Open Bar: Drinks are on the Supreme Court

[Fujikoma]

Wait, can I grow a second dick for transplant out of my arm?

[Doktor Howl]

It’s a really fucking strange feeling to be able to plan ahead a week. It’s been years of having to make decisions on the basis of immediate needs and not being able to think about tomorrow, let alone next week.

Finally, I have the capability of budgeting, not as a personal ability thing (I’ve always had that) but as a “there is money I don’t need right this second to not die or go mad” thing. I can actually exercise this capability I have of planning ahead and making decisions.

Even accounting for bad decisions (some quite intentional), I’ve got 270 dollars in a “savings account” (since all my banking is through PayPal, this is actually just an Acorns investment account and I use it simply because it integrates nicely to PayPal and the money is explicitly not immediately available to me: it takes time and effort to access it) and I’ve built up a sizeable chunk that hasn’t migrated that direction quite yet out of sheer nervousness about maybe needing it.

It’s weird.

Edit:

Having taken several Tucson calls here now, I can confirm for those outside the gravity well that Tucson is indeed just Like That.

Highlights:
“I’m sorry; normally we’d continue to troubleshoot for a temporary fix but your system is possessed by demons.”
“I’m not sure whether to ask you to call the installers again or to pray to your deity of choice: both seem appropriate. Can I offer you two free months?”
“We have an IP address, we have a connection, but your SIM card is suspended and will not reactivate. It’s probably a visual thing, but if your system magically stops working please call us so we can replace it.”

PROPER calls from Tucson should just involve static, the screams of tortured souls, and Monty Haul saying he has your family.

[altered]

In perfect seriousness: we actually get those. They never have an account in our system, and when we call back we either get a “This number is not in service” or an unrelated company who say they have never heard of us but if someone called us they’ll find out who and tell them to call us back.

The exact sounds vary: one time I got the sound of a power drill being revved on a loop, with distant incoherent yelling, and twice I’ve gotten what sounds like a car crash on loop (revving engine, brake screech, loud crash, repeat).

We’ve heard weird mumbling and crackling flames, the things they all have in common are no account, no one on the other end to respond to us, a looping sound of some sort (usually horror movie shit) and inability to get a customer on the line when we call back.

[Doktor Howl]

In perfect seriousness: we actually get those. They never have an account in our system, and when we call back we either get a “This number is not in service” or an unrelated company who say they have never heard of us but if someone called us they’ll find out who and tell them to call us back.

The exact sounds vary: one time I got the sound of a power drill being revved on a loop, with distant incoherent yelling, and twice I’ve gotten what sounds like a car crash on loop (revving engine, brake screech, loud crash, repeat).

We’ve heard weird mumbling and crackling flames, the things they all have in common are no account, no one on the other end to respond to us, a looping sound of some sort (usually horror movie shit) and inability to get a customer on the line when we call back.

Those calls are in reality all from the 85705 and 85703 zip codes.  They're trying to tell you important things, but there's a Schwarzschild radius in the way so it comes out more "Classic Tucson."

[chaotic neutral observer]

I sometimes walk along the riverbank during my lunchbreak.  With the object of increasing my range, I decided to eat while walking today.  Chewing while walking on rough terrain being a bad idea, I naturally bit my lip hard enough to draw blood.

On the way back, I took a less-traveled path through the brush a bit above the shoreline.  Head held high, admiring the autumn colours, oblivious to the ground beneath me, I stepped in quite a deep hole, and fell, almost rolling down the riverbank in the process.  Once I managed to drag myself back onto the path, I found I had a cut on one finger, and a bump on my right shin that will turn purple by morning.

I'm not sure what the origin of the hole was; it was too large and vertical for any critter I know of, so I think it was some sort of river-erosion induced sinkhole.


TL;DR:  I took the road less traveled by, and almost fell off.

[altered]

We had “everyone gets rib injuries” month, now it seems to be “fall through a hole by a river” month. Glad you’re mostly okay.

[Juana]

Yeah, I need to publish it in a local paper, but I don’t care too much about that. And I can choose my paper. Maybe I’ll pick the local queer newspaper. Or maybe the local old people newspaper, for kicks.

I'm a little jealous you get to pick which paper. I only really wanna change my last name (bc a) i don't think the state i was born in *has* a third option and b) i feel like that's not a good idea in the current political climate?) but my state requires us to run an announcement for 4 weeks in a row in two papers. There's a list of local papers we're required to chose from and it costs an arm and a goddamn leg to do so. Anyway, good luck my friend!

Also, I caught a cold from one of my kids last week and i am so irritated with myself. I was planning to go to the beach this weekend but waited too long to make a reservation, so we're gonna postpone it until next weekend, when it'll be even cooler. I am a delicate desert flower.

