Share your Copypastas

[QuestionsTheSoil]

Write new ones or share your favorites, preferably some less-used ones.
I'll start:

Zac Efron is so hot, I would let him kill me. And I don't mean in an erotic way. I mean with a gun. I want to be getting a coffee and casually run into him, maybe have a chat, and then BAM, he just shoots me right between the eyes, like someone slaughtering a cow.
And I don't want to see it coming. I want to fully believe that I will leave and go on with my day. It should be a lovely, perfectly normal encounter, perhaps seeming like the start of a new friendship, up until the moment he pulls the gun out. And I want it to be so quick, I have no chance of reacting–not a scream, or a flinch, or even a rush of adrenaline.
I want it to be a complete surprise as the bullet flies into my skull at point-blank. I want everyone to be frozen in shock as my body hits the floor. Nobody should be able to see it coming.
And I want him to smile as if nothing happened. I want him to act like he didn't just exterminate me in front of multiple witnesses. I want him to continue to be his charming self right next to my still-warm corpse.
I will do all that I can to save myself for Zac Efron's gun. I refuse to let anyone else touch my brain matter with their inferior bullets. Only one man's lead may penetrate my skull.
For the split second he's pulling out that gun, he'll be the hottest man on the planet. All of my life will have been leading up to this one glorious, orgasmic moment.
Oh fuck that would be hot.

[QuestionsTheSoil]

I want Keanu Reaves to just fuck me up. That's right, I want Mr. Wholesome 100 himself to beat me within an inch of my fucking life. And I want him to do it in public. I want to be struggling to breath on the sidewalk in front of everyone's favorite celebrity. I want to be crying, gasping, and choking on my own vomit. This isn't a sex thing, it's not a joke, I just need this so fucking badly. Please, Mr. John Wick, just fucking brutalize me in front of a crowd.

[Brother Mythos]

Copypasta: I learned a new word today. Or, I learned a new, new word today.