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On the Subject of Birds

Started by altered, November 23, 2019, 04:39:37 PM

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altered

#30
November 25, 2019, 02:10:55 AM
Horseshit. Bird spores have been PROVEN to be unable to take root in human flesh.

The real problem is that every bird is a psionic conduit for the Stork of Wrath, inducing irrationality in humans nearby. As birds are near ubiquitous, irrationality is near ubiquitous.

Ever heard of a dipshit in Antarctica? No? Thought so.
"I am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me."

There's over 100 of us in this meat-suit. You'd think it runs like a ship, but it's more like a hundred and ten angry ghosts having an old-school QuakeWorld tournament, three people desperately trying to make sure the gamers don't go hungry or soil themselves, and the Facilities manager weeping in the corner as the garbage piles high.

Doktor Howl

#31
November 25, 2019, 04:48:58 AM
Quote from: chaotic neutral observer on November 24, 2019, 02:53:11 PM
Sometimes, when I write something, it has this overwhelming aura of familiarity, such that it's hard for me to believe that I haven't plagiarized it from somewhere, and simply forgotten the original source.  Maybe I have, and it's just a matter of time before someone accuses me of such.

I have done that.  I mean, I've written something and then it turns out it was something I heard elsewhere.
Molon Lube

Doktor Howl

#32
November 25, 2019, 04:50:08 AM
Quote from: nullified on November 24, 2019, 03:17:46 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on November 24, 2019, 07:49:28 AM
Quote from: nullified on November 24, 2019, 03:55:20 AM
If I was legitimately derivative of you, I'd want to be shot into orbit before Tucson finished dragging me into the hot dark earth.

I've borrowed some stylistic flourishes, but there's no one I haven't borrowed a bit of the voice of.

This is the awesome part.  You borrow a bit from me.  I ripped off Warren Ellis.  Warren Ellis ripped off Hunter S Thompson, who himself ripped off H.L. Mencken, who HIMSELF ripped off Mark Twain, and Mark Twain ripped off old Ben Franklin, who in fact ripped off Voltaire.

This is how this is done.  Any writer who says they are an island is fooling themselves.  Unless they're that lady that wrote 50 shades of whatever, and that SHOWS that she had no influences.

What's great about that list you gave is that I can recognize each author reflected in the other, but they ALSO have their own style and some of them I can't stand even though their predecessors and successors are fine. (This is mostly just Mencken, who I cannot enjoy no matter how I try. And oh boy have I tried.)

The only good thing about Mencken is his irony.  And I fucking hate irony.

Ambrose Bierce should be in there, somewhere.
Molon Lube

altered

#33
November 25, 2019, 04:54:35 AM
I'm one hundred percent certain that anything I have ever said is ripped off from NO LESS than two separate sources, AT LEAST. I am nothing but a machine for churning words and phrases around in circles, kind of like a food processor for language.

Here is the only original thing I will ever say, made especially for you fuckers: Guten Tag horse bumblebee FUCK FUCK FUCK genomic cereal derision.

I hope you like it because I just feel greasy and stinky now.

Pre edit: also, Bierce is definitely deserving of that list. More than Mencken by a fair fucking bit, I think.
"I am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me."

There's over 100 of us in this meat-suit. You'd think it runs like a ship, but it's more like a hundred and ten angry ghosts having an old-school QuakeWorld tournament, three people desperately trying to make sure the gamers don't go hungry or soil themselves, and the Facilities manager weeping in the corner as the garbage piles high.

Fujikoma

#34
November 25, 2019, 07:03:32 AM
Quote from: nullified on November 25, 2019, 04:54:35 AM
Guten Tag horse bumblebee FUCK FUCK FUCK genomic cereal derision.

I think Biden actually said that during the last democratic debate.

altered

#35
November 26, 2019, 02:37:27 AM
My great work remains yet incomplete but today is an unscheduled day of rest and in the three hours I plan to be awake I plan to hork DEATH over this fucking countertop

Just globs of yellow oily ick pooling around night black fragments of undefined semisolids

And I'm gonna MAKE you read it while this tiny giraffe in my stomach gnaws on my optic nerve because by GOD you DESERVE the suffering I'm about 67% sure

If I'm feeling shit, everyone is (theoretically going to be) feeling shit too (if I can make my dreams into reality while dying of exhaustion)
"I am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me."

