Author Topic: roger can't have ALL the fun  (Read 643 times)

tyrannosaurus vex

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roger can't have ALL the fun
« on: July 28, 2019, 12:11:39 pm »
I have been to the mountain top. I saw everything there was to see up there, and believe me, it's a lot. I will presently be accepting requests for miracles, spiritual wisdom, and the like. First however, I feel I should warn you:

First of all, don't ask me about God because I can't tell you anything about that.

God is not up there on the mountain (he really isn't, go look for yourself if you don't believe me, I'll wait).

Since God wasn't up there, the only thing I got for all that effort was a caffeine headache and nicotine stains so deep in my teeth my great great grandfather just died of emphysema.

Secondly, while I will happily perform ACTUAL miracles on demand, I am not to be confused with some hocus-pocus magician. Some examples of legitimate miracles are: appreciating the natural grace of a kamikaze pilot; answering any riddle where the punchline is not about "life in general" or some such drollery; or expressing within a hair's breadth the entire point of it all only to be hopelessly misquoted.

As opposed to, say, ridiculous things like ending world poverty or peace in our time. Who would want to end all that anyway? Then what would we wring our hands about?

Thirdly, concerning all of the above: Yes I am serious. Except for the part about miracles, you can go make your own goddamned miracles.
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

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Re: roger can't have ALL the fun
« Reply #1 on: July 28, 2019, 07:34:58 pm »
Spiritual wisdom, please:

Is Climate Change worse than we think, or only just about as bad as we think?

And will it affect the exchange rate of immortal souls?

See, I was kind of hoping I’d be able to trade mine in for a nice gaming PC, but I’m worried that no one will want an immortal soul if they have to stay on a dying planet to use it. If I end up being a fucking cosmic tax dodge I’m going to be pissed.
“I am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me.”

tyrannosaurus vex

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Re: roger can't have ALL the fun
« Reply #2 on: July 28, 2019, 07:42:39 pm »
Spiritual wisdom, please:

Is Climate Change worse than we think, or only just about as bad as we think?

And will it affect the exchange rate of immortal souls?

See, I was kind of hoping I’d be able to trade mine in for a nice gaming PC, but I’m worried that no one will want an immortal soul if they have to stay on a dying planet to use it. If I end up being a fucking cosmic tax dodge I’m going to be pissed.

Well climate change is exactly as bad as we think it is. That's how everything works. If it was worse than that, who would be able to tell?

As for your immortal soul, sadly the market is down. Not because of the planet dying, but just because it's gonna be hard to exchange everything that is for just one item.
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

Doktor Howl

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Re: roger can't have ALL the fun
« Reply #3 on: July 29, 2019, 06:12:13 pm »
Roger would have approved of this, before he was "taken up."
I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, shattered underpance lies,
With blown elastic, and exploded back,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Doktor Howl, Spag of Spags:
Look on my ass, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

tyrannosaurus vex

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Re: roger can't have ALL the fun
« Reply #4 on: July 29, 2019, 06:43:14 pm »
Roger would have approved of this, before he was "taken up."

You can't fool me. I know the only thing Roger was "taken up" into was your gullet. You ate him and you gained his power.
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

Doktor Howl

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Re: roger can't have ALL the fun
« Reply #5 on: July 29, 2019, 07:28:45 pm »
Roger would have approved of this, before he was "taken up."

You can't fool me. I know the only thing Roger was "taken up" into was your gullet. You ate him and you gained his power.

Look, if you're gonna go into every little technicality, we'll never get anywhere.
I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, shattered underpance lies,
With blown elastic, and exploded back,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Doktor Howl, Spag of Spags:
Look on my ass, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

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Re: roger can't have ALL the fun
« Reply #6 on: July 29, 2019, 09:24:24 pm »
Besides, I have it on good authority that Roger’s twisted, ghoulish wraith still burrows endlessly in the Arizona caliche, ears tuned to hear Fun at a distance of ten miles. So whatever happened, Howl didn’t get all of him.

Maybe some of the backhair escaped.
“I am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me.”

Brother Mythos

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Re: roger can't have ALL the fun
« Reply #7 on: August 13, 2019, 02:56:00 am »
I've been to Mountain Top, PA. Frankly, I was neither impressed, nor enlightened. Therefore, I strongly suspect you must have visited a different mountain top.

Anyway, upon learning “The Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything” is “42,” I am also neither impressed, nor enlightened.

So, from your lofty, mountain top view, what spiritual wisdom do you have to offer on the subject?

Doktor Howl

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Re: roger can't have ALL the fun
« Reply #8 on: August 13, 2019, 06:13:25 am »
Besides, I have it on good authority that Roger’s twisted, ghoulish wraith still burrows endlessly in the Arizona caliche, ears tuned to hear Fun at a distance of ten miles. So whatever happened, Howl didn’t get all of him.

Maybe some of the backhair escaped.

I never trusted the bastard.
I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, shattered underpance lies,
With blown elastic, and exploded back,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Doktor Howl, Spag of Spags:
Look on my ass, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

Junkenstein

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Re: roger can't have ALL the fun
« Reply #9 on: August 13, 2019, 06:34:59 am »
My enquiry is specifically about the mountain top. Is it worth doing a deal with shady miners and chairman maoing that thing for profit?

Geological samples can be conducted at great expense. To you.
Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.

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Re: roger can't have ALL the fun
« Reply #10 on: August 13, 2019, 09:25:50 am »
Besides, I have it on good authority that Roger’s twisted, ghoulish wraith still burrows endlessly in the Arizona caliche, ears tuned to hear Fun at a distance of ten miles. So whatever happened, Howl didn’t get all of him.

Maybe some of the backhair escaped.

I never trusted the bastard.

Who would? He had a pack of half-starved peccaries he called his Fucking Garden Gnome Light Brigade and danced to chopped up recordings of evangelical pastors on AM radio. Danced the fucking Charleston. On the backs of the peccaries. The fucking showoff.

Really, you were just doing us all a favor. If he hadn’t been stopped, a good quarter of North America would have turned into a giant sucking hole in the mid-latitude Pacific, like the world’s largest bathtub drain, and then the great white sharks would be able to return to terrorizing Montana.
“I am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me.”

tyrannosaurus vex

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Re: roger can't have ALL the fun
« Reply #11 on: August 13, 2019, 04:51:31 pm »
I've been to Mountain Top, PA. Frankly, I was neither impressed, nor enlightened. Therefore, I strongly suspect you must have visited a different mountain top.

Anyway, upon learning “The Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything” is “42,” I am also neither impressed, nor enlightened.

So, from your lofty, mountain top view, what spiritual wisdom do you have to offer on the subject?

The answer to life, the universe, and everything? Don't believe the charlatans who say it is "42". It's obviously 68, as no matter what you do you're always just one unit away from a good time.
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

tyrannosaurus vex

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Re: roger can't have ALL the fun
« Reply #12 on: August 13, 2019, 04:53:01 pm »
My enquiry is specifically about the mountain top. Is it worth doing a deal with shady miners and chairman maoing that thing for profit?

Geological samples can be conducted at great expense. To you.

Deals with shady miners are always worth the trouble, but I wouldn't go making any assumptions about profit.
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.