Author Topic: Coffee  (Read 366 times)

Pergamos

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Re: Coffee
« Reply #15 on: December 04, 2019, 11:31:09 pm »

Mmm, maybe I'm wrong just as everyone else, but we perceive coffee as a panacea... the only negative issue with it ive encountered is drinking it in the afternoon or later which is when the sleep altering effects kick in, but that goes for any type of stimulant. Perhaps another general thing to be careful about it is if one consumes a lot, it tenses up your body and mood and I don't know the threshhold in which you need to exersice to compensate for it and relax.

The headaches from withdrawal are a bitch, and for some people it can make them anxious, that doesn't sound like a serious drawback, but anxious can get really bad, in the really bad form it is known as a panic attack, and even less severe than that it can be very unpleasant.

Doktor Howl

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Re: Coffee
« Reply #16 on: December 04, 2019, 11:34:06 pm »

Whenever I drink it's in the back of my mind, because of the opportunities they missed, the life they would have led without it, would it have still played out the same.
That dependency is there, it's shown up in my brothers, and I worry about the youngest who never saw the really rough times.

I knew a guy in the army that refused to drink at all because both of his parents were raging alcoholics, and he figured that if he started drinking, he'd never stop.

So you had a non-religious American soldier who at age 24 had never had a beer.  Weird, but strategically sound.
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Re: Coffee
« Reply #17 on: December 05, 2019, 12:16:23 am »
So, several years ago, there was a work-related trip that I couldn't go on, because of my anxiety problem, and my then-boss called me into his office, and intending to be supportive, talked about how his son, who was on the autism spectrum, had managed to adapt and was doing quite well.  I thought to myself, I appreciate the sentiment?  But this doesn't really map to my experience, since I am not autistic.  I'd checked my symptoms; they don't match up.

A while ago, on a whim, I picked up an autobiography of an autistic woman ("Nobody Nowhere").  It was an interesting read, not least because her mental processes were so entirely foreign.  I noted that she and I did have a couple minor oddities in common, but surely that falls into the bounds of normal human variation, because I am not autistic.


QG, I get moments like that too, when my dad, late in life, started hinting that he most likely had undiagnosed high-functioning autism,
... "emotionally neutral" was the default state in the house, and why intellect was held as a higher plane than emotion.
Well, neutral is my default state, and I do place intellect above emotion, but that doesn't mean anything, because I am not


My brain is now doing that headache thing where it's in denial about something, and sorting out conflicting data.

This is going to take a while.

I don't think this is going to be a good week.
"When I say 'engineering', I have unreasonable expectations.  It must - as you know - look good in PADS AND give you plenty of help ducking and weaving in meetings.  But it must also, at some distant point in time, function.  If it does not, then you must accept that you are not in fact an engineer but instead an MBA.  Hang your head in SHAME, sinner!"

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Re: Coffee
« Reply #18 on: December 05, 2019, 12:20:10 am »
I donít like to think about my family much.

I was raised by a neurotic basket case who had been gaslighted into acting that way by a family dynamic involving an inheritance which was promised to ďthe best fitĒ.

The maternal grandparents are drama-monsters who staged very nearly gladiatorial exhibitions every holiday. The goal: upstage and embarrass everyone else and come out with your nose clean. The prize: verbal pats on the head. The punishment: being verbally beaten within an inch of your life, threatened with calls to employers, the kicking into overdrive of the rumor mill of the small town it all went down in.

Even brief exposure to this environment in formative years can cause all fucking kinds of damage.

On the paternal side: a poor-as-dirt rez inhabitant meets a strongly racist, well to do Ukrainian Jewish family. The result was my dad. I never met his family, not even at his own funeral. The reason was simple: one part racism, one part ďMental illness? Mental weakness!Ē

My dad was bullied into taking his own life while struggling with mild schizophrenia and/or extreme bipolar disorder with psychotic presentation. Iím not sure because he could never get it looked at. He tried. I saw the results of that after his death: reams of hospital intakes, discharged as an attention seeker.

I barely met the man. He was in a casket when I was 8. Heíd probably despise me now, given Iím trans and all, but fuck if Iím not going to try and do his legacy justice. Itís all that I can offer to him. And he never got shit else, so I feel like I owe him something.

