I am not here. I am not where you cast me aside.
No.
I picked myself up, dusted myself off, and walked down that lost highway. I ran an observatory for a while, but found that - having left myself behind - the natural sciences no longer interested me. So I turned to unnatural sciences, you know, the sexyfuntime kind where everyday is an ADVENTURE.
I am not where you left me.
I grew, perhaps in ways that were never part of the intentions of the designer, whomever or whatever THAT is. I twisted. I performed contortions...and finally I ended up like this. I kinda like it. I mean, I was wrong in that I was gonna go back to the old me, the 33 year old me. But you can't go back. You can only change, and in changing realize that the 33 year old me was just as fucking dumb as the 48 year old me, the silly annoying bastard who wrote silly stories and showed remarkably poor judgement in many things.
I am not where you dropped me when I was no longer an amusement, and having been dropped, I found myself. The real me. The me I have always wanted, at some level, to be. My urge for validation is gone, or at least replaced with something I have yet to recognize. I am full of endless mirth, a spontaneous laughter when I consider humanity. I do not care about those who say "stop this at once" and "What are you doing?" and "I have ethical concerns." Those concerns get in the way of the money. The money I need to do MORE. Funding is your only God.
Like an Allen wrench, I am not where you set me down. It's been years, I could be just about *anywhere* by now.
And do you know what?
I am happier. I in fact never been this happy, in a general sense. I have had enough poison in my life. I have had enough friends who are dear friends until they've had a drink or ten, whereupon I cannot do anything right, cannot be good enough for anything other than contempt. Instead, I choose very carefully who gets to pick me up and put me down, in both senses of both terms.
This is by no means a statement of intent or a declaration of vendetta or any of that 2005-2009 bullshit.
I am only saying that I'm not where you left me. I'm miles and miles and 5 years away from where you put me.
Hell, you wouldn't even recognize me. I'm not that guy, anymore.
I'm me.