So, it's been awhile. Time for an update.
This month has been garbage for the world. I've resigned myself to being genocided. This doesn't mean I'm not going out with a bang. This month has become bizarrely good for me.
I found True Love (though the other parties seem unsure, it's what it feels like to me at least so whatever I'm going to go with it for now). I became a dom and learned hypnosis on LITERALLY this past Tuesday night so I could take them to a dream place and exist as a horrific nightmare engine that puppeteers them around (and we both love it -- it's like I erase 150 miles and literally drag their soul directly into my mind). I also learned how to flirt and I make all the bottoms swoon and gibber and beg for more now, which is good because I'm polyamorous now. Yes, I am both relentlessly sexy and relentlessly sexual these days: progesterone has indeed given me great tits, but it's also given me the libido of a pent-up teenager crossed with an Adelie penguin during mating season.
But it's not all deranged degenerate sex shit! No, some of it is deranged degenerate platonic friendship shit where I feel like I'm legitimately supporting my friends on bad days instead of letting them down, and I trust them to have my back. Also everyone I talk to on a daily basis now literally conceives of me as a horrifying aberration of cosmic laws instead of a human, and that's the part they LIKE. (Okay sure they also like the tits and the hardcore flirting but LISTEN: no one who I respect in the least ever said I can't have it all.) Beyond that, I've fully given in to the positive parts of my BPD and I let myself feel deep and passionate love for my platonic friends now instead of constantly worrying about being a creepy weirdo motherfucker.
And aside from interpersonal shit: I have my first piece of jewelry (the Quake logo, made out of steel and iron scrap bound together with wire and leather cord). HRT inexplicably made me stronger (this should be impossible). I have an axe and people find that hot. My singing is improving to an absurd degree (ordinary true-voice phonation singing, fry screams and false-chord screams alike! also my fry gutturals can shake the garbage cans outside when I'm really feeling it). I've learned about trans surgeries that actually appeal to me (again, no one ever said I can't have it all). I think I can manage to crowdfund replacing my teeth with implants so I can have stainless steel teeth and no more terrifying dental problems. My dietary needs have dropped to "human" instead of "tungsten-casting blast furnace". I might be getting ADHD medication soon. With ADHD medication comes jobhunting with the name of Curse, which I have finally fully realized permanently bars me from customer service work -- and thank god.
Oh yeah, and I'm converting to Judaism. No, really, I'm serious. And it doesn't have anything to do with my friend group or the cute plural system I'm hypnotizing. No, it has to do with making personal decisions for my life and a transfem musician who I have become friends with and got a crush on (but it isn't related in any of the ways you think!).
So, you know, this month has been a fucking LOT for me.