I donít like to think about my family much. Especially not as it reflects on me.
ďI am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me

Doktor Howl

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Re: Coffee
« Reply #19 on: December 05, 2019, 12:49:26 am »
I donít like to think about my family much.

I was raised by a neurotic basket case who had been gaslighted into acting that way by a family dynamic involving an inheritance which was promised to ďthe best fitĒ.

The maternal grandparents are drama-monsters who staged very nearly gladiatorial exhibitions every holiday. The goal: upstage and embarrass everyone else and come out with your nose clean. The prize: verbal pats on the head. The punishment: being verbally beaten within an inch of your life, threatened with calls to employers, the kicking into overdrive of the rumor mill of the small town it all went down in.

Even brief exposure to this environment in formative years can cause all fucking kinds of damage.

On the paternal side: a poor-as-dirt rez inhabitant meets a strongly racist, well to do Ukrainian Jewish family. The result was my dad. I never met his family, not even at his own funeral. The reason was simple: one part racism, one part ďMental illness? Mental weakness!Ē

My dad was bullied into taking his own life while struggling with mild schizophrenia and/or extreme bipolar disorder with psychotic presentation. Iím not sure because he could never get it looked at. He tried. I saw the results of that after his death: reams of hospital intakes, discharged as an attention seeker.

I barely met the man. He was in a casket when I was 8. Heíd probably despise me now, given Iím trans and all, but fuck if Iím not going to try and do his legacy justice. Itís all that I can offer to him. And he never got shit else, so I feel like I owe him something.

I donít like to think about my family much. Especially not as it reflects on me.

Yeah, I feel that, even though the influence on me was caused by good intentions married to a primitive understanding of the applicable medicine.

My grandmother, though, would have known your grandparents on sight and joined the party.  She was spite incarnate.
"Daisy had syphilis, Tom died of genital warts, and Nick Carroway watched it all in mounting horror, then made off with the silverware and the maid."
~ The Good Reverend

Ecclesiastes 2:14, JACKASS.

Doktor Howl

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Re: Coffee
« Reply #20 on: December 05, 2019, 01:02:23 am »
So, several years ago, there was a work-related trip that I couldn't go on, because of my anxiety problem, and my then-boss called me into his office, and intending to be supportive, talked about how his son, who was on the autism spectrum, had managed to adapt and was doing quite well.  I thought to myself, I appreciate the sentiment?  But this doesn't really map to my experience, since I am not autistic.  I'd checked my symptoms; they don't match up.

A while ago, on a whim, I picked up an autobiography of an autistic woman ("Nobody Nowhere").  It was an interesting read, not least because her mental processes were so entirely foreign.  I noted that she and I did have a couple minor oddities in common, but surely that falls into the bounds of normal human variation, because I am not autistic.


QG, I get moments like that too, when my dad, late in life, started hinting that he most likely had undiagnosed high-functioning autism,
... "emotionally neutral" was the default state in the house, and why intellect was held as a higher plane than emotion.
Well, neutral is my default state, and I do place intellect above emotion, but that doesn't mean anything, because I am not


My brain is now doing that headache thing where it's in denial about something, and sorting out conflicting data.

This is going to take a while.

I don't think this is going to be a good week.

It is what it is.  You're still you, whether or not you are autistic.  It's not like someone dipped you in shit or anything.
"Daisy had syphilis, Tom died of genital warts, and Nick Carroway watched it all in mounting horror, then made off with the silverware and the maid."
~ The Good Reverend

Ecclesiastes 2:14, JACKASS.

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Re: Coffee
« Reply #21 on: December 05, 2019, 01:28:47 am »
It is what it is.  You're still you, whether or not you are autistic.  It's not like someone dipped you in shit or anything.
I'm the same person I was yesterday, but now I have to rewrite my mental model of myself.

God, how stupid did I have to be to miss this?  It's so bleeding obvious.  I wonder if anyone besides my former boss figured it out.  The psychiatrist I saw a couple times sure as hell didn't.

On the plus side, my obsession with parking in the same spot every morning, and my irritation when someone else takes that spot, now makes a lot more sense.

