Open Bar: Subpoenaed by Congress, but still refusing to testify

[The Johnny]

I generally think that getting back together is a bad idea buuuut...are both of you in healthier places? Is she somebody you can sit down and have real conversations about what sucked last time and what to do differently this time? Are you the kind of person who can entertain those needed conversations? Has she processed the trauma from domestic violence?

Yeaaaah, I for the most part think getting back with an ex is a horrible idea too...

Me personally I've "matured" a lot i think, have been 14 years in therapy (first 2 years it was constant, after that it's for sporadic 8 session periods for specific issues, or one-off sessions for supervision matters or academic discussions)... ive also gone thru all that implies a bachelors in psych and in a month ill have my full psychoanalyst credentials... and I mean im 33, havent done hard-drugs in a decade, my only real addiction is nicotine and coffee and its not like out of control levels...... on her side shes 30 now, no more drugs, has a steady and demanding job for a long time.

Yeah, weve talked about the past and agreed that we lived thru some rocky awful times, and we dont really hold grudges and how things can be better now... I asked her about the violence stuff, but she didnt feel ready to talk about it, i think shes still very much affected by it.

[Juana]

Is she in therapy for it?

[The Johnny]

First of all, as someone on the autism spectrum:

No, just staying in touch with you means nothing of that sort. I get caught in rituals very easily. When I have a problem, only two or three people come to mind when it comes to helping me solve it, depending on the problem. Some people I talk to everyday, some I talk to once a year or less. It very rarely means anything except this is how I've put my life together.

That said, be blunt without being an asshole, and accept the first answer given at face value without putting too much emotional reaction into it. Anyone I know on the autism spectrum would kill to have people just say what they're thinking and not react overjoyed (uh oh am I being manipulated) or pissed off (uh oh I forgot how to human) when we respond in kind.

Edit: Also, the above.

Well, I wrote here my interpretation of it, and i asked her about it and she confirmed it... but perhaps she felt it was what i wanted to hear? Ill keep that in mind.

And yeah, I act that way too, Ive always been a bit on the crude side of communication, but I think ive learned to be nicer/kinder about it.

[The Johnny]

Is she in therapy for it?

Nope, she's always been very mistrustful and resentful with any kind of psychotherapists after she ran into a couple of them that had an "adaptation" intervention style when she was a teenager and younger.

And tbh, I completely understand that sentiment, I had like three or so really bad experiences with therapists myself... theres so many shitlords in the field that just want to change or mold people to fit into their own notion of a worldview or ideological standards.

I mean, now I know a lot of therapists by first name terms and know their line of work, so to speak, but theres objectively so much trash practitioners... I wouldn't feel right in pushing her into that too strongly... like I know how useful it is when you find a professional one can trust in, but how to change her opinion after bad experiences... seems like a dead-end.

[Juana]

Fair enough, man.

[altered]

Well, my day went from bad to worse with astonishing swiftness.

First it's the co-signer. Then sorry we don't have three days we need to be DONE TOMORROW. No warning just drop that deadline acceleration on us. Now the contact for the broker, Quinn, got psyched out and they cancelled the whole fucking thing and it's actually literally my fault because I was the only one who had no savings and no one who could get me 2200 dollars TOMORROW.

So back to the streets on Dec 1st, fuck yeah.

[Doktor Howl]

ZZZ

I got back with an ex-girlfriend from 12 years ago... we initially broke it off back then cause we were both so retarded and low key addicts that we mistreated each other all the time (never ever physical nor psychological abuse, just chaos and unstability)... despite that she always found a way to keep in contact throughouht all these years, although i was for the most part respectfully dismissive, just going out to just literally talk or walk around once in a while without anything more.

But recently I broke it off with some long distance relationship that was going nowhere after 5 years, and I havent dated or wanted to date locally for about a year and a half (ive had my flings, just to state that im not an incel)... and I thought to myself, i must really mean something to her if shes been seeking me out for such a long time, moreso cause shes a bit deeper than me on the autism/introversion spectrum or however you want to call it... shes very pretty too, so she could easily pick out of the litter whatever she wants (im not fugly, but that's not what i would call my forte)... shes been single for like 3 and a half years, which she tells me is when her boyfriend hit her (it was the second relationship where that had happened to her).

