News: Like a fraternity of drunken clowns, hopped up on goofballs, beating one-another to a bloody pulp with bricks; the maniacal laughter increases exponentially as someone runs off to get a cinder-block.

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Snippets from character notes

Started by altered, November 07, 2022, 09:12:46 PM

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Joined a Goosebumps (yeah, THAT Goosebumps) themed TTRPG campaign with my new experimental subject as DM and decided to play an 80s action hero badass who has wound up a washed-up bum with a mobile armory on account of actually, you can't play Van Helsing in modern America, because monsters aren't real.

They're a conspiracy theorist, and I've gotten to writing conspiracy theories for them that they'll bring up if someone asks. Decided to place them here for giggles.

Quote from: CONSPIRACY 1: Carnivals, Theme Parks, HorrorlandYou know all the theme parks got started by carnies, right? Walt Disney was the first exception. Irish gold miner family. Six Flags and Idlewild and so on, though, and the original Horrorland, all carnies. Thieves and murderers, cause the carnies are always run by Englishmen, and you don't need me to tell you about the English.

This version of Horrorland though, I think it's "new management", you know what I mean? All that old Turkish vampire dynasty money funneled through Dutch companies that used to run the slave trade back in the olden times. Too themed, you can tell the carnies cause they do anything that'll make you look at it, even if it breaks kayfabe.

So you don't have to worry these folks are gonna rob you blind, unless you think you catch a carnie in the crowd. I haven't seen 'em though, those shifty Englishmen and the people they're manipulating all stand out. Got a code, like people think the Freemasons do. Masons are just dirty fuckin' cops though, carnies are the real deal.

Quote from: CONSPIRACY 2: Vampires, Turkey, RomaniaOh, you think Vlad was the original vampire? Nah, he was just a murderous weirdo. You want the original vampires, look at the former Janissary families out in Turkey. They made it big in the Ottoman times, ate like Nero, or Caligula, one of those Roman types. Brought the bloodthirst out of Austria. They pretended at being good ol' Muslim converts, but everyone knew better.

They gave the game away, you know. Got involved in the interwar arms trade after the Ottoman Empire collapsed, and you see them funding the Nazis and all cause dead bodies that disappear mean fodder for the thirst.

The Romanians get a bad rap. They just had old Vladdy and happened to be in town when Lady Bathory tried to lead a queer Cathar-revivalist uprising. Nah, you want the vampires, think the last remnants of the Batenburgers getting captured on a crusade by the Turks, and all that old bad German bloodthirst saying no, no, those folks just disappeared in the desert.
"I am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me."

There's over 100 of us in this meat-suit. You'd think it runs like a ship, but it's more like a hundred and ten angry ghosts having an old-school QuakeWorld tournament, three people desperately trying to make sure the gamers don't go hungry or soil themselves, and the Facilities manager weeping in the corner as the garbage piles high.