No News Is Good News

[Pergamos]

This is how progress occurs:  Through acts of massive incompetence.

By this logic, Trump should be the best thing that ever happened to America. His intentions are evil and he never does anything right. He *should* be fucking up his fascist agenda so bad that he accidentally erases student loan debt and creates a single payer health system.

If we get a canny leftist as president he paved the way for that by taking military money away to build his wall.  The supreme court ruled it was ok to spend military money on an emergency.  Our next president could declare student loan debt and folks being uninsured as emergencies.

[Doktor Howl]

This is how progress occurs:  Through acts of massive incompetence.

By this logic, Trump should be the best thing that ever happened to America. His intentions are evil and he never does anything right. He *should* be fucking up his fascist agenda so bad that he accidentally erases student loan debt and creates a single payer health system.

If we get a canny leftist as president he paved the way for that by taking military money away to build his wall.  The supreme court ruled it was ok to spend military money on an emergency.  Our next president could declare student loan debt and folks being uninsured as emergencies.

I approve of this sort of self-amplifying pendulum effect.

[Faust]

World war 3 Happened, but in the world of proxy nations fighting wars for the superpowers it was entirely fought in EVE online.
Ukrainian hackers won, and everyone but Norway have had to go to the IMF for a bailout.

[The Johnny]

Our reptilian overlords have come forward to say they fucked up, and are restarting the simulation to 2012

YAY!?!?

[chaotic neutral observer]

Disregard all preceding and following messages in this thread.  They were/will be posted in error.  This post alone contains the truth of the current situation.

There is no news to report.  All is well.

[The Wizard Joseph]

Disregard all preceding and following messages in this thread.  They were/will be posted in error.  This post alone contains the truth of the current situation.

There is no news to report.  All is well.

This post tells only lies.

[rong]

Disregard all preceding and following messages in this thread.  They were/will be posted in error.  This post alone contains the truth of the current situation.

There is no news to report.  All is well.

This post tells only lies.

it's true

[altered]

Cram, you missed so much: here’s the best two highlights.

As of last week, sports is outlawed by the European Union, and porn is the new international pastime publicly, not just privately. Unfortunate implications from this change led to the declaration of France as a mistake in the timeline, now rectified. Old France is expected to complete its fly-by of Neptune in May, and New France is a pit of horror that is currently having the world’s biggest tarp draped over it so we don’t have to see it while the paradox works itself out.

Also, Eris returned from wherever she was with a filthy litter box and broke into your apartment with it. She then dumped it all over your stovetop, turned your microwave upside down, and mixed your ketchup and maple syrup bottles into your household cleaning supplies. No explanation was provided.

[Eater of Clowns]

This just in.

We interrupt this news report to bring you a special news report.

Please stand by. As we gather more information we will update this story.

This is a developing story. Events may unfold that change as they happen.

Our regularly scheduled news program will commence following this report.

Our reporters are standing by at the scene.

Please forgive our appearance as we undergo remodeling.

Your same favorite news will soon be available at a new news location at 451 Short St. Columbus OH.

For trusted reporting you can trust and rely on, turn to your favorite news station. Every day.

Sources at the scene describe the events.

We're sorry for this.

[Cramulus]

Cram, you missed so much: here’s the best two highlights.

As of last week, sports is outlawed by the European Union, and porn is the new international pastime publicly, not just privately. Unfortunate implications from this change led to the declaration of France as a mistake in the timeline, now rectified. Old France is expected to complete its fly-by of Neptune in May, and New France is a pit of horror that is currently having the world’s biggest tarp draped over it so we don’t have to see it while the paradox works itself out.

 
That explains a lot, actually.

Also, Eris returned from wherever she was with a filthy litter box and broke into your apartment with it. She then dumped it all over your stovetop, turned your microwave upside down, and mixed your ketchup and maple syrup bottles into your household cleaning supplies. No explanation was provided.

This is weirdly plausible.

[LMNO]

Marvin should have been wearing the God Helmet

This part of the post was under-appreciated.

[Doktor Howl]

Mexico is still not where it belongs.

[Cramulus]

This just in.

We interrupt this news report to bring you a special news report.

Please stand by. As we gather more information we will update this story.

This is a developing story. Events may unfold that change as they happen.

Our regularly scheduled news program will commence following this report.

Our reporters are standing by at the scene.

Please forgive our appearance as we undergo remodeling.

Your same favorite news will soon be available at a new news location at 451 Short St. Columbus OH.

For trusted reporting you can trust and rely on, turn to your favorite news station. Every day.

Sources at the scene describe the events.

We're sorry for this.