Open Bar: Curbside Pickup Only

[hooplala]

Quite honestly I cannot tel if this is fiction or whether you really did all this.

I would call that alone a true win.

I do a lot of stupid shit these days.

That should be written on a sign posted outside Earth

[altered]

My ramen detonation had mysterious causes, being as it was uncontained and under atmospheric pressure. (My theory is that a piece of metal had gotten into the noodles.)

Yours sounds more spectacular, more damaging, and with a greater amount of preparation required. As befits your stature.

[Faust]

*convulses on floor, stands up wearing RWHN beard*
Did your near death experience make you are born again pastafarian

[Doktor Howl]

Quite honestly I cannot tel if this is fiction or whether you really did all this.

I would call that alone a true win.

I do a lot of stupid shit these days.

That should be written on a sign posted outside Earth

Add "We didn't ask for your help, alien swine.  Get fucked.  Sincerely, The Primates."

[Doktor Howl]

I have a proper rant percolating for the first time since 2016 or so.

[chaotic neutral observer]

I have a proper rant percolating for the first time since 2016 or so.

May your hate flow like water.

[Doktor Howl]

Well, caught another 6 day ban on Facebook for referring to American Christians as the Taliban.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

But everybody does that. I guess you got caught in the first wave of "Guess what our new taboo words are!"
(Remember when we couldn't say "white"? "Lost cat, orange tabby with white feet" was enough to set it off.)

Does this mean we can't say "Y'all Qaeda"?

[altered]

So, it's been awhile. Time for an update.

This month has been garbage for the world. I've resigned myself to being genocided. This doesn't mean I'm not going out with a bang. This month has become bizarrely good for me.

I found True Love (though the other parties seem unsure, it's what it feels like to me at least so whatever I'm going to go with it for now). I became a dom and learned hypnosis on LITERALLY this past Tuesday night so I could take them to a dream place and exist as a horrific nightmare engine that puppeteers them around (and we both love it -- it's like I erase 150 miles and literally drag their soul directly into my mind). I also learned how to flirt and I make all the bottoms swoon and gibber and beg for more now, which is good because I'm polyamorous now. Yes, I am both relentlessly sexy and relentlessly sexual these days: progesterone has indeed given me great tits, but it's also given me the libido of a pent-up teenager crossed with an Adelie penguin during mating season.

But it's not all deranged degenerate sex shit! No, some of it is deranged degenerate platonic friendship shit where I feel like I'm legitimately supporting my friends on bad days instead of letting them down, and I trust them to have my back. Also everyone I talk to on a daily basis now literally conceives of me as a horrifying aberration of cosmic laws instead of a human, and that's the part they LIKE. (Okay sure they also like the tits and the hardcore flirting but LISTEN: no one who I respect in the least ever said I can't have it all.) Beyond that, I've fully given in to the positive parts of my BPD and I let myself feel deep and passionate love for my platonic friends now instead of constantly worrying about being a creepy weirdo motherfucker.

And aside from interpersonal shit: I have my first piece of jewelry (the Quake logo, made out of steel and iron scrap bound together with wire and leather cord). HRT inexplicably made me stronger (this should be impossible). I have an axe and people find that hot. My singing is improving to an absurd degree (ordinary true-voice phonation singing, fry screams and false-chord screams alike! also my fry gutturals can shake the garbage cans outside when I'm really feeling it). I've learned about trans surgeries that actually appeal to me (again, no one ever said I can't have it all). I think I can manage to crowdfund replacing my teeth with implants so I can have stainless steel teeth and no more terrifying dental problems. My dietary needs have dropped to "human" instead of "tungsten-casting blast furnace". I might be getting ADHD medication soon. With ADHD medication comes jobhunting with the name of Curse, which I have finally fully realized permanently bars me from customer service work -- and thank god.

Oh yeah, and I'm converting to Judaism. No, really, I'm serious. And it doesn't have anything to do with my friend group or the cute plural system I'm hypnotizing. No, it has to do with making personal decisions for my life and a transfem musician who I have become friends with and got a crush on (but it isn't related in any of the ways you think!).

So, you know, this month has been a fucking LOT for me.

[lexi]

This month has become bizarrely good for me.

Yay!

[altered]

This month has become bizarrely good for me.

Yay!

Yay indeed! And to continue the Yay, in a couple hours, I'm going to go start a weekend of kinky shit in a hotel with a completely platonic friend I love dearly. Glad to see you're alive, we haven't spoken in awhile, send me a hello sometime on Discord!

[hooplala]

Kind of a crazy week for me— my nephew was drafted into the NHL, then a couple days later my partner almost died in front of me from some unknown allergen - literally almost died, they were turning blue, choking and foaming at the mouth, it was HORRIFYING - then contracted covid (finally, after successfully dodging for over 2 years) which has zapped me of any life I had left in me... on top of all that I heard back about a poem I sent away ages ago, and they EVISCERATED it.

So it's been quite a week!

[Doktor Howl]

Kind of a crazy week for me— my nephew was drafted into the NHL, then a couple days later my partner almost died in front of me from some unknown allergen - literally almost died, they were turning blue, choking and foaming at the mouth, it was HORRIFYING - then contracted covid (finally, after successfully dodging for over 2 years) which has zapped me of any life I had left in me... on top of all that I heard back about a poem I sent away ages ago, and they EVISCERATED it.

So it's been quite a week!

Yeah, my youngest kid has been in and out of the hospital for about 6 weeks now, so I feel ya.

[Chelagoras The Boulder]

hey everyone, I'm back. Update on what's been going on with me:
*been coming to terms with the fact that my dad is an abusive, manipulative narcissist
*my mom is either also a narcissist or has narcissistic abuse syndrome (neither of them will go to therapy so this is mostly armchair diagnosing)
*trying to help my mom separate from my dad, as I fear he's only gonna get worse as he gets older (highlights include him demanding apologies from my mom's brothers who died of cancer)
*I'm trying out He/they pronouns these days
*I've now got COVID for the second time
*I just got a job working at Bevmo that will hopefully help me move the fuck out of this house
*getting back into Podcasting, as well as dipping my feet back into magic/witchy shit and gardening and whatever my ADHD decides i can focus on atm
*helping my friend figure out how to start a non-hierarchical religion of her own invention.
*looking into getting Mexican citizenship to hopefully escape *gestures vaguely at the US in general*

Also, Altered, always nice to find a fellow poly person, glad you're finding meaningful connections/getting laid!

[chaotic neutral observer]

Heard in a meeting the other day:

"...applying force to the chassis and seeing if it leaks goo afterward..."

"...I don't think the other labs set fire to our devices..."

"Have we accidentally constructed a doomsday device?"