I have a thought for Cramulus.
As I understand it you are actively engaged in spiritual practices with the intention to "raise the consciousness of the universe by raising your own" or somesuch thing.
I say that if the universe is at all conscious to even the slightest degree, including your own "consciousness" as such, then it is by a matter of sheer scale vastly MORE conscious than you could ever be in your wildest possible dream if you dedicated your entire mortal existence exclusively to having wild dreams, and so it's a sort of hubris bordering on madness to even try.
why attempt to do anything?
the world is so big, and we're so small
To do anything but roll over and accept the cards you've been dealt, the situation you're in, the person you've become -- that's madness
every artist, every activist, every seeker -- they are all attempting to move a needle that weighs as much as the whole world
two needles, really -- one that's inside of them has to move first,
and if they can do that, it can apply leverage to the big external needle
If the universe is in fact not conscious at all, including by extension yourself, then you are rather like the corpse of Dr. Frankenstein trying to vivify the whole universe with no apparatus but your mind, such as it is. It would thus seem that the seat of intention in your whole damn spiritual praxis is mad as fish grease off its meds.
first and foremost, I'm just trying to be a real person - that is, not just an empty vessel, or a parrot, that just repeats whatever sharpnel I absorbed from my environment this year. Someone with agency, who can make decisions, and not just kneejerk reactions.
And that's what most situations need, right?
so that's the praxis
That's a good response. Were this not Thought Club I would be quite contented by it and conced, but contentment is not the point here, and so I have a couple questions because something there tasted sweet in my mouth, but has my stomach a bit bitter so to speak.
To do anything but roll over and accept the cards you've been dealt, the situation you're in, the person you've become -- that's madness
I presume from what I think I know of you that this is a typo or misstatement. You are otherwise advocating for this mad complacency in such things. Am I wrong?
Consider the statement pared down a bit and restated.
Accept the cards you've been dealt, the situation that you're in, the person you've become, and then act upon them.
No "rolling over" is inherent in any of those things. They are a necessary first step to lucid action when restated as such with a meaningful imperative instead of calling such things madness.
I totally agree about your observation on artists or anyone seeking some form of agency in the world.
first and foremost, I'm just trying to be a real person - that is, not just an empty vessel, or a parrot, that just repeats whatever sharpnel I absorbed from my environment this year. Someone with agency, who can make decisions, and not just kneejerk reactions.
Why are you trying to be what you objectively already are? You are already a real person. Are you seeking to become "more real"? Are those not on your cognitive and spiritual level these "empty parrots" you seem to fear being? If not all people can be said to be such then at what point are they endowed beyond that somehow? They are EXACTLY as real as you are if anyone can be said to be so. Is this not the same essential derision behind the common vernacular "sheeple"?
Cramulus I must now make an observation of mine that you may not like. Please understand that I am by no means trying to hurt you, but this may sting a bit.
You seem to be trying to save yourself. I strongly suspect that this is a vestigial remnant of the Christianity I believe you once said you used to hold. Absent a separate saviour figure you have seemingly taken the burden of this saving upon yourself needlessly. I am thoroughly enmeshed in the same paradigm in many ways, and so I sympathize deeply.
I tell you plainly that there is nothing to save, just people and things in yourself and the world to act upon as wisely as you can AND NO MORE.
Another great mind, and I DO think you have a great mind capable of great things, that made this kind of error of comfort was Nietzsche. In positing an overman all he really did was deconstruct the messiah complex and replace it with a vague outline of something that would "save" or at least "rightfully replace" this wretched thing he saw in humanity. He went to some length to demolish the popular saviours and in not stopping there posited a saviour. He just cleared the temple of all idols and set up his own in their stead, as is so very painfully commonplace.
There are no such things as saviours, and nothing that needs such a thing.
The moment that you accept this you will perhaps be able to rest, recflect, and act with much greater peace and clarity.
