Bored-dumb

[East Coast Hustle]

I'm bored.

no, not the fleeting transience of boredom that comes with being part of the instant gratification generation...not the "there's nothing good on TV and it's crappy outside" kind of bored...this goes much deeper...I'm bored with the way things are...not at this precise moment, not today, not this week...the way things are...the state in which they exist and the routines and processes by which they are carried out...the subconscious algorithms which lend nuance and meaning to our interactions and weight to the development of our interpersonal relationships have devoloved into meaningless bits of biochemical code with no more gravity or urgency than an infomercial...I don't care, because I find myself incapable of the act of caring...I need a jolt...a radical change...something to snap me out of this emotional lethargy...I find myself trying to artificially manufacture situations that will fit the bill, but it's like trying to tap yourself on the shoulder, and then spinning around and trying to pretend you don't know who just tapped you on the shoulder...doubtless, someone will try to feed me some stale, regurgitated, seattle-centric bullshit about just needing to move out of the sticks and back "home", but it's a farce...a lie I've tried to feed myself in order to give myself false hope of a tangible, immediate solution...it wouldn't be a change...it would be a cop-out, if anything...a cowardly retreat to the sociological and cultural womb which originally shat forth my fully-formed and battle-ready Id to unleash it's predations on the world...I need to see new skies...I need to find threats that spur me into action and rewards that make the action worthwhile...I need to get on it...I need to go...to paraphrase one of my alltime favorite bands, I don't have anything to lose because I don't have anything...anything I want, anyway...don't take this the wrong way...this is not a cry for help or a plea for advice...it is not an elaborate request for a hug and a smile...it's a signal...a message...a warning shot across the bow...I have found the ultimate target for my ideology of radical deconstructionism, and the target is me...I don't mean something silly like suicide, I mean the utter dissolution of the rigid and unyielding walls and filters that I have constructed around my perceptions...this is not an ending, it is a beginning...it is the beginning...and it very likely means that some of you will never see or hear of me again, through no fault of your own...those of you who have my love know who you are, and as for the one of you who I will always invite with me on whatever adventure I choose to go on, well, I'll be in touch...and if I may be so bold as to turn the tables in our lawyer-client relationship, I would strongly advise you to have your passport in order...I make no promises and give no thought to timing...I may hang around long enough for you all to forget I ever said any of this, or I may leave tomorrow, but either way it will be a swift and sudden severing of all the ties that bind me, so I choose to make my goodbyes now, at the moment of decision when my words still carry an echo of sincerity...

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence
Two roads diverged in a wood
And I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference...

[Cain]

Bye then Turd, and safe travels wherever you may go.  Do keep in touch when you can, and if your ever in my neck of the woods, you a garunteed a place to stay.

I know the feeling sometimes, I think. I get it to a lesser degree, when I think back to when I was backpacking in Peru, living each day as it came, never sure where I was going or where I was, but having a blast compared to now...  

I digress.  Keep well, whenever and wherever you decide to go.  May you find your new beggining to your liking.

(PS Im going to add you to my MSN if thats OK, in case you do "jump ship" all of a sudden).

[Horab Fibslager]

see ya in a week dude!

[East Coast Hustle]

Scribe: my MSN messenger shit the bed, but you can find me on AIM screenname OysterMeister

Horab: read it again, dude...not one of those drama-weenie "board suicide" posts....

[agent compassion]

Interesting.

[Hoshiko]

Ooooh, someone's got the wanderlust...

I'd tease you unmercilessly but I've got it too. If you do leave promise that if you're ever in NY you'll look me up.

Until I leave, that is.

[Slarti]

.not one of those drama-weenie "board suicide" posts....

those are reserved specifically for me, although all it generally takes is a post from penumbral and bella and about 10 minutes and i'm back . i think i'm over that phase though.

well anyway good luck with whatever you're doing, fare well and all that. ewige bloomenkraft !

[Sepia]

Commie!

if you = going to scandinavia
if you = feel like it
then you = log back in and hit me with a pm

now i wanna do something too....

[Bella]

Adios, Comrade.
Sounds like you're about to break through a few glass walls, yourself.

May the Goddess bless you on the way to new adventures.

[Zurtok Khan]

Wow, Your Turdliness I salute you.  Quite frankly, thats how I feel about life.  Bored.  I didn't think anything of it until I stared studying Hinduism, though.  The Hindu's say that when you are really ready to escape this cycle of birth and death, then you'll get bored with life, because you've done it too many times.  Kinda like playing Pacman for more then 10 minutes at a time.  I don't know how much I believe all of it.  But I do know, I'm ready for something emotionally spinning.  

Sometimes I think I want out.  Then I realize, that I'm the only one that can let me out.  Now if I could only find the door...

[/o\]

Not many have the balls to pull this thing off.

[LMNO]

I bet he'll split while he still owes us money.

[gnimbley]

::waves::

[DJRubberducky]

Good luck!

I've had someone swear by the "going homeless for a while" method, if that appeals to you.

[East Coast Hustle]

been there, done that, and all it ever got me was a raging case of scabies...

and before anyone else who clearly didn't read closely enough tries to wave goodbye or anything, I'M NOT LEAVING...not yet, anyway...that very well may end up being part of the process, but it's not the ultimate point...it's more of the beginning of a total and complete psycho-emotional dissolution and recoagulation into something/someone completely different...it's been an interesting 27 years being me, and now it's time to move on and be someone NEW, as opposed to just being GOAT v2.0, or some such shit...although in the end, that may be easier achieved by moving to a part of the planet where no one thinks or talks like me....