5/21/2020
I have been through such a strange undulation of my reality lately. it's like things are a rapid boil and all sorts of horrible shit is being brought to the surface. Even as the math picture on the virus gets exponentially worse than the early numbers indicate a ridiculous social movement is springing up calling for "Freedom" instead of the systemic changes that might actually work to buy us time. I have witnessed this first hand through my fool ass brother, but that no longer matters, and I need to wean myself of the habit of calling the wretch "brother" he is not, and probably never was, any such thing. For a couple months it turns out he has been shitting down my back to "dad" and trying to get me out of favor and out of the house. I strongly suspect this is because he's a narcissistic, delusional psycho much like mom and I committed the high crime of contradicting him and calling him out on being deluded, citing actual facts contrary to his psychosis. Dad let him do it, and I also had the displeasure of hearing my goof father airing, falsely,my dirty laundry to some shitneck while on the phone, for no reason other than gossip it seems. i wasn't trying to spy, but i happened to be in earshot and heard my name.
Yesterday my bro tried to coerce me outright and meaningful shit got said. I have made some arrangements with trusties back in LaX for crash space and intend to either get re-settled into the medical system through my connections in LaX or to jump for parts as yet unknown from there. I NEED to get away from my toxic ass fam. I WANT to leave Wisconsin for ever and find a new home state because FUCK WISCONSIN for deciding that drinking and alcohol money were more important than slowing this pandemic. Not sure about the latter, but the former is a done deal in two weeks. In making the decision i feel as if a huge weight literally came off my chest. I'm done with them and their bullshit, and so only have my own to deal with.