Well, whatever.  In the end, this is mostly just a rearrangement of labels on pre-existing behaviour.  Maybe I can figure out how to manipulate my own idiosyncrasies for fun and profit, once this headache subsides.
"When I say 'engineering', I have unreasonable expectations.  It must - as you know - look good in PADS AND give you plenty of help ducking and weaving in meetings.  But it must also, at some distant point in time, function.  If it does not, then you must accept that you are not in fact an engineer but instead an MBA.  Hang your head in SHAME, sinner!"

Doktor Howl

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Re: Coffee
« Reply #22 on: December 05, 2019, 01:39:39 am »
It is what it is.  You're still you, whether or not you are autistic.  It's not like someone dipped you in shit or anything.
I'm the same person I was yesterday, but now I have to rewrite my mental model of myself.

God, how stupid did I have to be to miss this?  It's so bleeding obvious.  I wonder if anyone besides my former boss figured it out.  The psychiatrist I saw a couple times sure as hell didn't.

On the plus side, my obsession with parking in the same spot every morning, and my irritation when someone else takes that spot, now makes a lot more sense.

Well, whatever.  In the end, this is mostly just a rearrangement of labels on pre-existing behaviour.  Maybe I can figure out how to manipulate my own idiosyncrasies for fun and profit, once this headache subsides.

2 milligrams of benzodiazapine, and my weird mental tics turn into an analytical engine.

There's always an upside.  Unless whatever you have kills you.
"Daisy had syphilis, Tom died of genital warts, and Nick Carroway watched it all in mounting horror, then made off with the silverware and the maid."
~ The Good Reverend

Ecclesiastes 2:14, JACKASS.

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Re: Coffee
« Reply #23 on: December 05, 2019, 02:16:45 am »
Thatís the goddamn truth there.

BPD made me actually kind of charismatic despite my shitty social skills from Aspergers. The list goes on. Everything balanced by something else like a spiral jenga tower of brain damage. ďIf it werenít for... ... itíd all collapseĒ for every piece.

Learn to leverage your neurodivergence as a new tool in the toolbox and you will be more powerful than you might be prepared for.
ďI am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me

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Re: Coffee
« Reply #24 on: December 05, 2019, 03:54:37 am »
I donít like to think about my family much, but now I have and I am dwelling on my dad.

Think Iím gonna post that somewhere else though, itís wandered a bit from the topic.
ďI am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me

Bruno

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Re: Coffee
« Reply #25 on: December 05, 2019, 10:57:19 am »
I feel that both of my parents are non-neurotypical, but I can't be sure. My mom is definitely more emotion than logic, and my dad has never spoken enough for me to really have any idea how he thinks. They are both functional enough within our native culture, which is rural Tennessee. My dad worked the same decent paying skilled tech job (telecom) for 40+ years, retired more or less on time (his 60's). My mom stayed at home. Some of what I perceive as non-neuorotypicality in her could just be a result of 40+ years of stir crazy from being a housewife in a rural southern town, and being married to a really quiet guy. Her parents were typical of their generation in the south. Her dad worked, and her mom stayed at home and raised the 5 kids. She never got a driver's license. My dad's parents were pretty much the same story except I think there were, like, 12 kids or something.

I, myself, feel vaguely abnormal. I'm 47 years old and have never been in a relationship long enough to call it that, which is ...kind of unusual, I guess. I work 50+ hours a week at a moderately well paying factory job because I really just can't think of anything else to do with my time. I would describe my current mindset as a mix of intense boredom alleviated partly by chronic anxiety, which would probably also explain the conspicuously large collection of firearms and legumes that I have accumulated over the last couple of years.

My brother is the functional one. Wife and two kids (homeschooled, so yeah, fingers crossed) very good paying job as head computer guy at a decent sized company (makes about twice what I do) As a father he's the only viable branch of the family tree. Hopefully he's passed on some of the better genes to his kids.

Some of my issues may not be genetic. There was an event that happened to me at the age of five that seem likely to have resulted in some neurological changes. I blamed that event for decades as the sole reason for my weirdness, but now I suspect genetics, or at least genetic predisposition could also be a factor.
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