Introductions VIII: Some bad news for new folks

[EK WAFFLR]

Hi. I'm Waffles.

I'm....trying my damndest to rock and roll as much as humanly possible while still keeping something resembling a roof over my head. I'm not very good at it, but I'm trying.

[Doktor Howl]

Hi. I'm Waffles.

I'm....trying my damndest to rock and roll as much as humanly possible while still keeping something resembling a roof over my head. I'm not very good at it, but I'm trying.

Long time no see, Deth Waffle!

[hooplala]

helloooo lovelies


I did it. I finally did it. Canada has become just like everywhere else.

[Doktor Howl]

helloooo lovelies


I did it. I finally did it. Canada has become just like everywhere else.

???

What the fuck did you do to the timeline?

[hooplala]

helloooo lovelies


I did it. I finally did it. Canada has become just like everywhere else.

???

What the fuck did you do to the timeline?

I made a boo-boo.

[chaotic neutral observer]

helloooo lovelies


I did it. I finally did it. Canada has become just like everywhere else.

???

What the fuck did you do to the timeline?

I made a boo-boo.

Wait, that was you?

[ArchangelIdiotis]

I can't prove this part (I can prove everything else), but in Eschillion Key one of the main character's names was Simon Sade before I encountered the name Eddie Saayman, an individual Crowley named as his possible heir. The first two characters in the book are Ben & Eddie, as in been Eddie Saayman. Simon Sade = ed Ssaimon. Eddie Saayman was A.I. to Crowley, so if he reincarnated he'd be Aiwas.

Onto the stuff I can prove:

March 23, 1985 is my birthday. The Spring Equinox, to symbolize the rebirth of the Sun / Son of God. The number 23 of the Illuminati. The year after 1984.

The individual that requested I found the Individuate Church was born on the Ides of March, and was a childhood best friend of mine. Since the Individuates are a Discordian cult, he is the Pope of all world religion (everyone has to be a Discordian). He's the founder of the Individuates, so he's in charge. According to Christians on the End Times, the Antichrist's Pope of All World Religion betrays him with a shot to the head, and he comes back as Satan (he is just Satan's representative until).

I might be the bloodline of Jesus. My mother's maiden name was Bowers, and according to Bloodline of the Holy Grail: the Hidden Lineage of Jesus Revealed by Gardner, (page 151 of the copy I first encountered), Bors is suspected of being Merovingian. Bowers is also descended from the same root bloodline as the Rothschilds, Bauer.

One year and month before I was born on Valentine's Day, Babaji winked before his heart stopped. He was suspected in some circles of being Shiva.

I'm a 37 year old Virginian (born and stayed), and an asexual virgin.

I have long brown hair and a beard, and look superficially like Jesus Christ.

Edit: I am not promoting the opinion that Christianity, nor the Antichrist of Revelation Prophecy, is legitimate to believe in.

[Faust]

Its been a long time since we had a cloak wearing, candles at midnight, desperately wanting the Esoteric Order of Dagon to be "Real" poster

[chaotic neutral observer]

March 23, 1985 is my birthday. The Spring Equinox, to symbolize the rebirth of the Sun / Son of God.

The Spring Equinox in 1985 was on March 20th.  You were three days late.

The individual that requested I found the Individuate Church was born on the Ides of March, and was a childhood best friend of mine. [...] He's the founder of the Individuates, so he's in charge.

He asked you to found it, but then founded it himself?  What a jerk.

Since the Individuates are a Discordian cult, he is the Pope of all world religion (everyone has to be a Discordian).

Actually, the doctrine of everyone being a Pope was rescinded by Pope Autochthonous VI.  He said if everyone was a Pope, that made it a meaningless distinction.  He then went on to decree that no-one is a Pope, which is also meaningless, but saves space on his letterhead.