There's over 100 of us in this meat-suit. You'd think it runs like a ship, but it's more like a hundred and ten angry ghosts having an old-school QuakeWorld tournament, three people desperately trying to make sure the gamers don't go hungry or soil themselves, and the Facilities manager weeping in the corner as the garbage piles high.

altered

#36
November 26, 2019, 02:39:30 AM
Jesus skyfucking christ I'm tired TOMORROW is my day of rest today is OVER
"I am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me."

There's over 100 of us in this meat-suit. You'd think it runs like a ship, but it's more like a hundred and ten angry ghosts having an old-school QuakeWorld tournament, three people desperately trying to make sure the gamers don't go hungry or soil themselves, and the Facilities manager weeping in the corner as the garbage piles high.

altered

#37
November 26, 2019, 02:57:04 AM
The final word: this is INCREDIBLY on brand for me

"I am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me."

There's over 100 of us in this meat-suit. You'd think it runs like a ship, but it's more like a hundred and ten angry ghosts having an old-school QuakeWorld tournament, three people desperately trying to make sure the gamers don't go hungry or soil themselves, and the Facilities manager weeping in the corner as the garbage piles high.

chaotic neutral observer

#38
November 26, 2019, 03:11:15 AM
Quote from: nullified on November 26, 2019, 02:37:27 AM
while this tiny giraffe in my stomach gnaws on my optic nerve

Well, there's a mental image I could have done without.

...I'll just save it for later.
Desine fata deum flecti sperare precando.

altered

#39
November 26, 2019, 03:18:48 AM
Buy a toy that allows a friend to die

I promise you'll forget all about the tiny giraffe my company issues to its employees so they can monitor trade secrets when you knock the fucking skull of your best friend inside out with a spring loaded metal finger
"I am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me."

There's over 100 of us in this meat-suit. You'd think it runs like a ship, but it's more like a hundred and ten angry ghosts having an old-school QuakeWorld tournament, three people desperately trying to make sure the gamers don't go hungry or soil themselves, and the Facilities manager weeping in the corner as the garbage piles high.

chaotic neutral observer

#40
November 26, 2019, 03:25:48 AM
Why would I want to forget about the giraffe?  I'm going to replay that image in my head the next time I need to talk to the marketing weasel.  It will make everything better.
Desine fata deum flecti sperare precando.

Doktor Howl

#41
November 26, 2019, 06:38:35 AM
Quote from: chaotic neutral observer on November 26, 2019, 03:25:48 AM
Why would I want to forget about the giraffe?  I'm going to replay that image in my head the next time I need to talk to the marketing weasel.  It will make everything better.

I have found that the best way to deal with marketing weasels is to smack them with a rolled-up newspaper.  It gets their attention, and it isn't actual cruelty, because they don't have nerves like people do.
Molon Lube

Fujikoma

#42
November 27, 2019, 06:47:55 AM
I think everyone is missing the point, the spring-loaded metal finger is meant solely for the giraffe, or a troublesome booger after you pick your nose, one which needs be flicked at someone standing in front of an adoring throng, trump comes to mind. Green and brown stand out so well against orange.

Fujikoma

#43
November 27, 2019, 06:48:48 AM
I wonder if this experiment could be performed with a small turd.

altered

#44
November 27, 2019, 10:37:07 PM
I just want to say

I am a fucking living curse and one day my enemies will find my teeth embedded in their tires. Repeatedly.

They will find chunks of my hair clogging their drains.

And when they finally go mad the psychiatric staff will be alarmed and confused at how the SAME FUCKING SKULL ends up in their patient's room, over and over, laughing at odd hours of the night.
"I am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me."

There's over 100 of us in this meat-suit. You'd think it runs like a ship, but it's more like a hundred and ten angry ghosts having an old-school QuakeWorld tournament, three people desperately trying to make sure the gamers don't go hungry or soil themselves, and the Facilities manager weeping in the corner as the garbage piles high.
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