judge you for liking it, but I dropped that shit ten years ago, not going back... so instead we exchanged stories, I mostly listened, the tales were fascinating, I didn't say much, but they seemed to like me and honestly care about me, and it felt good just to chill with some people who cared without question.
They directed me to possibly, the worst homeless shelter in the world, but honestly, despite all the, not-goodness, the facilities weren't that bad, the shelter at Peachtree and Pine, which officials had been trying to shut down for like a decade. I met a lot of people, one of the guys I'd originally met had also decided to shadow me like a ninja, then turn up and say, "Hey, the fuck you thinking walking around in the open out here, white boy? This is a rough neighborhood, there's people that will hurt you. C'mon, I'll lead you back."
Well, that lasted a few weeks, I had mysterious crack ninjas watching my back, and I made easy friends inside the shelter, despite not being as dark complected, good folks, I really, really hope all of them have had good experiences, but given the circumstances, and the nature of how the system works, I have to admit to myself the grim truth. I went to a Christian non-profit trying to find out what kind of benefits I might be eligable for, got assigned to one hot, smart caseworker, she was a straight-up knockout, so it was sometimes difficult to even stay awake in the presence of her voice... anyway, I'm, mentally ill, there's, nothing glorious about that, the silver lining is so thin it may as well be nonexistant.
I will continue after I catch my breath.
