Official shit on rong thread

[chaotic neutral observer]

I did, yeah. I just wasn't digging hard enough for the first round. His email is going to be canned soup in two days time. And I can't WAIT until the winter, when all the schools in Wisconsin have closing alerts.

Hold on, Wisconsin, or <state name redacted to protect the guilty>?

[altered]

Wisconsin. Easier to sign up for school closing alert emails there.

Nothing to do with fucko's location. No, I'm saving that for if/when I sign up the SMS alerts.

[rong]

if memory serves, you live in wisconsin, which ain't too far from me.  if you're interested, i'd be happy to settle this over a friendly boxing match - we could sell tickets and donate the proceeds to a nice charity.

[altered]

Your memory is apparently worse than mine. I've been to many places but Wisconsin isn't one. Say, how's that inbox looking, kid?

[rong]

Yeah, well, I do get hit in the head a lot.  I just checked my email and it says there's gay hot singles in my area and they're very very horny.  And naughty.  is that you?

[altered]

Not to worry, the fundies should wake up by tomorrow night.

This is all automated, you know. I'm putting very little effort in. I walked the dogs, poured myself a weird green drink that claims to be but looks and tastes nothing like a beer, and spent some time fucking around on Twitter. You should quit while you're ahead.

[rong]

Wait, you mean I'm still ahead?

[altered]

Well, the fundies are still asleep. If you quit now, you might be able to escape them.

Jesus will still get your ass in the end, of course, but at least you'll lead him on a merry chase. Maybe run over some nuns along the way.

You only have, oh, 20-ish hours to go. I'd change your password to a keysmash and log off now. If I'm feeling nice, I might even give you the log-in info for the main site that's going to crush your inbox after you do.

[chaotic neutral observer]

I was trying to find this loser's house on google streetview because why not, but I think it's on a dirt road or something, so I skipped down a highway a little ways--just being a tourist, you know, I do that with streetview sometimes--and I saw a sign that said "Escabana Felch ->"  and I says to myself, "What's a Felch?  Is it some sort of geographical term?"  So then I googled "define felch" and

I have the damndest gaps in my vocabulary.

Anyway, Felch Mountain Bible Chapel is a real place, and that fills me with glee.

[altered]

What better place for rong to dwell? Honestly, it's fucking poetry.

[altered]

Also, reminds me of my favorite fun fact. There was an industrial rock compilation of bands covering showtunes called TV Terror: Felching a Dead Horse.

It's legitimately a good fucking album, it really does exist, and there's a gothic horror Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood cover by Numb. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6cvQy6QwBY

[rong]

I was trying to find this loser's house on google streetview because why not, but I think it's on a dirt road or something, so I skipped down a highway a little ways--just being a tourist, you know, I do that with streetview sometimes--and I saw a sign that said "Escabana Felch ->"  and I says to myself, "What's a Felch?  Is it some sort of geographical term?"  So then I googled "define felch" and

I have the damndest gaps in my vocabulary.

Anyway, Felch Mountain Bible Chapel is a real place, and that fills me with glee.

oooh - you're good.  there's some good safety tips on that bicycle forum.

[Doktor Howl]

Hey you spags, if you want to shit on me, do it here and quit derailing other people's threads.

Eat a diseased dick.  I'll shit on you where I please.

[Doktor Howl]

please choose the response that best conforms to your biases:

1) we all know it's impossible for people to change

2) sorry about that, if you could please provide a list of approved methods of aggression, I'll try to stick to those

3) no, you're the passive aggressive ass, i just try to make jokes but suffer from bad taste

4) this page is important. the opinions of those who post here are important.  only correct opinions will be tolerated.

5) PD doesn't care about your feelings, unless they get hurt by a passive aggressive ass, what a jerk!

IN ORDER, these mean, when you place them into fucking context:
1: There's nothing wrong with making jokes about gay people while the US and UK are gearing up for genocide. Get over it, I'm just being lighthearted while you watch the Machine get ready to bury you in your thousands.
2: I'm just expressing my aggression towards gay people. I am a homophobe. Why can't I be a homophobe?
3: See 1. Also, the gays are oppressing my freeze-peach.
4: Political correctness run amok.
5: See 2 and 4.

rong. With this, you've dug yourself a hole that Elon Musk would say is a bit too deep. It's a shame you aren't as identifiable as Fujikoma or LuciferX, because I would love to just crush your online presence from all conceivable angles. I would make you feel dread to comment on a Youtube video. I have the time, I have the means, I have the energy. Alas, you've covered your online ass -- almost like you know the shit you get up to and what will happen to you for it.

Regardless: you have shat on the dinner table in my presence for the last time, as far as I'm concerned. Now we get to where we run you out of town on a fucking rail. And yeah, you'll leave, or you'll wish you had decided to. Your investment may be zero, but I will ensure every return is disproportionately negative. And if you ever think to yourself that it's not funny, let me assure you that I am, as ever, the great laughing worm in the sky, crowned in fire.

See, funny isn't for you.

Funny is for me.



Flounce now. It's for your own good.

Problem is, he's one of those sad sacks that thinks negative attention is better than no attention, so there's no way he'll leave. 

And also, any remorse that he has to show for anything will last the exact amount of time that exists between the time of the apology and the next time he gets drunk.  So like 10 minutes.  And he lacks the intestinal fortitude to back down from a drunk post.

Finally, I'd like to argue that it isn't so much that this board would be a better place without him, so much as the universe in general would be a better place without him.

Please note that the usual PD over-the-top hilarity is *not* being used in this post. 

[altered]

We should have 3 hours before his email turns into tomato paste. I almost feel bad.

Almost.

See, I signed him up for 4 different Christian fundie newsletter distribution houses and checked every box along the way. Also: baby and pregnancy newsletters.

He'll be getting Gerber ads and Psalm-of-the-day emails until the sun burns out.