Author Topic: The Future Is Bad For You  (Read 643 times)

Q. G. Pennyworth

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The Future Is Bad For You
« on: April 11, 2019, 06:11:46 pm »
The Future is Bad For You

I have some bad news for you folks. The Future isn't coming, it's already here.

And you're not halfway ready for it.

The Future has all the Wrong Values, and doesn't regret anything. The Future thinks "profit" and "nationality" make about as much sense as hats with buckles on. The Future doesn't have any fucking time for your business model, because it already chewed up and spat out five other companies like you last week and it's SO BORED with that now.

The Future doesn't need flying cars, because it has phone watches and 3D printers and never needs to be alone or ignorant again unless it chooses to be. The Future already has an improvement on the improvement to your greatest achievements, and it was released last week open source.

The Future is a hypocrite, and it's going to make sure that you know you're one, too. The Future is full of Causes and the ones that resonate with Freedom and Civil Rights and Equality will survive and the ones that come from dusty old books will die with the last generation that knows what a dial-up modem sounded like. The Future is going to come down on you like a ton of bricks.

But maybe it's not all bad.

If you can listen to The Future, it will sing you a song of things to come. Of art and culture and plenty. Ideas bouncing off one another, interacting, giving birth to strange new abominations and games that look like reality and a reality that's made of nothing but games. The Future wants to have fun, and it has the means to make it happen. The Future writes itself.

If you learn to swim with The Future, you will see yourself changing. Old identities -- and even the concept of identity -- are sloughed off and replaced with costumes that are easily worn and removed as appropriate (or amusing). Core convictions that once filled whole mountainsides in engraved text now fit inside a locket, and are worn close to the heart. The Future doesn't believe in money, and you'd be amazed how much that will save you.

So, consider us your ambassadors from The Future, the terrible world that's right outside your door. Coffee and sandwiches are on the wall to your left.

It's going to be a very long week.

Doktor Howl

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Re: The Future Is Bad For You
« Reply #1 on: April 11, 2019, 08:52:59 pm »
 :eek: :mittens: :eek:
I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, shattered underpance lies,
With blown elastic, and exploded back,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Doktor Howl, Spag of Spags:
Look on my ass, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

Fujikoma

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Al Qədic

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Re: The Future Is Bad For You
« Reply #3 on: April 12, 2019, 01:05:10 am »
If you can listen to The Future, it will sing you a song of things to come.
Does it sound anything like this? https://youtu.be/fncfIrjjMgo



But on a serious note. :mittens:
O, the Frog fell down to Tehran.
To fix the broken hourglass in the sun.
From the gates, to the city, to the market so pretty,
They'd not leave until they were done.

Said the Goddess to the Frog,
"You'd best be moving along."
So sayeth the water, the words of Anahita,
But the Frog just made themselves a bog.

And lo, they said:

"May I have your shoes, miss?
O great Water Goddess,
I've a journey that I need to start."
She responded from her knowing, wise heart.

With this, said the Goddess,
"Go now, take these shoes with."
And covered their webbed feet with glee.
"You'll do good not to disappoint me."

Thank you for completing the free trial. To view the rest of this poem, nag me about it...I might not respond by giving you the rest of it, but when has that ever stopped you?

The Wizard Joseph

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Re: The Future Is Bad For You
« Reply #4 on: April 12, 2019, 02:28:48 am »
 :mittens:
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
 - Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

Fujikoma

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Re: The Future Is Bad For You
« Reply #5 on: April 12, 2019, 02:35:11 am »
This is good as hell. You should write a lovecraftian forbidden romance or something. Didn't want to comment, because didn't want to detract from the original post.

nullified

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Re: The Future Is Bad For You
« Reply #6 on: April 12, 2019, 03:48:05 am »
The mobile app sucks. This literally didnít show up until just now for me.

Awesome work as ever.

Telarus

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Re: The Future Is Bad For You
« Reply #7 on: April 14, 2019, 08:13:41 pm »
:mittens:
Telarus, KSC,
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Join the Doll Underground! Experience the Phantasmagorical Safari!

Q. G. Pennyworth

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Re: The Future Is Bad For You
« Reply #8 on: April 14, 2019, 10:11:50 pm »
The mobile app sucks. This literally didnít show up until just now for me.

Awesome work as ever.

We were talking a couple years back about setting up a consulting firm with Chris where we'd use our clout as Internet Experts to make them be less shitty to avoid getting hacked. This was the introductory spiel I wrote up for it.