Escape from the Moon

[Cramulus]

Escape from The Moon
by Cramulus, Aftermathematics Research Cabal

First, there was Nothing, then there was Everything. There was no point, then there was one point, then it exploded, and it became All & Everything from A to Z.

All & Everything's first order of business was to create all the galaxies. Everything (disguised as the galaxies)'s job was to create all the solar systems. The solar system's job was to create all the planets.

Our planet's job was to create the moon. Everything's goal was to create the moon.

(Did you know there are two moons? We can only see one of them)

Organic life grew on earth. After billions of years, it started to figure shit out. It went to the farms, it went to the cities, it turned to nations, it turned to religion, to corporation, fast food chains, team sports, late night infomercials, social media, the human abacus, the living calculator.

The fittest survived. So we ended up with humans. We ended up with governments. We ended up with feudalism and the calculations ran for thousands of years. Every life on the farm, every life in the castle, every life in the church, all part of this equation. The denominator grew and grew until it added up to guillotines. The moon ate it all, she's growing, her gravity runs through our hair like fingers, first softly, then gripping, pulling, turning our heads.

The moon demands our attention. Tidal forces make us spend money and have kids and retire and die and become soil. Tidal forces make war and insanity, it's like the weather, its like a cauldron. This is all nature needs from us. To help calculate. To be worms and then worm food, 1 and 0.

There is a parade of words, images, ideas, truths and lies. A war of Yes, No, and Reconciliation. What do you think of this? What do you think of that? Your energy goes out, it feeds the moon. It's part of the calculation.

It's growing. It's going to become green one day. It'll take many, many lifetimes to build it. Our life is the din of its construction, but you and I will never live there. 

If you're quiet, you can hear something other than the perpetual sucking lunar vacuum. Eris's whisper is easy to confuse with the moon. She's far out there, you know. Past pluto. Her arc only nears you every 500 years. If you want to hear her, you have to listen very attentively. You have to make yourself ready to hear her, because the tidal cacophony drowns her out.

She says that you don't have to become food for the moon. You can use that energy for yourself.




Most people don't get a choice.

[Doktor Howl]

My name's sometimes Sam Tarwell, and I'm here to tell you that you can't escape from the moon.  Or anything else.

So yeah, we spent more than 2,000,000 looking at the moon, the cheeky bastard hanging right over our heads, sometimes closer, sometimes farther, sometimes full, sometimes the straight razor of the gods.  Is it any wonder why all human cultures had a moon goddess?  Then we spent about 12,000 years studying it, learning that we literally cannot survive without the jackass.

Then we did something about it.  We flew there 5 times and littered the joint with broken equipment and Tang packages.

Then we sent a robot to mars and engraved a dick & balls on it, just to tell Ares that he can fuck off right alongside Selene.  Fuck you.  We're primates, and we cannot be held responsible. 

Get out of the way.