Things I expect on a date.

[Fujikoma]

I'd ask who wants to help me destroy the world but it's too fucking late at night, so we can't.

[Fujikoma]

So I'm talking to this woman I like, and she says, "This, is really bad, are we the same person?" and my mind literally implodes, after a reboot, I decide it's fine.

[Fujikoma]

I must add that this woman would make most of you look like idiots... I was flattered.

[Faust]

Did you know horses sweat foam?

Wait a minute, I'm not supposed to sweat foam?

[altered]

Only if you aren't a horse.

I do believe you are the slothful overlord of deceit, a non-horse being, so no, you shouldn't sweat foam.

[The Johnny]

I really dont have high expectations on a date, I just want her to be and act organically true, without fake plastics or artificial "flavorings".

I just expect her to be small, sweet, a bit plump in the right areas and with a brownish skin tone - and for her to maybe allow me to lick or chew on her parts eventually..
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[The Johnny]

And while i expect my dates to be clean and hygienic, and i wouldnt expect to find one of these, it would actually be a welcome surprise, for supposedly theyre a delicacy in asia.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Just came here to say I hate the OP and demon horses were a huge improvement.

[Con-troll]

Things I expect on a date:

-DYING, because obviously my lack of mind reading abilities and gulliblity has led to me to have a date with a covert serial killer.

-KILLING, because obviously a date is the moment when my dormant psychopath unexpectedly gets loose and does something terrible to the person I'm intrested in.

-HOT SEX, because obviously despite of all my paranoia and weird ticks, things will go just like in movies.

I'm a modest guy, all I'm asking is to not to be carrying all this stupid cultural baggage for nothing.

[Fujikoma]

Demon horses WERE a huge improvement, but I'm more curious to see where people take this shit-posting exercise.

[altered]

Take it to the morgue.

[Doktor Howl]

Things I expect on a date. 

First date, I'm paying.  I expect my date to treat the waitstaff like human beings, much as I will.  I expect that first date will be a round of validation-seeking.  It's how first dates work.  Then I expect that we'll find some mutually-agreeable past time for afterwards.  A show, perhaps.  At some point, we will drive away.  Might want a kiss, won't expect one.  Ask if I can see her again.  If the answer is yes, then go to:

After Action Review:  Did I talk too much.  What were her facial expressions, etc?  These cues are good to know if you plan to ask her again.

Second date:  If at all possible, she's driving and picking the venues.  This is really important  for any possible future relationship.  Do what she wants to do.  Hold your horses, old son, you are probably not getting laid tonight, either,so just mash lips for a while.

After Action Review:  Didn't say anything to cringe about.  If there was, can it be corrected?

Third date:  Less activities, and activities that give you some alone time together  Kiss the person occasionally, if you can do so without being creep.  Try to take her to her place or your place.  Cautiously.   If it does not work, repeat the date 3 criteria until either she's into you or you determine that she isn't.  If she isn't, politely part ways, or just become her friend.

Okay, so you finally got you some.  What's next?  If you're a scumbag, ghost now.  If, on the other hand, you like this person and this person likes you, then go back to third date and park there for a while (as a dating zone, I mean).  Have a good time, have good sex, etc.

Then casually suggest that you'd really like to move her in.  Or him in.  Whatever.

NOW, THIS IS THE CRITICAL PART:  Once you're co-habitating, you must continue alternating second and third dates. until one of you foolishky falls in love.  And says so.  At this point, you have to make a huge decision:  You can say "I love you", or you can face the first of an infinite series of arguments that will never end until she/you is the subject of LEGENDS in your social circle.  If you do the "I love you" bit, GO WITH IT. ALL IN.

This is where people fuck up.  They are AFRAID of all-in, and they temporize and waffle.  This insults your SO over like nothing else.  It says that she does not meet the standard.  Her ego will balloon out of control (just as ours would.) and it is OVER, my lad.

More on this tomorrow, when my head isn't full of bad drugs.

[LMNO]

This thread took a turn, and I'm here for it.

[Doktor Howl]

The difference between dating and a relationship is that you don't know enough about someone you're dating.  You can't know enough until you have shared a bathroom for a few days.

And dating is basically a mutual audition for a relationship.

As such, a reasonable set of things to expect on a date involve both 1) things the person reveals to you and 2) things the person tries to hide, which is really just another category of 1.

Things the person reveals to you are:
1.  How they behave towards "the help" (wait staff, ticket booth personnel, etc)
2.  What their nonverbal cues are.
3.  What kind of conversationalist they are.
4.  What they think makes them attractive (how they dressed, etc)
5.  What makes them laugh.

Things the person tries to hide from you:
1.  What they think of themselves.
2.  Their nerdier interests.
3.  What ALSO makes them laugh.

Going back to Fuji's OP, what is Fuji revealing and trying to hide, based on the stated expectations?  Even sarcastically?

Because it's pretty damn horrific.

[Fujikoma]

Damn Howl, that's what I'm talking about.

I did once accidently say "I love you." and was quickly told to stfu newb.

EDIT: ... I'd be mad about you drawing attention to it but I only saw your edit a second later... then I realized, these fuckers can make up their own minds.