[ArchangelIdiotis]

Its been a long time since we had a cloak wearing, candles at midnight, desperately wanting the Esoteric Order of Dagon to be "Real" poster

I don't think my "evidence" should be taken too seriously, but consider it better than what some religions promote as proof of the authenticity of their faith.

I'm actually only hoping to convince Theistic Satanists.

March 23, 1985 is my birthday. The Spring Equinox, to symbolize the rebirth of the Sun / Son of God.

The Spring Equinox in 1985 was on March 20th.  You were three days late.

23 in my synchronicity research symbolizes importance. It seems to crop up around significant "good" and "bad" events. There was no way to stage a more significant, equinox adjacent birthday.

[altered]

I am legally named Curse. I can be seen south of Chicago smoking like a freight train and making horrible sounds to the beat of the most godawful music you've ever heard. If it sounds like a demon trying to transmute itself into Fred Durst and looks like cyberpunk roadkill, it's probably me.

I actually am a hypnotist. Like, "I have been offered money to hypnotize someone and declined the payment because I wanted the experience." I've been legitimately accused of running a cult, where my hypnosis was used to brainwash members. Actually what I do with my hypnosis is take willing people to a dark, distant place and surgically mutilate their soul. So I'm basically a cenobite and also would probably be guilty of fraud if I took that money, given they would not in fact wake up with a new pair of mechanical limbs. My middle name is legally Fraudulence, so this is fitting.

I have a dozen holy names, but am most fond these days of "Wielder of 'Oh No Not Again'," as in those are the words you'll say when I'm around.

I am, pay close attention now, a disabled Jewish trans fem-leaning non-binary unpersoned outcast plural nightmare collective. I have over 100 people in my head and most of them aren't remotely human. I reject the label of human or person, I am explicitly an object. Of terror, naturally, but still an object. My gender is fucked in ways you cannot comprehend. I'm in the process of converting to Judaism, if I can ever find a rabbi who will deal with my weird ass.

I earned every ounce of my weird with blood and suffering, too, so in terms of dickwaving edgelord posters around here, I'm top bitch.

I am telling you this not to get you to submit to my glory, but so you stop trying so fucking hard to be cool and start being yourself.


ETA: I should be sure to note that you shouldn't turn this into a idol situation either. I'm not building a cult, because worshippers are a fucking hassle. I feed my fans to the Nessies. I'd say you can ask rong, but rong's long gone. Just stop acting like you're on fucking stage.

[ArchangelIdiotis]

Hopefully not too many Nazi Satanists frequent this message board to witness this confession: I was test running how it would look to a bunch of skeptics if I promoted myself as the Antichrist.

The coincidences, or synchronicities, (I honestly don't know which), that I listed are all real, and I can prove all except the first, like I said. To a skeptic, this doesn't prove anything. Signs and symbols. But my ultimate goal isn't to impress skeptics. It is to schism (hopefully a bulk % of) the religious fanatical minded Nazi Satanists, by providing "proof" Satan is at war with bigotry and fascism. By being the Antichrist with an Ides of March Pope.

If I do a good job, the rest of the Nazis can't trust the Nazi Satanists even if not very many schism.

Shiva is Satan to the Nazi Satanists (the point of the Babaji coincidence/synchronicity). If Nazi Satanists are reading this, maybe they can discern more from the symbolic nature of events than so-called "skeptics," and know an Antichrist when they see one.

-Aiwas?

[chaotic neutral observer]

I was test running how it would look to a bunch of skeptics if I promoted myself as the Antichrist.

You were promoting yourself as the Antichrist?  I honestly didn't realize that.

I guess I thought he would be taller.

[altered]

So, hold on: you're trying to impress Nazis. Is that right?

I don't care about the rest of your weird little scheme, because you aren't special enough to pull off what you claim to want to do anyway.

But.

You're trying to impress Nazis? That's your step one? Please make the truth abundantly clear to me.

[Cain]

If Nazis cared about logical contradictions in their worldview, they wouldn't be Nazis.