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Survival tips for a bi guy

Started by Exoteric, February 22, 2021, 05:09:16 AM

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Exoteric

So, over the last couple months I've realized that I'm bisexual. That took me by surprise, to make a serious understatement, and I'm trying to understand the position I'm in as quickly as possible. I've been reaching out to people I think already do more than me as part of that. So, this's a general call for any information any of you want to give me: Resources, advice, specific dangers, whatever. Don't worry about scaring or talking down to me, if you have something you think I should know I want to hear it. I have some stuff to handle right now, so I'm sorry if I don't check back here until next weekend
I haven't been writing for very long, and I want to improve. If any parts of my posts aren't readable, please point them out.

I'm coming off of a bad bout of anxiety, and I'm going to try stepping away from the Internet for a bit and working on my habits. I might come back here if my mental health ever gets more secure, but for now I'm gone. You all take care of yourselves and the people you care about, and keep moving.

altered

Find your local queers, first of all. Like, that's literally the very first step. I didn't do that and I had no support network, just years of free fall. Only knowing them through the internet is fine, but the important thing is finding the queers who are local to you. Do not be like me and assume internet queers are enough, you need the locals so you can hear who the bigots are and how to go shopping in the wrong part of town and not get clocked (trust me, now that you're queer and aware of it, that's an actual concern you have to have, even if you think nothing has changed).

Next, do your research. Do not trust medical resources that aren't on queer-friendly websites. There are literal centuries of misinformation and demonization about queer life (and I'm not just talking about sex) that you need to sift through, and trust me when I say that you can't do it. You're too new to this, you have no way of doing it. EDIT: saying this so you know why you have to pick where your research comes from VERY carefully.

After that, your local queers got this. They've babysat other newbies, they'll keep you on track.



If you're talking about very real life-or-death survival, this is super simple. Just lean into the "tough guy" aesthetic hard. Get a bunch of milsurp, grow one of those dumb survivalist beards, buy a gun or at least talk a lot about buying a gun. This is what I do, you know how many people gaybash me? None. Because no one fucking knows I'm not a chud, when I walk around with my desert sand Hazard4 backpack and MOLLE-laden thigh pouches. I have to warn fellow queers about me when they meet me for the first time, but that's a small price to pay for being functionally immune to RL bigotry.

Also, you'll spend less on clothes. The milsurp is cheap and lasts forever. Goes double on the lasts forever part if you buy "tactical" stuff: 5.11 Tactical is overpriced but indestructible, Rothco will have your back for everything except for boots, and UTG/Leapers bags are literally impossible to destroy. I have one that has survived being dragged two miles down a freeway, run over by a truck, multiple drenchings in heavy rain, etc. — and if I got a can of computer duster it would look like new.

If you lay on your sarcastic asshole impression thick when approached by chuds, you also manage to get them to avoid you like the plague without becoming a target of theirs.
"I am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me."

There's over 100 of us in this meat-suit. You'd think it runs like a ship, but it's more like a hundred and ten angry ghosts having an old-school QuakeWorld tournament, three people desperately trying to make sure the gamers don't go hungry or soil themselves, and the Facilities manager weeping in the corner as the garbage piles high.

LMNO

Hi there!  Welcome to the party.

Not sure how much you want to disclose here, but may I ask if you thought you were a gay person who realizes they like the opposite side of things, or if you thought you were straight and then figured out the grass is just as green on your own side?

Also, have you figured out your default ratio?  I don't usually meet people who are perfectly 50/50, and of course it changes in real world context.

Feel free not to answer if it's too personal.

Exoteric

QuoteFind your local queers, first of all. Like, that's literally the very first step. I didn't do that and I had no support network, just years of free fall. Only knowing them through the internet is fine, but the important thing is finding the queers who are local to you. Do not be like me and assume internet queers are enough, you need the locals so you can hear who the bigots are and how to go shopping in the wrong part of town and not get clocked (trust me, now that you're queer and aware of it, that's an actual concern you have to have, even if you think nothing has changed).

Next, do your research. Do not trust medical resources that aren't on queer-friendly websites. There are literal centuries of misinformation and demonization about queer life (and I'm not just talking about sex) that you need to sift through, and trust me when I say that you can't do it. You're too new to this, you have no way of doing it. EDIT: saying this so you know why you have to pick where your research comes from VERY carefully.

After that, your local queers got this. They've babysat other newbies, they'll keep you on track.



If you're talking about very real life-or-death survival, this is super simple. Just lean into the "tough guy" aesthetic hard. Get a bunch of milsurp, grow one of those dumb survivalist beards, buy a gun or at least talk a lot about buying a gun. This is what I do, you know how many people gaybash me? None. Because no one fucking knows I'm not a chud, when I walk around with my desert sand Hazard4 backpack and MOLLE-laden thigh pouches. I have to warn fellow queers about me when they meet me for the first time, but that's a small price to pay for being functionally immune to RL bigotry.