[Fujikoma]

I seriously can't believe this, I found the most beautiful woman I've ever SEEN in my life (entirely by chance), and she's smart, quirky, open-minded, low-drama, has all the problems I do so she can easily identify, and she wants to talk all day every day and doesn't get tired of me. The cynical side of me thinks this is just a sick joke to humble me further, but the stubborn part of me wants to believe this foul-mouthed Jamaican skate punk speed-cubing woman is a gift from god...

It's been weeks of constant communication. She knows I'm smitten and it doesn't bother her. She likes to tease and be lewd. I recognize that a relationship could become an impossibility if she finds a dude she really likes, but I really don't mind, she's a good person at heart and would make an excellent friend, if nothing else.

[Doktor Howl]

I seriously can't believe this, I found the most beautiful woman I've ever SEEN in my life (entirely by chance), and she's smart, quirky, open-minded, low-drama, has all the problems I do so she can easily identify, and she wants to talk all day every day and doesn't get tired of me. The cynical side of me thinks this is just a sick joke to humble me further, but the stubborn part of me wants to believe this foul-mouthed Jamaican skate punk speed-cubing woman is a gift from god...

It's been weeks of constant communication. She knows I'm smitten and it doesn't bother her. She likes to tease and be lewd. I recognize that a relationship could become an impossibility if she finds a dude she really likes, but I really don't mind, she's a good person at heart and would make an excellent friend, if nothing else.

Jesus H Christ, have you asked her out?

[Fujikoma]

Um, sort of? It's at that "We'll see, maybe someday" sort of point... plus she lives several hundred miles away, so physically it's impossible. She's seen pictures of my goofy ass and we primarily use voice chat because she has difficulty with written text, which is a bit of an adjustment for me, as I'm the opposite in some ways, so our skills compliment eachother. Also are you picking on me? I'm really bad at recognizing sarcasm, if so it's funny, if not, sorry for asking.

EDIT: I get to help her with her college homework by reading the questions aloud and providing moral support. She could do it herself typicallly but this one professor she has words things really confusingly and throws in a bunch of irrelevant information, which is difficult to keep track of because there's so many reversals and "Which one of these is NOT" questions. Considering my friend was accepted into the program on a provisional basis, she has to make at least a "B" or she's SOL. This is all rather intimidating. It's hard for me to provide much assistance with "business ethics".

[The Wizard Joseph]

So... After the dust settled it looks like I'll be working in mundane electronics instead of weapons manufacture. I got an offer that was too good to pass up from a company that I used to work for doing automated Optical inspection and in line repair work. I'll still be working on cool high-end stuff like aircraft equipment, but I must admit I was quite curious about how Servo Motors are built. Tomorrow morning I'm going to write the email to inform the weapons manufacturer that the electronics firm won out.


It's for the best in the long run. I'll be working with people that I know and love, doing something that I'm good at and enjoy doing, and the commute will be more like 10 minutes instead of 45 one way. The pay is pretty much equivalent.

At least my long search for a good job is over and I can get back to the actions of living. I'm trying to build an independent life for myself again after several very hard years. With the acquisition of this job I feel like a new chapter is beginning in my life story. I'm actually excited to see how my life will play out from here. Not used to looking forward to life but it's a good feeling.

[Doktor Howl]

Um, sort of?

Either you did or you didn't.

[Fujikoma]

Ok, so for all practical purposes I did. The answer gave no rejection or confirmation.

[altered]

So... After the dust settled it looks like I'll be working in mundane electronics instead of weapons manufacture. I got an offer that was too good to pass up from a company that I used to work for doing automated Optical inspection and in line repair work. I'll still be working on cool high-end stuff like aircraft equipment, but I must admit I was quite curious about how Servo Motors are built. Tomorrow morning I'm going to write the email to inform the weapons manufacturer that the electronics firm won out.


It's for the best in the long run. I'll be working with people that I know and love, doing something that I'm good at and enjoy doing, and the commute will be more like 10 minutes instead of 45 one way. The pay is pretty much equivalent.

At least my long search for a good job is over and I can get back to the actions of living. I'm trying to build an independent life for myself again after several very hard years. With the acquisition of this job I feel like a new chapter is beginning in my life story. I'm actually excited to see how my life will play out from here. Not used to looking forward to life but it's a good feeling.

That last paragraph is where I have been lately. It’s weird and surreal and great. It feels like the good dissociation (“literally this has to be fake, someone’s got cameras but fuck it let’s enjoy this”) about two thirds of the time, and standard good day the other third. Congratulations dude.

[Fujikoma]

Also I copy/pasted what I said and she thought it was cute.