[OPEN ROLEPLAY] The Spinning Skull Inn & Tavern

[LMNO]

I slightly turn my head to look at Fraudulence form the corner of my eye

Thanks kindly for the welcome, but I'm a little busy with Karen here.  nods in the Glork's direction.

What are you trying to do there, hun?  Give me a pedicure?

[Cramulus]

The Glork, suddenly overcome with confusing feelings, staggers backwards. If you look closely, you may notice that it is blushing.

"A pedicure?" it stammers, "well... if those are your demands...." a drop of sweat rolls down the side of its face.

As the cowboy sits on a stool at the bar, the Glork, kneeling at his feet, gently removes the cowboy's boots. Breathing heavily, hands trembling, he begins to paint the cowboy's toenails.

[LMNO]

Ahhhh.



Bartender, whiskey for me, beer for my horses.

[P3nT4gR4m]

Suddenly the door to the tavern swings open so violently the hinges have to roll a saving throw, allowing the door to slam back shut in the face of the culprit. The stench of sour Buckfast and tinned haggis assaults the air with the intensity of a prison riot, stamping on a guard's ballsack.

"Alcohol! Now, or every cunt dies"

Character Name: Angus McFuckye
Alignment: Chaotic/Scottish

Strength: 17 +100 (Fighting Drunk)
Dexterity: 3
Constitution: unknown
Intelligence: -7
Wisdom: 1
Charisma: 0

Weapon: Enchanted Broken Pint Tumbler "Malkies Chibb" +4 to maim

Combat bonus: +6 if character has recently pished himself

[Cramulus]

Combat bonus: +6 if character has recently pished himself

you have to declare it: has he recently pished himself? how much urine can we smell right now?

[P3nT4gR4m]

Combat bonus: +6 if character has recently pished himself

you have to declare it: has he recently pished himself? how much urine can we smell right now?

Hard to tell if it's fresh or not, the reek of BO and poorly wiped arsehole tends to drown everything else out. He's been in the bar about a minute and a half now so we'll probably find out soon enough.

[LMNO]

Leans towards the bartender, speaks in sotto voce


There a VIP section in here?  The air is dummy thicc right now, y'know?

[altered]

Fraudulence rolls up her Important Quest Item and drops it on the floor, so it will follow her around like a bad penny instead of taking precious inventory space.

Well, this is what happens when I stick around too long. Thanks for the milk, barkeep.

In the process of standing up and re-trousering, Fraudulence brings an elbow down on the edge of the basin of now-fresh milk. Does it tip? Flip? Fling dairy? Or just wobble? Or something totally different? Only Cram knows, asshole god he is.

[Cramulus]

In the process of standing up and re-trousering, Fraudulence brings an elbow down on the edge of the basin of now-fresh milk. Does it tip? Flip? Fling dairy? Or just wobble? Or something totally different? Only Cram knows, asshole god he is.

The milk has hardened like elmer's glue and your elbow sticks into it, making the same sound as a brick being dropped into a vat of JELLO


Between the rancid milk, and the sharp urine smell eminating from Angus McFuckye, the bar's smell is intolerable. The bartender shrugs and puts a little clothespin on his nose.

"Oi, me thinks this dank tavern could use some music. Anyone know any songs? drinkin' songs or otherwise. Entertain us and a pint of Dragon Cum is on the house."

[chaotic neutral observer]

This stew tastes like someone put heart and soul into it, yah?  I don't mind the heart, not at all, but I'm no soul-eater, no sir.  Puts 35 crumpets on the bar.  Keep the change.

A song, eh?  Pulls out electroharp.  Well, here's a song for any of you who was ever walking through the Dank Forest, and said to yourself WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yiyZmQhuM4w

[minuspace]

Let me try that...


Leans over and starts spitting verbiage in some Tolkienesque argot.

Yah, that's some clean stew, hearty and full of fire. I'll have some four portions In a few.

[minuspace]

Whips out an udder...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EP9VWEFx6-U&list=RD-X6qF7sF9eo&index=27

[minuspace]

 


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PmV2aHaGdh4

[P3nT4gR4m]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXm8JdC4k4c

[minuspace]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXm8JdC4k4c

Yah, that's what I meant.