Author Topic: Self ____  (Read 651 times)

The Johnny

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Re: Self ____
« Reply #15 on: October 04, 2019, 01:07:56 am »

Thing is that I need to change, or at least learn to control myself, since I've been noticing this annoying habit of dumping loads of angsty shit on the people I want to be nice to. I'd much rather do that to a proper psychologist who has been trained to deal with that, but they dropped me from the queue for going to school.

...Yes I know a fucking government can do that, I was just a bit disturbed when I found out such a tech was available for common folk.

Ah yes, but I'd say that's half a social skill and half a mental health issue. I can think of two scenarios...

1) We tell our problems to our friends or loved ones because we trust them... the problem is that they're not trained to deal with it, so either they offer a straight up solution (which is not always possible) or they can merely empathize while solving nothing. It's funny that even a friend with proper training can't even help you in those situations because since you don't have a proffessional relationship with them, even if you try, you wont be able to tell them the relevant things, since shame and censorship will interfere in one way or another (i can tell from personal experience).

2) Some people unconsciously tell others their problems for sympathy or attention with no real goal of getting better... these are some of the most horrid and annoying cases, because after a certain ammount of hours of listening and trying to help, you realize theyre, even against their own knowledge and will, just putting on a show and enjoying it. Suicidal, addicted and/or masochistic people tend to do this.

So just try to be conscious as to where the conversation is drifting, if youre giving more than youre taking sort of thing... if your mental state can only "take" from a conversation partner without "giving", then maybe you shouldnt have that conversation in the first place and maybe should rather see a pro.
<<My image in some places, is of a monster of some kind who wants to pull a string and manipulate people. Nothing could be further from the truth. People are manipulated; I just want them to be manipulated more effectively.>>

-B.F. Skinner

Frontside Back

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Re: Self ____
« Reply #16 on: October 04, 2019, 01:18:32 am »
I just wrote some problems down and burned the paper. They are not gone, but now I'm aware of what Iwant to get rid of.
"I want to be the Borg but I want to do it alone."

The Johnny

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Re: Self ____
« Reply #17 on: October 04, 2019, 01:50:58 am »

Theres a lot of methods but:

*Free-association... you start with a word (doesn't matter which), you think about it and write down the first three words that come into mind... then you do the same thing for those three words... so you make a type of tree from which 9 words came, which all are interrelated and try to find meaning between them... results may vary.

*Try to interpret and find meaning in your dreams, symptoms, "mistakes/errors" and your amnesias... these are just raw data, but there's usually meaning and symbolism within them

*Keep a diary... or if youre feeling really edgy you can talk to a plushie or a mirror (please dont do this last one if you have psychotic tendencies tho)
<<My image in some places, is of a monster of some kind who wants to pull a string and manipulate people. Nothing could be further from the truth. People are manipulated; I just want them to be manipulated more effectively.>>

-B.F. Skinner

Q. G. Pennyworth

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Re: Self ____
« Reply #18 on: October 04, 2019, 02:46:23 am »
I don't care for this version of you. Make of that what you will.

chaotic neutral observer

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Re: Self ____
« Reply #19 on: October 04, 2019, 05:25:21 am »
I need to know who am I ASAP. Any tips on that?

You are the locus traced out by your experiences.
If you want to change who you are, change what you're doing.

Life is a verb.  Why are you focusing on being a noun?
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"When I say 'engineering', I have unreasonable expectations.  It must - as you know - look good in PADS AND give you plenty of help ducking and weaving in meetings.  But it must also, at some distant point in time, function.  If it does not, then you must accept that you are not in fact an engineer but instead an MBA.  Hang your head in SHAME, sinner!"

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Re: Self ____
« Reply #20 on: October 04, 2019, 06:25:33 am »
All I have to add is that if you really want to change aspects of who you are, pay attention to what youíre doing and if you catch yourself doing something you donít want, make yourself stop. Bonus points if the forcible stop is embarrassing or requires a lot of stress and explanation. Those lessons stick better.

It will not be quick, it will not be easy, you will backslide, you may lose friends. If you really want to change those parts of yourself, tough it out.

Source: literally the way Iíve been changing the bits of myself I donít like for most of my life (in fact, all of my adult life and then some).
ďI am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me

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Re: Self ____
« Reply #21 on: October 04, 2019, 06:31:12 am »
Also want to add: offering advice here is not an offer to provide more in the future. I am not a guru, Iím a walking damage case who has managed to patch up the biggest problems with nothing and no one to back me up if I fail.

Donít look at me as a winner, but as a survivor. Donít emulate me. Iím the last ditch fallback after youíve fallen through the cracks and thereís nothing left. Survival fucking sucks, aim higher.
ďI am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me

Cramulus

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Re: Self ____
« Reply #22 on: October 04, 2019, 03:01:13 pm »
I need to know who am I ASAP. Any tips on that?

Why ASAP? Is there a deadline?
growing into yourself is a lifelong process

You've described your difficulty in observing, meditating, et cetera. You lose focus too quickly.

Did you notice this sequence - getting distracted, losing focus, getting pulled down a mental tangent until that's what you're focused on? What made it happen? What did it feel like? Does it have a 'taste'? When we're self-observing, it's easy to get distracted.. but can you observe HOW you get distracted? Notice the noticing.


You've described an emptiness, a lack of substance which ideas occupy and colonize. This part is real - the human consciousness is vessel, is a site of contact. It's more of a process than a substance.

I think a good start is to observe that emptiness - feel it in your everyday life. Notice how, in conversation, you're running this program that automatically selects dialog options. Something chooses a behavior off a menu, and it always selects the one which gives you the best reward. Everything happens according to stimulus and response. Is there anything else? Look right at what's happening, for as long as you can.

I don't want to elaborate too much more on that, because from your posts I kinda assume you're not really ready to do the hard work. That's not a dig - for most people, this kind of work never develops beyond a passing experiment. Disciplined self observation is uncomfortable and unpleasant, and we are creatures of fancy.


For now - you're experimenting, trying a lot of things, and that's good, it's part of the process.


Quote
I've always identified with my intelligence, ain't that stupid?

This is another key observation.

You're not observing your self--you're just observing the mind.




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Re: Self ____
« Reply #23 on: October 12, 2019, 06:34:46 pm »
I found a decent amount of success by really looking over my attitudes and beliefs, questioning the causes, as well as the results, and dumping things as appropriate after a long, careful balancing act with risk vs. reward. What am I sacrificing by holding onto these dated beliefs that someone else decided for me? Can I afford to ever get angry? Probably not, heart disease runs in the family, also getting angry is bullshit anyway. Do I want to let someone else spoonfeed me destiny? Or do I want to eat like a king?

I found a good deal of time alone, away from almost all influences whatsoever did a lot of good for me, but I also recognize that arranging such a setup is a lot harder than it may first appear, and also some would consider it self-torture. I basically lived like the unabomber for a while, minus the explosives and plus a copious amount of bud.