Derealing

[lexi]

prey have you ever stood the tracks stormed on summer nights, hazey something on or other, playing chicken oncoming train!
-- munkitt<3n

well actually the simplest answer is just obviously to imagine a world without tracks!
-- Captain Utopia

A friend once told me about her two brothers who had failed the ultimate barstool test with the Toronto Subway. I responded with a great wave of empathy and tried to reassure her that I'd be extra sensitive around her and never joke about suicide again. She shrugged and laughed - "I don't care.. as long as it's funny.." - we walked on a little further. The last joke was on her though. Or rather; I saw the punchline coming - ducked - and she got hit.

At home and at work, this past week has felt like noting the times of passing trains, working the schedule out backwards from observation, and choosing my moments for a confrontation even more unwise than my opening line.

Have you ever stood on the tracks as the speeding train you're staring down comes hurtling predictably towards you with no intention or self-ability to change course, and yet you manage to remain firmly within your center of balance, and derail the trends events were following while trying to minimise hurt while probably maintaining your integrity? I mean - probably you have - but this is a new experience for me.

It feels like I've had two trains bounce off me such in the last week, another one coming up with family, and I think everyone involved is doing okay. Problems avoidable through open communication are frustrating and draining to me, though maintaining status quo can often be moreso.

feeling a little beat up, but finding myself slowly through intentful processes

Not a real word, so i'm stealing it :P