I think I was approaching from a "remove all gender from the language" approach and it sounds like you are describing a "remove all presumptions about gender from the language" approach. Do I have that right?
Not quite. It’s both, depending on who is using it and why, but the usual usage is just about assumptions, yeah.
Simply put, no trans person is enough of a moron to say “gender is fake let’s burn it all,” because they’re fucking trans, they feel the reality of gender far more strongly than ANY cis individual could. There is something there. It’s important. Statements to the contrary are made in bad faith by transphobic morons, full stop. (To the point that “abolish gender” is a trans meme.)
But then, stupid quirks of linguistics and etymology are used to delegitimize and abuse trans people, rile up cis people against them, and so forth. On top of that, given most gender in language is binary, many languages invalidate non-binary identities by default, including Spanish and Portuguese.
This means you literally cannot talk in a formal way about your non-binary friend in Spanish unless you just use their name over and over in every sentence. Different way to put it, the prior sentence cannot be translated into Spanish without changing its meaning.
So what is happening isn’t some “abolish gendered nouns, smash the binary, make Romance languages gender neutral all the time” like a lot of people are being misled into believing. It’s just making space for things to be referred to without saying they are or are not a certain gender. This is the entire reason the “Latine” take is less popular, and why no one actually cares about gendered articles like “el” and “la”.
Again, I’m repeating a lot of this second hand or third hand, but it is coming from people I trust myself to understand what the fuck they’re saying, and it’s consistent with how transgender people act and think WRT gender as a heavily generalized rule. So I feel like I’m more likely to be correct than not on it.
ETA: probably should have mentioned this. My friend who was telling me about this is Brazilian, so that is the perspective I’m drawing upon. Mexico may have a different dynamic, though I haven’t seen any examples that contradict what she was saying.