Principia Discordia > Or Kill Me
Who takes care of the caretaker?
Suu:
I was warned.
Oh, I was warned.
I was going to get a maximum of 3 months of "help", more likely a month.
It started off fine. People flocked to throw money at GFM, they offered services from across the country (somehow), and pretended to enter their information in a google form for contact when the going got tough.
And then then disappeared.
Sure, the mother-in-law was here. She sat on the fucking couch reading social media while I cooked, cleaned, went to work, went to class, and cleaned up my husband's vomit in between. It was sure nice of her to water my plants and do his laundry, though. Oh, she started dinner one day because he was hungry before I came home from work. He made sure I brought her everything she needed, too. After she didn't shower for a week, I finally pried out of her that she needed shampoo, but she couldn't be bothered to ask for a ride to the store. Yes, a ride. She can't drive, you see. I had to cart her places, and my mom drove the hour to help get Jeff home from chemo on the days I could not. I warned them both about cleaning the kitchen completely after cooking or the bugs would come back. Within 2 days of this warning, she complained about seeing a bug. Why don't I simply find a better apartment?
I was offered housekeeping help by nearby friends. I asked them to show up last week. "Oh," they said, "Something came up." Nothing since.
I was offered meals by local friends. "Oh," they said, "You have weird dietary needs. Can you just order takeout every night?" The only people still bringing me food are the vegans. THE VEGANS.
When my messaging liaison posts on social media asking for more assistance, the answer is always, "I'm too far away, sorry." My mom still drives an hour to give my husband and ride, and then drives right back despite, "hating city traffic".
I've been yelled at about staying in school. I've been yelled at for working. He's my vocation, you see, he's my sole purpose to exist. This "sole purpose" made it perfectly clear I need to continue to work and study and have a life. I can't hover over him all day, it's not good for me. But he also runs out of breath doing the dishes and then whines that I can't help him enough. I choked in the kitchen last night tasting dinner, and had to kick on a cabinet for help as I gasped for air. By the time he got into the kitchen with water, my face was purple and hot. Dinner got burned. Good thing the MiL left otherwise this would have been my fault.
I go out to an art opening for a friend, I feel guilty.
I have a glass of wine after work, I feel guilty.
I came home yesterday to a mess of trash from projects he started, but got too tired to finish. So, before I could sit down, I had to bring it all to the dumpster after feeding the cat. By the time I did sit down, I burst into tears because the first thing I was asked was to get dinner started. I was stuck in traffic for an hour because of a concert on campus. I literally forgot how to drive while going to pick up dinner at the meal prep place 20min away. All I wanted to do was sit down with a glass of water for a few minutes.
I'm behind on my reading and assignments for the week. Again.
This is my new normal, though. I have been told to suck it up, and deal. I've also been told I'm getting fat again and I need to "devote time to myself" and get back in shape and maintaining my diet. When? I don't even have time to vacuum.
Sure would be nice to have all that help people promised 2 months ago. Now they're just asking if he's dead yet to get out of their empty promises.
I was told I "have to take care of myself" by the same people who call me fat and tell me I needed to quit everything to devote my entire life to him.
I'm still disappointed COVID didn't kill us all off.
But hey, "I gotta take care of myself."
Doktor Howl:
Yeah, I used to have friends like that. Then I got the shocking realization that I only have a dozen or so actual friends. It took a long time to get over being angry at people for not being what I thought they were. So believe me, I feel you.
The friends you have with you when you are in need are the only friends you have. The rest are acquaintances. If you treat acquaintances like friends, you're going to get hurt.
The principal difference is that a friend cares for you as a person, not just a laugh or a good time.
Also:
--- Quote ---I've been yelled at about staying in school. I've been yelled at for working. He's my vocation, you see, he's my sole purpose to exist. This "sole purpose" made it perfectly clear I need to continue to work and study and have a life.
--- End quote ---
The sole purpose is correct in his opinion. Assuming the worst happens, these same people will then berate you for not working or studying to be able to fend for yourself afterward.
90% of everyone are shitbags. You can avoid noticing this until one day you can't avoid it.
Suu:
Yeah, that whole, "I need to take care of myself" vibe has turned into a screaming fibro flare today.
I also really like the part where it went from, "How can I help?" to, "I can't actually help, how long does he have?" Basically, "I want him to die so I am free from this social contract and can just show up for snacks at the funeral."
People are fucking terrible, Dok. You're right.
Doktor Howl:
--- Quote from: Suu on September 07, 2022, 11:50:18 pm ---Yeah, that whole, "I need to take care of myself" vibe has turned into a screaming fibro flare today.
I also really like the part where it went from, "How can I help?" to, "I can't actually help, how long does he have?" Basically, "I want him to die so I am free from this social contract and can just show up for snacks at the funeral."
People are fucking terrible, Dok. You're right.
--- End quote ---
Most people truly do have an aversion to the suffering of others.
The people worth knowing will deliberately work past that. The ones that are not worth knowing will do as you describe, or even chastise you for "demanding emotional labor," because THEY'RE the victim here, buddy.
Also, I missed most of this on FB because I got deleted. I only knew that he was sick with cancer or something.
What's going on?
Anna Mae Bollocks:
I didn't even know about the cancer. I guess facebook was too busy showing me bullshit.
Ouch. It sucks just knowing that.
Dok's right, I agree. Get rid of the people making this worse, as much as you can. You obviously don't need worse with something like this going on.
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