Comments regarding a paper tacked to the employee bulletin board

[chaotic neutral observer]

Someone put a notice on the employee bulletin board.  They probably intended it to be motivational.  I had thoughts.  I'm just posting them here to get them out of my head.  Don't expect to be entertained.

11 Commandments for an Enthusiastic Team

There are at least four things wrong with that title.

1.  Help each other be right, not wrong.

What the hell is that supposed to mean?  Am I supposed to alter reality around someone so their mistakes aren't mistakes any more?

Software guys say "fail faster".
Hardware guys say "I screwed up somewhere. I need another pair of eyes on this."

We know we're often wrong.  If our egos were so fragile that we couldn't handle being wrong, we wouldn't be able to survive in this job.  Fighting the laws of physics is always adversarial.

2.  Look for ways to make new ideas work, not for reasons why they won't.

Can you help me with my free energy machine?

3.  If in doubt, check it out!  Don't make negative assumptions about each other.

Engineer A:  From checking your work, I've come to suspect you are an idiot.  But I thought I'd check in person.  I don't want to make assumptions.
Engineer B:  Well, duh.  Of course I'm an idiot.  I'd have to be, to work here.
A:  Yeah, that's what I thought.
B:  You work here, too.
A:  ...shit.

4.  Help each other win and take pride in each other's victories.

When business development started talking about a certain new project, I laughed to myself, and thought "It's a good thing no potential customer is dumb enough to sign a contract for one of these.  We have nowhere near the manpower or organizational capacity needed to execute this."

I was half right.  We won the contract, and are now into our third year of sunk cost fallacy.

5.  Speak positively about each other and about your organization at every opportunity.

I'm pretty sure that kind of blatant dishonesty would be in violation of that ethics certification I signed without reading.

6.  Maintain a positive mental attitude, no matter what the circumstances.

One of my co-workers is looking at pornographic webcomics.

7.  Act with initiative and courage, as if it all depends on you.

It all does depend on me.  You're desperately short on manpower, so you moved the other logic developers off my project, and onto projects that were even more short-staffed.  At least you've stopped complaining about how I don't like to delegate.
Each time I try to show initiative I get overruled by the marketing weasel.   Now, I just make sure the shotgun he has aimed at his foot is always loaded and in good working order.

8.  Do everything with enthusiasm -- it's contagious!

The secret to enthusiasm is...enthusiasm?  Holy tautology, Batman!

9.  Whatever you want -- give it away.

At my whining prodding, the department purchased a set of new high-current bench power supplies; one of them was assigned to me.
Someone asked to borrow it for a couple weeks, and I acquiesced.  When I went to get it back over a month later, it had become a permanent fixture in a manufacturing test rig.
A few years later, a co-worker went on maternity leave, and bequeathed me a replacement unit.  If you want to borrow it, come to the disused loading dock at sunrise.  I'll be perched on the antenna tower with a crossbow.

10.  Don't lose faith -- never give up.

Fuck you.  Have you seen the faces of anyone on project D?  Or project R?  That's stress-induced depression.  You signed them up for way more work than they could handle, and they're suffering for it.  I'm okay, but that's only because I'm quite, quite mad.

11.  Have Fun!

I am.  I mean, come on.  I'm getting my brain challenged, and I get to watch everything around me burn!  I'd do this for free. 

[The Johnny]

Idk, the only thing this makes me think of, was this very short conversation I had with an old boss:

Boss: "We really need this finished like NOW."

Me: "Sure thing, so I'll prioritize it over the rest of the workload."

Boss: "But all of THAT is priority too, we need those things too NOW."

Me: "If I may say so, when everything is a priority, nothing really is a priority. So what will it be?"

You shoulda seen her face 

[Doktor Howl]

My new boss is great about that; he makes no bones about it.  "These 3 totally separate things are your top priority."

I can't bitch with a straight face, because I've done that to Billy a time or three.  The problem is, as always, being chronically short-staffed.  It's not that my company is cheap, so much as they are very ambitious and skilled help is in short supply.

[Norman]

At least I have the advantage of having three top priorities due for three different funders, so then I can apply the algebra of, "who is likely to get more mad sooner if this is done maybe just a tad late."

As administrations change, this algebra changes, but the algebra tends to work. 

[Doktor Howl]

At least I have the advantage of having three top priorities due for three different funders, so then I can apply the algebra of, "who is likely to get more mad sooner if this is done maybe just a tad late."

As administrations change, this algebra changes, but the algebra tends to work.

That must be very rough, having to choose between 3 different paths to ensuring kids' futures are more severely limited.

[Norman]

My line of work has changed quite a bit, but I won't bore you, or anyone else with the details. 

[Doktor Howl]

My line of work has changed quite a bit, but I won't bore you, or anyone else with the details.

Thanks for that.

[Norman]

Hey!  I can be a team player!

[chaotic neutral observer]

Hey!  I can be a team player!

...team player...? 


Team Player?


Oh no, not again.  Not here. Please not h


team player team player team player team player team player
        team player team player team player team player team player
team player team player team player team player team player team player team player team player team player team player
TEAM PLAYER tEaM pLaYeR
                   team player te am pla ye r tTeEaAmM playerplayer
team player team player team player team player team player team player team player team player team player team player team player team player team player team player team player team player team player team player team player team player team player team player team player team player
TEAM...PLAYER!

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sssSUMMONED, iiI aAPPEAR.
iiiiI aaaAM thththTHE wwwwWORLD ENDER.
iiiiI aaAM yyyyyourYOUR DEATH.
cccCOME BEFORE MEee sssssSWEET chchchCHILD, andandAND ttttTASTE OBLIVION.


"team player"
hee hee hee

[chaotic neutral observer]

Seriously, though, don't drop that "team player" crap in one of my threads.  It pisses me off.

[The Johnny]

My new boss is great about that; he makes no bones about it.  "These 3 totally separate things are your top priority."

I can't bitch with a straight face, because I've done that to Billy a time or three.  The problem is, as always, being chronically short-staffed.  It's not that my company is cheap, so much as they are very ambitious and skilled help is in short supply.

Yeah, maybe its because i've never been in a management position that is beyond a scope of 6 months is why I couldnt see the other side of it.

The thing in that particular case was that it was the constant updating and upkeeping of data... so if something isnt done "perfect" it generates a huge backload and revisions on other areas... like even causing an audit on the whole project, magnitude sort of thing. So idk, stretching me thin to deal with other menial stuff was shooting themselves in the foot 

She always seemed like on the verge of a heart-attack level of stress, must suck to be short-staffed too.