Also, you'll spend less on clothes. The milsurp is cheap and lasts forever. Goes double on the lasts forever part if you buy "tactical" stuff: 5.11 Tactical is overpriced but indestructible, Rothco will have your back for everything except for boots, and UTG/Leapers bags are literally impossible to destroy. I have one that has survived being dragged two miles down a freeway, run over by a truck, multiple drenchings in heavy rain, etc. — and if I got a can of computer duster it would look like new.

If you lay on your sarcastic asshole impression thick when approached by chuds, you also manage to get them to avoid you like the plague without becoming a target of theirs.

Holy shit Altered, thank you. This just the kind of thing I was hoping for. I'm not great at networking, but now would be the time to improve. I absolutely know how much of a threat other people can be, though I need to learn who around me are definitely bigots, like you said.

QuoteHi there!  Welcome to the party.

Not sure how much you want to disclose here, but may I ask if you thought you were a gay person who realizes they like the opposite side of things, or if you thought you were straight and then figured out the grass is just as green on your own side?

Also, have you figured out your default ratio?  I don't usually meet people who are perfectly 50/50, and of course it changes in real world context.

Feel free not to answer if it's too personal.

Thanks for having me, and for giving me space to get out of your questions. I assumed I was straight up until I seriously thought about it. I haven't been paying attention to my ratio, but off the top of my head I'd say I'm like 70-80% biased towards guys.
I haven't been writing for very long, and I want to improve. If any parts of my posts aren't readable, please point them out.

I'm coming off of a bad bout of anxiety, and I'm going to try stepping away from the Internet for a bit and working on my habits. I might come back here if my mental health ever gets more secure, but for now I'm gone. You all take care of yourselves and the people you care about, and keep moving.

Drake75

Quote from: Exoteric on February 22, 2021, 05:09:16 AM
So, over the last couple months I've realized that I'm bisexual. That took me by surprise, to make a serious understatement, and I'm trying to understand the position I'm in as quickly as possible. I've been reaching out to people I think already do more than me as part of that. So, this's a general call for any information any of you want to give me: Resources, advice, specific dangers, whatever. Don't worry about scaring or talking down to me, if you have something you think I should know I want to hear it. I have some stuff to handle right now, so I'm sorry if I don't check back here until next weekend

If you send me dick picks I'll compliment them for you.

Exoteric

I preesh the offer, but I'm good
I haven't been writing for very long, and I want to improve. If any parts of my posts aren't readable, please point them out.

I'm coming off of a bad bout of anxiety, and I'm going to try stepping away from the Internet for a bit and working on my habits. I might come back here if my mental health ever gets more secure, but for now I'm gone. You all take care of yourselves and the people you care about, and keep moving.

Exoteric

QuoteNext, do your research. Do not trust medical resources that aren't on queer-friendly websites. There are literal centuries of misinformation and demonization about queer life (and I'm not just talking about sex) that you need to sift through, and trust me when I say that you can't do it. You're too new to this, you have no way of doing it. EDIT: saying this so you know why you have to pick where your research comes from VERY carefully.
Are there any sites you trust, or know are shitty?
I haven't been writing for very long, and I want to improve. If any parts of my posts aren't readable, please point them out.

I'm coming off of a bad bout of anxiety, and I'm going to try stepping away from the Internet for a bit and working on my habits. I might come back here if my mental health ever gets more secure, but for now I'm gone. You all take care of yourselves and the people you care about, and keep moving.

altered

Quote from: Exoteric on March 04, 2021, 04:30:29 PM
QuoteNext, do your research. Do not trust medical resources that aren't on queer-friendly websites. There are literal centuries of misinformation and demonization about queer life (and I'm not just talking about sex) that you need to sift through, and trust me when I say that you can't do it. You're too new to this, you have no way of doing it. EDIT: saying this so you know why you have to pick where your research comes from VERY carefully.
Are there any sites you trust, or know are shitty?

Not that I am personally aware of, no. Generally speaking though, a rule of thumb is to start with sites linked from queer spaces, then just adopt that as your bias for a while.

Another good rule of thumb is if it makes you go "uh wow that sucks" it is either crap or there are confounding factors (the only example of the latter i know is that queer folks have a WILDLY DISPROPORTIONATE PREVALENCE of personality disorders, addictions and mood disorders, the confounding factor being upbringing in mega hostile environments which is positively correlated with all of those things).
"I am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me."

There's over 100 of us in this meat-suit. You'd think it runs like a ship, but it's more like a hundred and ten angry ghosts having an old-school QuakeWorld tournament, three people desperately trying to make sure the gamers don't go hungry or soil themselves, and the Facilities manager weeping in the corner as the garbage piles high.

Exoteric

Right, I'll keep an ear to my gut. Here goes nothing
I haven't been writing for very long, and I want to improve. If any parts of my posts aren't readable, please point them out.

I'm coming off of a bad bout of anxiety, and I'm going to try stepping away from the Internet for a bit and working on my habits. I might come back here if my mental health ever gets more secure, but for now I'm gone. You all take care of yourselves and the people you care about, and keep moving.

Q. G. Pennyworth

https://biresource.org/

I know these people, they are good folks and I trust them. The HQ is in the Boston area but they have links to other groups.