[OPEN ROLEPLAY] The Spinning Skull Inn & Tavern

[Cramulus]

The Skull Manager Says (in a friendly but skeletor-like voice):

GREETINGS TO YE, AND OH MY! THOU SURE ART COMELY FOR A ...CENTAUR? OGRE? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU.

*looking around the room*
hey guys, the fuck is this thing?

ok whatever, nevermind

HAVE YOU COME TO RESCUE US FROM HARRY POTTER, THE EVIL WIZARDS
 ???

[Cain]

I roll to seduce the spinning skull

[Doktor Howl]

I roll to seduce the spinning skull

(You gotta role play it)

[Cain]

No, that's what I say. In italics and all. Bards, darling, we can do that.

[LuciferX]

*plunges fist into frothy mug of carbonated water-
  flings handful of ice at “Retro-Front”*


(To barkeep)


Hi there! Gimme some of that what I neeed, please... Sorting my provisions for later too. Crossing Brickner Bridge was a bitch, horses been acting up for a fort-year, like someone from Frogy Gultch bewitched them or something. Anyhow, I’m in a mood. Don’t mind him. Peace.

[Doktor Howl]

No, that's what I say. In italics and all. Bards, darling, we can do that.

 

[Cramulus]

I roll to seduce the spinning skull

    You fail, I am NOT seduced, but I fuck you anyway
                         \
    THAT'S WHAT I CALL DM FIAT, BABY! SCHWINGGGGGG *slide whistle noise* aooooooo HUBBA HUBBA *homer simpson drooling sound*
                           \






hot DAMN we're gonna get a webby award for this thread

[Cramulus]

*plunges fist into frothy mug of carbonated water-
  flings handful of ice at “Retro-Front”*


(To barkeep)


Hi there! Gimme some of that what I neeed, please... Sorting my provisions for later too. Crossing Brickner Bridge was a bitch, horses been acting up for a fort-year, like someone from Frogy Gultch bewitched them or something. Anyhow, I’m in a mood. Don’t mind him. Peace.

okay, here's your usual

(it's scalding hot dog piss, mixed with glitter)


Something bewitched your horse, you say? What's wrong with it?

[Freeky]

A gush of wind and a noisy thump betrayed the door letting in yet another poor soul. In the doorway stands a boy, maybe 11 to 12 of age, unkempt black hair and round glasses only barely holding together with some tape. He's wearing red and yellow striped scarf and a ridiculous looking black robe, both stained and scruffy. In his forehead there's a very visible scar shaped like runic "s".

Excuse me, I was looking for the platform 9 3/4 and got terribly lost. Do you mind if I use the bathroom?

extremely belated pointing lI'L BITCH!! lunges while sputtering incoherently

FUCKIN GONNA..... MAYONNAISE YOUR FACE

OR WHATEVER

[LuciferX]

 

Thank you! Glitter is so flexible these days.


Horses? Dirty contacts draining their juice I’d say, but that’s the fever talking. Just pisses me off that it’s been three or four generations, that’s all. But I to reason with it would be a fool.

*plunges fist into frothy mug of carbonated water-
  flings handful of ice at “Retro-Front”*


(To barkeep)


Hi there! Gimme some of that what I neeed, please... Sorting my provisions for later too. Crossing Brickner Bridge was a bitch, horses been acting up for a fort-year, like someone from Frogy Gultch bewitched them or something. Anyhow, I’m in a mood. Don’t mind him. Peace.

okay, here's your usual

(it's scalding hot dog piss, mixed with glitter)


Something bewitched your horse, you say? What's wrong with it?

[LuciferX]

Oh, and fuck you, have you SEEN the size of the BUBBLES in my PISS!!!

[LMNO]

::The doors swing open::


Howdy, y'all.








::walks to bar::




What you got back there for a thirsty rider?

[Cramulus]

A hush falls over the bar as the big gay cowboy strides in. An Elf and a Dwarf suspend their slap fight, looking towards the rugged silhouette in hushed awe, their hands momentarily frozen in space, halted mid-slap.

An old man croaks, "the prophecy ... he returns ...!"

Before the cowboy bellies up to the bar, a Glork (that's like an orc, but more homophobic) blocks his path. "Hey," it grunts, "You've got a lotta nerve showing up here again, after what you did..." It holds up an axe, as if to say, "I'm going to hit you with this axe."

To make sure the message is clear, he also expresses this verbally, saying, "I'm going to hit you with this axe."

[LMNO]

Bad idea, sis.




I load my weaponized mini horses.

[altered]

Fraudulence looks up from the paper and sits back.

Well, I guess it wasn’t a comet this time. About as much of an unexpectedly destructive omen, though.

She clears her throat and incants the ancient dark speech.

Howdy, pardner. Looks like we’re in for a rootin’ tootin’ shootin’ good ol’ time.

Fulminous vapors rise and everything smells like rancid camp gay.