So idk, what's you peoples input? Please

The Doktor's input:

Going back never works.  At least it works so seldom that that's how you bet.

That's not a reason to not do it, though.  Everyone gets to be a dumbass once a year or so, and if this is the way you'd prefer to be a dumbass, there are plenty of worse ways to go about it.

[altered]

What the hell are you talking about, I'm a dumbass every day of my goddamn life!

Oh, hell.

That explains so much actually.

I've used up all my dumbass days, now they're trying their damnedest to tax my regular days. Good fucking luck, you bastards, I'll be a dumbass until the day you have to figure out how my skull fit through a two inch pipe but my left leg didn't. (Answer: the pressure had finally equalized by the time my right leg made it through. Also, I really should have flushed sooner.)

[Doktor Howl]

What the hell are you talking about, I'm a dumbass every day of my goddamn life!

Oh, hell.

That explains so much actually.

I've used up all my dumbass days, now they're trying their damnedest to tax my regular days. Good fucking luck, you bastards, I'll be a dumbass until the day you have to figure out how my skull fit through a two inch pipe but my left leg didn't. (Answer: the pressure had finally equalized by the time my right leg made it through. Also, I really should have flushed sooner.)

I gotta say, I like this attitude. 

[Fujikoma]

Nullified, you are brilliant and creative. I know that may not help with this in particular, I've been homeless and confused as well. Sounds like too many requirements and too much rope-a-dope soap-on-a-rope punk-ass-choke for me, I toured couches for much of my life, leases rarely came up. Notifying the office? Please, nobody cares about that quiet weirdo that sleeps on your couch, and if they did I would've had something for them, thankfully I've grown since then. That's like contacting the home owner's assosciation to announce your weirdo cousin is coming to visit dressed in a tarp that isn't an earth-tone. Seriously, wtf.

But you got this, I believe in you.

[Doktor Howl]

As do I.  The difference between when Nullified first showed up here and now is pretty dramatic.

Under her old name, she was defeated.  The universe was pissing on her Cheerios, aided and abetted by her beaten-down demeanor.

Not sure what happened between then and now, but Nullified has the right amount of grit to start making the world react to her, rather than the world mostly just happening to her.

[Fujikoma]

Be proactive, not reactive. Seize the initiative. Capture the center, sac the queen, free the back row, punish the opponent.

EDIT: And move as few fucking pawns as possible you heathens!

[altered]

What happened was four separate things.

First was ditching the family for good. A lot of that old me was my environment. Under those conditions, nothing was ever up to me, because I had no agency in that household and everyone else around me had an identical attitude of entitlement. It was a bad place for being a human being.

Then I came to Boston and learned the Joy of Doing Especially When You Shouldn't, courtesy of the Queen Bitch of Flyers. There is no need to go into detail: it was high stress and high fun and we always had another thing to do.

Next, Michigan showed me a completely random person who was healthy and normal. This doesn't sound like much, but I'm used to damaged people, and even when damaged people are good, "clear communication" is hard when one party or more is stressed.

In Michigan, I also had time to relax. I could actually take in the lessons I had been learning. I had acceptance from someone who had never met me before. There was always calm and patience. I could find my pace and not worry about it. There was no Sword of Damocles.

Finally, something BROKE. This past month or two I had several occasional excursions from our primary reality. I don't know what happened, but now I have this unyielding need to CHEW, and SHIT, and MAKE A MESS. At first it manifested in a way familiar around these parts but the past two days have taken it somewhere stranger.

I am still rubbing my hands delightedly at what is coming.

[Fujikoma]

It took me a long time to realize just how alone I actually was... you know, all those promises "family" gives you, the ones they never follow through with because, "We just can't right now..."... yeah, those.

But being alone, has a wonderful, majestic side, not only do you owe nothing to no one, but if you take it to extremes, and you live way outside the ass-end of society way out in the wilderness, the stars are uncountable, and you can see a distant, dusty arm of our home galaxy, that will encircle you with a hug night after night, all year round.

[Fujikoma]

Nothing quite beats the psychedelic blue/black of infinite space overhead, unobscured by light pollution, reminding you how small you really are.