News:

Endorsement from MysticWicks: "The most fatuous, manipulative, and venomous people to be found here are all of the discordian genre."

Main Menu

The aliens haven't contacted us because

Started by Trivial, February 05, 2019, 02:23:44 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

The aliens haven't contacted us because:

We're made of meat
They have, they just talked to Roger first.
Have you met us?
We're the most advanced thing in the galaxy.
Space is like, really big.
Time is like, really long.
SHUT UP
There aren't any.

Doktor Howl

Quote from: nullified on February 06, 2019, 09:55:25 PM
I tried to write a response but I can't manage it without talking about my own life choices in these areas (be good even if you don't believe you need to) vs the apparent truth in these cases (they might believe their own shit but they don't act upon it). Which just makes me sound holier than thou when I'm a foul little gremlin like everyone else.

So I'll leave it at the above for now, and mention that I wish there were an easy and snappy way to say "I'm doing better things than these people seem to have done but that doesn't mean I'm inherently any better than them."

Nobody thinks they're the bad guy1.  Humans don't set out to be scum, they are simply scum because they are incapable of not doing scummy things.  I mean, what benefit is gained by putting shoe polish on your fucking face?  None.  And they do it anyfuckingway, then they run off to a life of PUBLIC SCRUTINY.  Because humans.  Humans are defective factory second bullshit for which you will get neither a refund nor an exchange.




1  Except me, obviously.
Molon Lube

Doktor Howl

Molon Lube

chaotic neutral observer

Travelling even to the nearer stars requires a huge amount of energy and time.  We have enough trouble getting to the moon, and that's practically walking distance.  This isn't just a problem of technology; it's a problem of basic physics.  Getting into and out of gravity wells is expensive.  Speeding up enough to get anywhere in less than a thousand years is expensive.  Carrying the fuel with you to do these things is super-expensive.

Since intelligent life isn't likely to be very common in the universe (there isn't any in our solar system, at least), I would guess that most technologically developed alien species are pretty far away.  If they're capable of visiting us, they either have knowledge of physics that vastly exceeds our own, or they are so resource- and energy-rich that crossing a few hundred light years isn't a big deal.  Either way, we'd be massively outclassed.

Us wondering why the aliens haven't contacted us is like a small ant colony wondering why the humans haven't contacted them.  We're either beneath their notice, or a minor nuisance to be exterminated.
Desine fata deum flecti sperare precando.

LMNO

Quote from: Doktor Howl on February 06, 2019, 09:45:23 PM
I can answer that.

Virginia, in the news:

Governor Northam (D):  Pic in blackface.  Unclear if it was him or he was somehow involved with it.  Pic came to light after Northam defended a woman's right to choose.
Lieutenant Governor Fairfax (D):   Weird sexual abuse allegations, not backed up, AG Herring says he has to go (on accusations alone). THEN:
Attorney General Herring (D):  Immediately outed for himself wearing blackface.  Fuck's sake, he's only 6 years older than me and NOBODY in the 80s thought that was okay.
Speaker Cox (R):  Smiling like the cat that ate the canary.  Only there are now rumblings about HIM.
There is no 5th in line for governor.  At that point, the republican state congress selects the new governor.

Not sure if you know, but it gets weirder.  The only reason Cox is the speaker is because the GOP-let legislature voted for him.

The only reason the legislature is GOP-led is because of the midterms, with a very tight single race putting them in the majority.

How tight was the race?  It was declared a tie, and the winner was chosen by... flipping a coin1.

So if the Virginia Shame Cascade happens, the only reason the new Govenor will be Republican is purely due to random chance.





1Technically, it was "drawing lots", but since it's a 50/50 outcome, a coinflip has a better ring to it.

LMNO

Quote from: Doktor Howl on February 06, 2019, 09:59:28 PM
I mean, what benefit is gained by putting shoe polish on your fucking face?  None.  And they do it anyfuckingway, then they run off to a life of PUBLIC SCRUTINY.  Because humans.

You know who forms a large majority of people who never thought that blackface and sexual assault are acceptable?



Women of color.



New rule: any politician removed from office for being a terrible person is to be replaced by a minority woman.

LMNO


Doktor Howl

Quote from: LMNO on February 07, 2019, 02:13:28 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on February 06, 2019, 09:59:28 PM
I mean, what benefit is gained by putting shoe polish on your fucking face?  None.  And they do it anyfuckingway, then they run off to a life of PUBLIC SCRUTINY.  Because humans.

You know who forms a large majority of people who never thought that blackface and sexual assault are acceptable?



Women of color.



New rule: any politician removed from office for being a terrible person is to be replaced by a minority woman.

Everyone is evil.  They will have different bad habits, but they are *all* evil.  A minority woman is still a human.  Still dumb & evil.
Molon Lube

LMNO

One order of HorriblenessTM at a time, my good man.

Brother Mythos

Actually, aliens had been here for quite some time, studying homo sapiens with the intent of eventually making formal contact.

But, after the last US presidential election, the leader of the group thought the better of it, called up to their starship, and said the alien equivalent of, "Beam me up, Scotty. There's no intelligent life down here."
Discordianism is fundamentally mischievous irreverence.

Trivial

Sexy Octopus of the Next Noosphere Horde

There are more nipples in the world than people.

Doktor Howl

Quote from: LMNO on February 07, 2019, 06:50:07 PM
One order of HorriblenessTM at a time, my good man.

When you have a bucket of pus, do you differentiate between the various globs in the bucket?  No, you put a lid over the bucket and leave it at the drop off at Goodwill1.  Then you get an empty bucket and start collecting more pus.  Because, God knows, humans have plenty of that.



1 We all do it.  Don't deny it.
Molon Lube

chaotic neutral observer

Quote from: Doktor Howl on February 17, 2019, 08:31:51 AM
Quote from: LMNO on February 07, 2019, 06:50:07 PM
One order of HorriblenessTM at a time, my good man.

When you have a bucket of pus, do you differentiate between the various globs in the bucket?  No, you put a lid over the bucket and leave it at the drop off at Goodwill1.  Then you get an empty bucket and start collecting more pus.  Because, God knows, humans have plenty of that.



1 We all do it.  Don't deny it.

I would never give away a perfectly good bucket.  Pour that glop in a plastic bag, and freeze it.  Then give that away, before it thaws out.
Desine fata deum flecti sperare precando.

Brother Mythos

Discordianism is fundamentally mischievous irreverence.

Bruno

Quote from: Trivial on February 17, 2019, 02:50:54 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7tScAyNaRdQ They're made of meat.

O man. I remember reading the original back in 1992. Someone printed it out and put it out on the tables at Chattacon. Wikipedia says it was originally published in Omni Magazine back in 1991.

Glad to see it is still around and growing legs.
Formerly something else...

Brother Mythos

Quote from: Emo Howard on February 18, 2019, 10:03:22 AM
Quote from: Trivial on February 17, 2019, 02:50:54 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7tScAyNaRdQ They're made of meat.

O man. I remember reading the original back in 1992. Someone printed it out and put it out on the tables at Chattacon. Wikipedia says it was originally published in Omni Magazine back in 1991.

Glad to see it is still around and growing legs.

Here's a link to the original story: http://www.terrybisson.com/page6/page6.html

I had never heard of this story, and did not know that the poll choice "We're made out of meat" had a history.

But then, that's why I come to this forum in my continued search for enlightenment.
Discordianism is fundamentally mischievous irreverence.